Do you or would you spank your children? - Created by Ash1141 on Nov 12, 2011: EdenFantasys Forum

P'Gell

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes sneakiness, lying, and causes the child to do no more than "make sure he doesn't get caught by the hitter."

There are SO many good parents who parent and never hit a child. If they can do it, why can't everyone? I think hitting is a lazy way of "disciplining" children. The word "discipline" means "to teach" not "to hurt."

I get VERY upset when this subject comes up because pro-hitting people tend to not have any idea the damage they are doing to their kids.

AND NO saying to non-hitting parents, I was spanked and I'm fine is not a reason for doing it, nor does it prove anything to anyone. It's bullshit.

There are SO many good ways to discipline children without instilling fear and lording physical harm over them, why resort to the lowest form of communication: VIOLENCE?

Again: Plenty of parents raise their children well without hitting them. If they can do it, so can you. And NO telling me some stupid story about how your "sister in law doesn't believe in spanking and her kids are total brats" is not going to change my mind, which was influenced by nearly 100 years of Child Development Theory.

BULLSHIT things that I won't listen to as reasons/excuses to HIT children:

1) "I was spanked as a kid and I'm fine." I have NO proof that you are "fine." You could be a totally fucked up asshole. How do I know? Plus, "Fine" isn't good enough for my kids. I want OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT, which doesn't happen when fear and violence is present in the home.

2) "What if your kid runs into the street?" So fucking what? You HIT them to prove what? Again, plenty of parents parent well without hitting, and their kids don't all die by being hit by cars. I don't hit my kids and we never had a problem with running into the street. ONE of my kids did it ONCE. She was properly disciplined with NO hitting and she never did it again. Her siblings never did it.

3) "My religion requires it" I call bullshit on that one. My religion says it's OK to have slaves, rape women and for a man to have as many wives as he can support. (At least according to the Old Testament.) That doesn't make it right. No religion is going to kick you out if you don't hit your kids.

4) "There is a difference between a spanking and beating." Maybe. But every single person who has said this has a different version of where the LINE is. Your line isn't where mine is. If we don't have a Standard, then NO there is no "difference" as people can't agree where the dividing line between beating and "spanking" is.

5) "My kid doesn't respond to anything else. Then you are doing a world of wrong in every other sphere of parenting.

6) "I don't have kids, but spanking is OK because.... Stop RIGHT there, if you haven't been there, being a baby sitter, having step kids for a few weekends a month, knowing your sister in law's or your neighbors kids or having a dog or cat IS NOT the same thing as really being a parent. Let me know when you have more than 20 years parenting kids full time under your belt and we'll talk.

I know sometimes parents lose control. THAT isn't a good reason to defend yourself or your actions. I have lost control two or three times in my years of parenting. I am mature enough to admit that when I did lose control and hit a kid ONCE, I WAS WRONG! I told my child I was wrong. And, I don't defend my relying on bullying tactics when I "lost control" those two or three times while raising THREE kids. I was WRONG and I refuse to try to defend a shitty parenting response that I was WRONG about.

Children shouldn't be hit. There isn't a shred of evidence that it does any good, and plenty of evidence that it does harm.

I need to go lie down.

My POV, my mileage.

Reply

11/15/2011

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by K101

I don't spank them they're too old and the youngest is too young for that. I have spanked, but only a few times. I think there's almost ALWAYS better ways to discipline. I have never spanked with a belt or other object. Usually it was ... more

I appreciate you honesty and your work at self control. I know your kids are step kids, but I do appreciate that you give yourself a "Time Out" rather than hit them.

Thank you. And better than that, those kids will thank you.

Reply

11/15/2011

P'Gell

Trigger warning!

THIS guy, a Texas judge (in Family Court, no less) considered THIS a "spanking."

Do I need to say more about where different people draw the line between hitting and spanking? Most of us would agree this IS a beating. But the man who administered the beating (and his wife, who helped him) doesn't think so.

