The New Intimacy

Do you know anyone who got married JUST because they were pregnant?

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Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Just curious to see if you or anyone you know married due to pregnancy and how it worked out. (I'm not pregnant, for those who may be wondering and I'm already married. )
Let's just say the first pregnancy speeded up the wedding date.

We have been together for a long time. We were waiting for me to finish college and I really wanted to go to Grad School right away or Med School. A few months after graduation we had PIV without protection for the first time ever. It was just one of those things, I thought I was in my "safe time" (I learned later not to trust "Natural Family Planning" all it did was get me pregnant.)

We had already bought a house, were living in it and were planning a wedding.

The baby on the way (and we wanted babies, so it was all good) just speeded things up. Getting and advanced degree with small children in the house isn't easy, but it's possible. I wouldn't recommend it, though. I've told my own girls "Finish grad school before the babies start coming!" They are not even sure if they want babies, yet.

I know a few couples who got married because of a pregnancy who didn't intend to get married before hand, and it usually doesn't work out. The ones who had already committed to each other found that the early baby did no damage to the relationship.

My Man and I have been together for 20+ years. Still in love, still happy. I assume we would have gotten married if I hadn't been pregnant. But, as I said, the pregnancy did no damage to the relationship. I think it depends on the couple.

I knew a few girls who got married IN High School. Disaster all around. Even the ones who got married right out of High School seemed to have bad luck at marriage, even if there wasn't a baby on the way. (I come from a working class neighborhood, Chicago immigrants, and a lot of the 2nd generation girls got married very young.)

Of course, I also know people who got married in their 30s, with NO children at all and made a mess of things and ended up with disaster divorces.
07/17/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
I know too many people who got knocked up (in highschool and beyond) and got married because. Some are happy, some grew up and decided it was a stupid decision, and some decided it was a stupid decision and stayed with their partner anyway. Only one couple decided to have an open relationship.
07/17/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I probably should have chosen the "got married and it worked out" but the word "just" was in there. We were and are in love, we didn't get married "just" because of the pregnancy. But, it did move the date and make it absolute.
07/17/2011
Contributor: Ghost Ghost
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I probably should have chosen the "got married and it worked out" but the word "just" was in there. We were and are in love, we didn't get married "just" because of the pregnancy. But, it did move the date and make it absolute.
It's good that you had a solid relationship beforehand, though! I know a lot of people who were together only a short time, pretty incompatible, and only got married because of the baby. Some of them worked it out and formed a partnership, but many other times it ended in tears for both parties.
07/17/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
My husband's parents did sort of. They knew they were going to get married anyway, but my oldest brother in law sped that up for them.

Otherwise I don't think I know anybody personally who got married just because of a baby. When my cousin got pregnant at 16 she didn't want to get married because they could always get married later if they wanted to, but divorce was something neither of them wanted to deal with if they ended. Another cousin announced an engagement while I was on my honeymoon after dating the guy for maybe a month, and then in May announced she was pregnant. She'll be having her baby about the time of my 1st anniversary, but the wedding is planned for a few months later.
07/18/2011
Contributor: systematicweasel systematicweasel
I know a few people, most are still together and happy ^^
08/10/2011
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
Quote:
Originally posted by Jul!a
My husband's parents did sort of. They knew they were going to get married anyway, but my oldest brother in law sped that up for them.

Otherwise I don't think I know anybody personally who got married just because of a baby. When my ... more
Very different approaches, guess it's a sign of the times?
08/10/2011
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
Quote:
Originally posted by Ansley
Very different approaches, guess it's a sign of the times?
I'd say so.
08/10/2011
Contributor: Yaoi Pervette (deleted) Yaoi Pervette (deleted)
I know two girls who basically got married right out of high school, because they got pregnant. The bad thing is that the guys in question were already major douches before the babies or marriages happened. I advised them not to go through with the marriages. They didn't listen. Both are divorced. One had her husband cheat on her multiple times. The other one's husband was abusive to her and the children.

Come to think of it, both of my uncles got married because they impregnated their girlfriends. One is still with his wife. They have several children, grandchildren, and even a great-grandchild. They were together for years before the pregnancy and marriage, so they probably would have gotten married eventually anyway. My other uncle's marriage didn't work out.
08/10/2011
Contributor: Beck Beck
Quote:
Originally posted by darthkitt3n
I don't know anyone who got married because of pregnancy.
same here
08/10/2011
Contributor: Miss Anonymous Miss Anonymous
I don't support the idea of getting married just because you are pregnat at all. I've known some who did, and they are happy. But, the people who did it and are happy are less than the people who did it, and it didn't work out.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Sunshineamine Sunshineamine
My sister and her husband got married when she was pregnant. They are mostly unhappy but I am encouraging them to try and work it out. Hopefully they can but if not oh well at least they tried.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
I know several people in this situation, none of them have lasted or ended well at all. One of my very best friends did this, and he was very verbally and sometimes physically abusive to her while she was still pregnant...and he ended up committing suicide before she had their child! She has raised her daughter as a single mom, and been happy with her life, but I think that is the most "tragic" ending to one of those stories I have! The rest all ended in divorce. I would never do it, because it wouldn't be fair to me, the father, or the child (in my opinion), but different couples make different things work. I just know that getting pregnant to me doesn't mean I need to marry him, and that also doesn't mean we can't still live together and be a family. I don't need a certificate by the state telling me that I love a person.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Illumin8 Illumin8
I know a couple of people who got married because of a pregnancy, but the marriages have since ended.
09/17/2011
Contributor: Marziba Marziba
My fiance's parents got married when his mom was seven months along with him, lol. His dad was deeply LDS and when you're LDS, you face excommunication from the church for those kinds of things. Twenty-six years and still going, but I don't believe it's entirely happy... They got really lucky, IMHO.

