I love it. Absolutely love it.
There's a book called
"The Erotic Mind that goes into the psychology of arousal. It's an amazing book and highly recommended. The premise is the paradoxical perspective on eroticism: "this new paradigm acknowledges and embraces the contradictory, dual-edged nature of erotic life. It recognizes that anything that inhibits arousal-including anxiety or guilt-can, under different circumstances, amplify it."
The way it works for me, is that it has to happen in an atmosphere of complete trust and affection from my partner. If a coworker or neighbour or stranger called me a "dirty whore", I'd be frightened and disgusted and angry, just like anyone else. But if my bf says it to me, it instantly arouses me because I can safely experience those emotions in an erotic context.
Or a non-sexual example: Think of the fear of falling. If I'm standing on the roof of a high building looking down, I'd be quite rightly afraid to let someone push me. But I'll pay good money and stand in line a long time to let someone strap me into a roller coaster where I'll experience a "fall" from the same height. That fear becomes a thrill when it's done in a safe way.
Everyone has their own level of what amount of danger they'll accept to get that thrill. Some people won't get on a roller coaster at all, while others think roller coasters too tame and go bungee jumping. In the same way, some people will play with a very light dominance scenario, like the one Kendra describes, and be completely fulfilled, while others will want to take it much further.
I hope that helps to explain why a normal, emotionally stable couple, might enjoy playing games with humiliation. Just as the operator of the roller coaster isn't inflicting physical harm on the people he sends plummeting hundreds of feet, the person who is humiliating their partner in a consensual way is not inflicting emotional harm. We're just going a little farther in our erotic thrill-seeking than other couples might be comfortable with.