This video made me physically ill. The "Judge" (who is not removed from the bench) is still defending his right to "spank" his daughter, who is also disabled with cerebral palsy and learning disabilities. He says she is using her "disability" as a crutch and he had every right for "spanking her" (and leaving marks from her neck down to her lower legs) for downloading music from the internet.

THIS GUY SAYS THIS WAS A SPANKING, NOT A BEATING. link

Nuff said.

Please do not watch if you have a history of abuse in your family. It WILL trigger you. (It sure as hell triggered me, and I was never hit this badly.) Everyone who thinks "spanking" is OK needs to watch this and realize that THIS GUY calls this a "spanking" so it makes no difference what anyone else calls it.

I really wish this thread had never been started. There is little that should be less upsetting than someone defending their harming a child .

Reply

11/15/2011

Ms. Spice

I agree with P' Gell 110% (what a surprise lol). there has been study after study that has shown beating your kids doesn't do anything except make them violent and impulsive. That's not what I want to be producing in this world.

As a child that was hit when she was younger, I know there are other ways to convey your anger at rule breaking. Violence only instills fear, and a child just gets better at covering up rule breaking,not correcting it. I have no respect for parents who hit their children because they display no self control and justify their behavior by essentially saying "they were asking for it."

my rule is that if you wouldn't do it to someone else's child, then you have no right to do it to your own.

Reply

11/15/2011

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by Ms. Spice

I agree with P' Gell 110% (what a surprise lol). there has been study after study that has shown beating your kids doesn't do anything except make them violent and impulsive. That's not what I want to be producing in this world. ... more

Thank you, Ms Spice for your wise words (I was too upset to go lie down. )

You said something profound: my rule is that if you wouldn't do it to someone else's child, then you have no right to do it to your own.

Fantastic! I would also like to add, if you wouldn't legally be able to do it to an other adult in anger then you have to right to do it to your own kids.

Reply

11/15/2011

Valentinka

I'm a counter-example to that "I was spanked and I'm fine". I was spanked and I'm not fine. My father is extremely short-tempered and I was quite a difficult child, so probably it's not surprising that he could occasionally spank me or even hit me. But it is something that will always stand between us. I still can't fully forgive him for that, because at the same time I was experiencing severe bullying at school and he made it even worse for me. Don't get me wrong, I love my parents, but I'm 100% sure I will NEVER EVER hit my own child. Never.

Reply

11/15/2011

Over here

I have not used what I would deem excessive force, but while my kids were young (say before they were 4 or 5 if I felt that they understood my point I would occasionally tap their little asses. It was usually a case where they would be warned and it was obvious they were pushing or testing their limits. Once they start school I think kids have better self control and understanding. Also, althought it starts at birth, I really like to encourage individuality once they start formal education.

Reply

11/15/2011

Over here

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes ... more

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes sneakiness, lying, and causes the child to do no more than "make sure he doesn't get caught by the hitter."

There are SO many good parents who parent and never hit a child. If they can do it, why can't everyone? I think hitting is a lazy way of "disciplining" children. The word "discipline" means "to teach" not "to hurt."

I get VERY upset when this subject comes up because pro-hitting people tend to not have any idea the damage they are doing to their kids.

AND NO saying to non-hitting parents, I was spanked and I'm fine is not a reason for doing it, nor does it prove anything to anyone. It's bullshit.

There are SO many good ways to discipline children without instilling fear and lording physical harm over them, why resort to the lowest form of communication: VIOLENCE?

Again: Plenty of parents raise their children well without hitting them. If they can do it, so can you. And NO telling me some stupid story about how your "sister in law doesn't believe in spanking and her kids are total brats" is not going to change my mind, which was influenced by nearly 100 years of Child Development Theory.

BULLSHIT things that I won't listen to as reasons/excuses to HIT children:

1) "I was spanked as a kid and I'm fine." I have NO proof that you are "fine." You could be a totally fucked up asshole. How do I know? Plus, "Fine" isn't good enough for my kids. I want OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT, which doesn't happen when fear and violence is present in the home.