My oldest sister got married at nineteen because she had an 'oops'. She is now twice-divorced from two abusive alcoholics/gang bangers and has four kids, one of which is already a delinquent. My second oldest sister got married the night before she gave birth to a man she had been dating on/off since high school (8 years, at the time), and is still married to him. They now have two sons and are quite miserable. My fiance's older sister got married to a man she'd been dating less than a year. They're still married, and now have two daughters and a six-month-old son, and are struggling to get by.

Lesson learned by me from all of this: Use birth control. ALWAYS. Use birth control. EVERY SINGLE TIME. And just when you think you're safe, use TWO methods, ALWAYS. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. No excuses!

Just because someone got you pregnant doesn't mean they care about you and can provide for you. You never know if they'll turn into an abuser. Not only that, after you get married, it suddenly becomes easier to say, "Well, oops. My birth control failed. I guess we're having another! It's okay this time; we're married!" Which is... bs. Not to mention... out of the stories I know, two of these families have had CPS called on them, and for good reason: alcohol around young kids, physical/verbal abuse, drugs, crime, neglect, deplorable conditions.

Personally, if it happened to me - Game Over. I'd end the relationship with whoever got me pregnant and I'd end the pregnancy as soon as possible.
09/18/2011
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
Quote:
Originally posted by Marziba
My fiance's parents got married when his mom was seven months along with him, lol. His dad was deeply LDS and when you're LDS, you face excommunication from the church for those kinds of things. Twenty-six years and still going, but I ... more
Reminds me of a sad story concerning one of my coworkers: her mother had a one-night stand, got pregnant with her, never heard from the guy again. When my coworker was 14, her dad blows back into town again, he's told that she's his daughter, and he says "I fucked your mom, that's all. I don't want anything to do with you." She responded by kicking him in the balls and saying "Now you can't say that to another kid, fucker."
09/18/2011
Contributor: WhoopieDoo WhoopieDoo
Yes, my parents are still happily married
09/18/2011
Contributor: js250 js250
I was a teen in the 80's, I think most of us did!! I waited, but still married him 3 years later. Divorced at the 7 year mark. Very happy, though 14 and going with my hubby!
09/18/2011
Contributor: ToyGurl ToyGurl
My husband's mother got pregnant her... I think 2nd year of college... from a one night stand with his father. The father really really really liked the mother but to her, he was just a one night stand. She planned to keep the pregnancy a secret from everyone, but he kept calling and calling so she finally told him thinking it would scare him away. It only made him like her more. He said they should get married that way it could be disguised as a pregnancy on wedding night and they did. They were never happy until the day my husband was born. The only this is that you can visibly tell that his mother isn't as happy with the father as the father is happy with her. It's sad. But they're together and have 3 more kids!
09/18/2011
Contributor: EvilHomer EvilHomer
Voted other for no.
09/18/2011
Contributor: cheetahpita cheetahpita
I know a girl who got pregnant in college, she married the father of the baby, and it sounds like they're doing alright. Got their problems like any other relationship, but it doesn't seem like they hate each other - and they definitely love the kid.
09/18/2011
Contributor: MrWishyWashy MrWishyWashy
I know someone who did, but divorced now....
09/18/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I only know 1 couple that got married just because they were going to have a baby. They were pretty young and it was sort of a shot gun type wedding. They stayed married for a while, but are no longer together. I also know 1 couple that got pregnant fairly young, but did not get married immediately because of it. They actually continued dating, and once they knew they loved each other they did get married, and so far they are doing fine.
09/18/2011
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Ghost
It's good that you had a solid relationship beforehand, though! I know a lot of people who were together only a short time, pretty incompatible, and only got married because of the baby. Some of them worked it out and formed a partnership, but ... more
I had been with My Man for a long time. We had already Closed the relationship (we had an Open Relationship for a while before that) and were engaged, had bought a house together and were planning a wedding. It was a very solid relationship.

Any casual sex I ever engaged in was only with very good protection from pregnancy. I would never have use "Natural Family Planning" with a Fuck Buddy. (Which failed when My Man and I tried to use it, but it resulted in our oldest child, whom we love very much, of course.)

When I was in High School a LOT of girls got pregnant and close to half of them who opted to stay pregnant got married. I don't think very many of them are still with the same man who originally got them pregnant. It was still expected, then, that you would either get married or give the baby up for adoption. I know a number of girls who had babies forcefully taken from them at their parents' command. It was horrible for them. I have two friends who have never recovered from their babies being taken away.
10/16/2011
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
I know several people like that. A few of them worked out, but most of them ended. My parents got married because of me, and they didn't last a year.
10/16/2011