2) "What if your kid runs into the street?" So fucking what? You HIT them to prove what? Again, plenty of parents parent well without hitting, and their kids don't all die by being hit by cars. I don't hit my kids and we never had a problem with running into the street. ONE of my kids did it ONCE. She was properly disciplined with NO hitting and she never did it again. Her siblings never did it.

3) "My religion requires it" I call bullshit on that one. My religion says it's OK to have slaves, rape women and for a man to have as many wives as he can support. (At least according to the Old Testament.) That doesn't make it right. No religion is going to kick you out if you don't hit your kids.

4) "There is a difference between a spanking and beating." Maybe. But every single person who has said this has a different version of where the LINE is. Your line isn't where mine is. If we don't have a Standard, then NO there is no "difference" as people can't agree where the dividing line between beating and "spanking" is.

5) "My kid doesn't respond to anything else. Then you are doing a world of wrong in every other sphere of parenting.

6) "I don't have kids, but spanking is OK because.... Stop RIGHT there, if you haven't been there, being a baby sitter, having step kids for a few weekends a month, knowing your sister in law's or your neighbors kids or having a dog or cat IS NOT the same thing as really being a parent. Let me know when you have more than 20 years parenting kids full time under your belt and we'll talk.

I know sometimes parents lose control. THAT isn't a good reason to defend yourself or your actions. I have lost control two or three times in my years of parenting. I am mature enough to admit that when I did lose control and hit a kid ONCE, I WAS WRONG! I told my child I was wrong. And, I don't defend my relying on bullying tactics when I "lost control" those two or three times while raising THREE kids. I was WRONG and I refuse to try to defend a shitty parenting response that I was WRONG about.

Children shouldn't be hit. There isn't a shred of evidence that it does any good, and plenty of evidence that it does harm.

I need to go lie down.

My POV, my mileage. less

Nice view, Ms. P'Gell. Once you are an adult, the it happened to me excuse just doesn't fly anymore.

Reply

11/15/2011

Sinfully

I don't have any children but if I did I can't see myself spanking them.

Reply

11/15/2011

P'Gell

Quote:

Originally posted by Over here

Nice view, Ms. P'Gell. Once you are an adult, the it happened to me excuse just doesn't fly anymore.

Exactly. People really don't always remember the humiliation and fear of being hit by a HUGE person when they were little.

There are always better ways to discipline a child.

Reply

11/16/2011

Gunsmoke

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

Exactly. People really don't always remember the humiliation and fear of being hit by a HUGE person when they were little.

There are always better ways to discipline a child.

Well that may be true - but too often people use that excuse for doing nothing. The biggest failure of parents today is the lack of discipline - not excessive discipline. Sure the abuses get all the press - but if you are a teacher like my wife, you end up with 30 kids who all think they are in charge of the classroom - just like they are at home.

Too many parents abdicate discipline to the schools - but sadly it's too late by then. The little brats think you should believe it just because they say it - even when you know they are lying. It's because their parents find it easier to believe the lie that to have to deal with discipline.

I don't care if you spank your kids or not - but do something when they are out of line!

Reply

11/16/2011

onehotmomma

I'm not against spanking your kids, but I have 2 and I don't spank them. Not because I don't think it's right, but because there are more effective ways for me to get through to them. I guarantee you if I swatted my kids butt after he did something horrendous, he'd just run and laugh. If I tell him no dessert, or no Movies at night, he has a complete meltdown like the world is ending. Which in my eyes means it's working. I guess they also haven't done anything so horrible to make me want to spank them, where I thought that was the only way.

Growing up we got spanked..well, the troublemakers did. My brother was a horrid child and he got spanked on occasion, but rarely. I never did, but I was a generally good kid. When I say my brother got spanked the 2 incidents that come to mind is fighting with my sister and intentionally pushing her down a flight of 13 stairs, and stealing movies from the neighbors house. He didn't break in or anything, but he took them while he was visiting. My parents only spanked when we were older though..not toddlers or anything like that.

Reply

11/17/2011

Shellz31

If I was to have kids, I'd give a smack (nothing drastic) if they are misbehaving. It's actually illegal to hit ya kids over here and parents don't know any other ways to deal with them which is why there's a lot of little shits running around.
I know some parents are unreasonable and turn it into abuse, but not all do. If I had kids, they would have to be well behaved - I won't tolerate it any other way.
A smack never hurt bro and I when we needed it. We actually were well behaved cause we knew what was coming if we didn't. We've grown up to be respectful adults - unlike many others of today.

Reply

11/17/2011

Jaimes

I'm not a parent yet, but when/if I do become one, I'm not against a little light physical discipline. It rarely happened when I was a kid, but we all knew it was a possibility, and that if we crossed a line, that was the punishment. Honestly, as we got older, disappointing or the idea of embarrassing our parents in public was enough to keep us in line. We were pretty tame, but I believe it was because we knew that there were consequences to really negative actions.

I don't really agree with this new version of parenting I see where the kid ends up in charge of the situation, and parents are running around in circles looking for ANY way to gain control, and the person who ultimately loses is the parent, simply because they can't bring themselves to upset or discipline their child. No, I preferred a household where there were rules, and in the end, my parents were the top of the food chain, and spanking was that last line. It taught me that there is authority in this world, and that I need to have respect for that authority to be successful in life, rather than a spoiled brat who throws a temper tantrum because my every whim isn't immediately catered to. And I'm not talking about kids who do this...

Reply

11/17/2011

Cherrylane

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes ... more

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes sneakiness, lying, and causes the child to do no more than "make sure he doesn't get caught by the hitter."

There are SO many good parents who parent and never hit a child. If they can do it, why can't everyone? I think hitting is a lazy way of "disciplining" children. The word "discipline" means "to teach" not "to hurt."

I get VERY upset when this subject comes up because pro-hitting people tend to not have any idea the damage they are doing to their kids.

AND NO saying to non-hitting parents, I was spanked and I'm fine is not a reason for doing it, nor does it prove anything to anyone. It's bullshit.

There are SO many good ways to discipline children without instilling fear and lording physical harm over them, why resort to the lowest form of communication: VIOLENCE?

Again: Plenty of parents raise their children well without hitting them. If they can do it, so can you. And NO telling me some stupid story about how your "sister in law doesn't believe in spanking and her kids are total brats" is not going to change my mind, which was influenced by nearly 100 years of Child Development Theory.

BULLSHIT things that I won't listen to as reasons/excuses to HIT children:

1) "I was spanked as a kid and I'm fine." I have NO proof that you are "fine." You could be a totally fucked up asshole. How do I know? Plus, "Fine" isn't good enough for my kids. I want OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT, which doesn't happen when fear and violence is present in the home.

2) "What if your kid runs into the street?" So fucking what? You HIT them to prove what? Again, plenty of parents parent well without hitting, and their kids don't all die by being hit by cars. I don't hit my kids and we never had a problem with running into the street. ONE of my kids did it ONCE. She was properly disciplined with NO hitting and she never did it again. Her siblings never did it.

3) "My religion requires it" I call bullshit on that one. My religion says it's OK to have slaves, rape women and for a man to have as many wives as he can support. (At least according to the Old Testament.) That doesn't make it right. No religion is going to kick you out if you don't hit your kids.

4) "There is a difference between a spanking and beating." Maybe. But every single person who has said this has a different version of where the LINE is. Your line isn't where mine is. If we don't have a Standard, then NO there is no "difference" as people can't agree where the dividing line between beating and "spanking" is.

5) "My kid doesn't respond to anything else. Then you are doing a world of wrong in every other sphere of parenting.

6) "I don't have kids, but spanking is OK because.... Stop RIGHT there, if you haven't been there, being a baby sitter, having step kids for a few weekends a month, knowing your sister in law's or your neighbors kids or having a dog or cat IS NOT the same thing as really being a parent. Let me know when you have more than 20 years parenting kids full time under your belt and we'll talk.

I know sometimes parents lose control. THAT isn't a good reason to defend yourself or your actions. I have lost control two or three times in my years of parenting. I am mature enough to admit that when I did lose control and hit a kid ONCE, I WAS WRONG! I told my child I was wrong. And, I don't defend my relying on bullying tactics when I "lost control" those two or three times while raising THREE kids. I was WRONG and I refuse to try to defend a shitty parenting response that I was WRONG about.

Children shouldn't be hit. There isn't a shred of evidence that it does any good, and plenty of evidence that it does harm.

I need to go lie down.

My POV, my mileage. less

THIS.

Every word of it.

Reply

11/17/2011

Rossie

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes ... more

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes sneakiness, lying, and causes the child to do no more than "make sure he doesn't get caught by the hitter."

There are SO many good parents who parent and never hit a child. If they can do it, why can't everyone? I think hitting is a lazy way of "disciplining" children. The word "discipline" means "to teach" not "to hurt."

I get VERY upset when this subject comes up because pro-hitting people tend to not have any idea the damage they are doing to their kids.

AND NO saying to non-hitting parents, I was spanked and I'm fine is not a reason for doing it, nor does it prove anything to anyone. It's bullshit.

There are SO many good ways to discipline children without instilling fear and lording physical harm over them, why resort to the lowest form of communication: VIOLENCE?

Again: Plenty of parents raise their children well without hitting them. If they can do it, so can you. And NO telling me some stupid story about how your "sister in law doesn't believe in spanking and her kids are total brats" is not going to change my mind, which was influenced by nearly 100 years of Child Development Theory.

BULLSHIT things that I won't listen to as reasons/excuses to HIT children:

1) "I was spanked as a kid and I'm fine." I have NO proof that you are "fine." You could be a totally fucked up asshole. How do I know? Plus, "Fine" isn't good enough for my kids. I want OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT, which doesn't happen when fear and violence is present in the home.

2) "What if your kid runs into the street?" So fucking what? You HIT them to prove what? Again, plenty of parents parent well without hitting, and their kids don't all die by being hit by cars. I don't hit my kids and we never had a problem with running into the street. ONE of my kids did it ONCE. She was properly disciplined with NO hitting and she never did it again. Her siblings never did it.

3) "My religion requires it" I call bullshit on that one. My religion says it's OK to have slaves, rape women and for a man to have as many wives as he can support. (At least according to the Old Testament.) That doesn't make it right. No religion is going to kick you out if you don't hit your kids.

4) "There is a difference between a spanking and beating." Maybe. But every single person who has said this has a different version of where the LINE is. Your line isn't where mine is. If we don't have a Standard, then NO there is no "difference" as people can't agree where the dividing line between beating and "spanking" is.

5) "My kid doesn't respond to anything else. Then you are doing a world of wrong in every other sphere of parenting.

6) "I don't have kids, but spanking is OK because.... Stop RIGHT there, if you haven't been there, being a baby sitter, having step kids for a few weekends a month, knowing your sister in law's or your neighbors kids or having a dog or cat IS NOT the same thing as really being a parent. Let me know when you have more than 20 years parenting kids full time under your belt and we'll talk.

I know sometimes parents lose control. THAT isn't a good reason to defend yourself or your actions. I have lost control two or three times in my years of parenting. I am mature enough to admit that when I did lose control and hit a kid ONCE, I WAS WRONG! I told my child I was wrong. And, I don't defend my relying on bullying tactics when I "lost control" those two or three times while raising THREE kids. I was WRONG and I refuse to try to defend a shitty parenting response that I was WRONG about.

Children shouldn't be hit. There isn't a shred of evidence that it does any good, and plenty of evidence that it does harm.

I need to go lie down.

My POV, my mileage. less

I hope all those parents who believe in spanking will read your post, there are other non-violent ways to discipline your children, other than hitting them.

I've smacked my son twice on his bottom when he was a young child, and I still regret it up to this date. I'm 48 years old now, and I still remember how I was being spanked by my mom and older sister when I was a kid, I'm pretty sure YOUR kids will remember what you did to them too!

Reply

11/17/2011

ThoughtsAblaze

Quote:

Originally posted by WhoopieDoo

It really depends on the child.

Spanking worked for disciplining my brother. Spanking shamed him greatly and the emotional aspect of it was enough to deter him from bad behavior.....not that he misbehaved all that often. He was a dream ... more

This was the case when I was a kid. Spanking worked for me, but my siblings responded to losing privileges.

Spanking is definitely not my preferred method of discipline, though. And ultimately, my partner and I will have to decide together what to do. I think the worst discipline of all is inconsistent discipline.

Reply

11/17/2011

Starkiller87

When I was a kid Time outs did not work period. I was spanked less than a handful of times, and I learned really quick not to do what I was doing. I was never beat, I got a quick whack across the butt. I dont feel damaged from it at all, as I got older I respected my parents. We never did anything even in hiding to try and get away with something, because my parents werent mean people or angry people. I think my dad yelled at me once in my entire life. I think when I was spanked each time was necessary and my parents felt guilty and didnt enjoy it. One of these times I was playing with matches and set the couch on fire. I was curious and didnt know better.

I remember being spanked but am no way traumatized by it, or feel scared of my parents. I wasnt scared of my parents than, I knew it was me being punished for something I did and why. I think if it is explained to the child than they would have no reason for being scared of why it happened, like how I felt. I had it in the back of my mind as a lesson but was no way afraid my parents would hurt me if that makes sense.

Reply

11/17/2011

Youssii

I feel physically sick seeing all of these parents commenting here saying they spank.

By the age of 6 I was aware I had a fetish for spanking (I didn't know what a fetish was, I just knew I liked it), and being hit would definitely be sexual abuse. I would never forgive my parents if they did that.

I know not everyone fetishizes spanking, but any half decent parent wouldn't risk it.

I would never hit a child, but I don't necessarily judge parents who tap their toddler on the hand etc. I just have an issue with parents who make it into a ritual.

Reply

05/11/2012

Khanner

Quote:

Originally posted by P'Gell

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes ... more

I do have a degree in Child Development and there is plenty of evidence that hitting (I hate the word "spanking" for hitting children, let's call it what it is: HITTING) does not bring the desired results in children and often causes sneakiness, lying, and causes the child to do no more than "make sure he doesn't get caught by the hitter."

There are SO many good parents who parent and never hit a child. If they can do it, why can't everyone? I think hitting is a lazy way of "disciplining" children. The word "discipline" means "to teach" not "to hurt."

I get VERY upset when this subject comes up because pro-hitting people tend to not have any idea the damage they are doing to their kids.

AND NO saying to non-hitting parents, I was spanked and I'm fine is not a reason for doing it, nor does it prove anything to anyone. It's bullshit.

There are SO many good ways to discipline children without instilling fear and lording physical harm over them, why resort to the lowest form of communication: VIOLENCE?

Again: Plenty of parents raise their children well without hitting them. If they can do it, so can you. And NO telling me some stupid story about how your "sister in law doesn't believe in spanking and her kids are total brats" is not going to change my mind, which was influenced by nearly 100 years of Child Development Theory.

BULLSHIT things that I won't listen to as reasons/excuses to HIT children:

1) "I was spanked as a kid and I'm fine." I have NO proof that you are "fine." You could be a totally fucked up asshole. How do I know? Plus, "Fine" isn't good enough for my kids. I want OPTIMAL DEVELOPMENT, which doesn't happen when fear and violence is present in the home.

2) "What if your kid runs into the street?" So fucking what? You HIT them to prove what? Again, plenty of parents parent well without hitting, and their kids don't all die by being hit by cars. I don't hit my kids and we never had a problem with running into the street. ONE of my kids did it ONCE. She was properly disciplined with NO hitting and she never did it again. Her siblings never did it.

3) "My religion requires it" I call bullshit on that one. My religion says it's OK to have slaves, rape women and for a man to have as many wives as he can support. (At least according to the Old Testament.) That doesn't make it right. No religion is going to kick you out if you don't hit your kids.

4) "There is a difference between a spanking and beating." Maybe. But every single person who has said this has a different version of where the LINE is. Your line isn't where mine is. If we don't have a Standard, then NO there is no "difference" as people can't agree where the dividing line between beating and "spanking" is.

5) "My kid doesn't respond to anything else. Then you are doing a world of wrong in every other sphere of parenting.

6) "I don't have kids, but spanking is OK because.... Stop RIGHT there, if you haven't been there, being a baby sitter, having step kids for a few weekends a month, knowing your sister in law's or your neighbors kids or having a dog or cat IS NOT the same thing as really being a parent. Let me know when you have more than 20 years parenting kids full time under your belt and we'll talk.

I know sometimes parents lose control. THAT isn't a good reason to defend yourself or your actions. I have lost control two or three times in my years of parenting. I am mature enough to admit that when I did lose control and hit a kid ONCE, I WAS WRONG! I told my child I was wrong. And, I don't defend my relying on bullying tactics when I "lost control" those two or three times while raising THREE kids. I was WRONG and I refuse to try to defend a shitty parenting response that I was WRONG about.

Children shouldn't be hit. There isn't a shred of evidence that it does any good, and plenty of evidence that it does harm.

I need to go lie down.

My POV, my mileage. less

Pro-spankers, PLEASE read this post! It is not opinion or theory, but based on evidence from many psychological studies, that spanking is not a good way to raise your kids.

It stunts the child's moral development. The child learns that they shouldn't do something because they fear getting caught, not because of the natural consequences of the bad behavior. Even if you explain to them why the behavior is bad while spanking them, fear and pain inhibit learning. This teaches them unquestioning obedience to authority, not critical thinking.

Besides, you may be able to bully your children when they're 30 pounds, but what happens when they're 15, in peak physical condition, and you're over the hill and possibly smaller than them now? Now that you're not a physical threat to them you will have to figure something else out, or risk them turning the tables on you.

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05/11/2012

NarcissisticLust

Quote:

Originally posted by Ash1141

Just curious as I know this can be a heated debate.

I think it really depends on what sort of discipline works best for the child. My sister and I are very different people and my mother disciplined us as such. If I was spanked, I probably would have been more angry and just one-upped her so my mother always sat me down and talked things through. Speaking rationally with my younger sister never works, she was always spanked and that corrected the issues. I have no children so I can't say what I'll do in the future, but I think spanking is dependent on the person and the situation.

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05/11/2012

PinkiePie

I'm not the sort to spank. When I was a kid, my mom tried to spank me and she says I just smacked her right back so I feel like there are much better methods of discipline.

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05/11/2012

xOhxSoxScandalousx

Probably not. My daughter is way too young to be spanked right now. I think it depends on the kind of kid you have. Some kids are wild and don't give a shit what you say until you spank them. And some kids just need a simple time out and they will learn their lesson. I think spanking is okay if you don't do it out of anger. You go too far when you spank out of anger and the child will never understand. I don't condone abuse what so ever. It's up to the parent what discipline they plan on using on their children as long as objects aren't used or you are beating your child. My husband and I talk about this all the time. I guess we will see when our kids get older. I rather not spank but I do think that sometimes it is needed.

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05/11/2012

maetico

there are other accurate ways to disciplinate

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06/17/2012

booboo111926

Id try different forms of discipline first and spanking would be the last resort.

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06/17/2012

CindyH

There is nothing wrong with a spank as long as it doesn't get out of hand

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06/18/2012

cryinglightning86

I don't have kids, and I don't really want them. As a child, I was spanked occasionally, but not often. I feel like there are better ways to discipline children than to hit them.

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06/18/2012