I feel a bit like a heel being the first to respond in the negative to this... but physique is something that's important to my arousal---both as a physical thing, and mentally because taking care of one's self is a trait I find to be attractive. (There's a history of heart failure in my family for most people who didn't watch their waistline, but not for a single person who maintained a healthy weight.)

If my long-term partner were to begin gaining weight, well, first we'd have a talk about it if it got to be 10 pounds or something --- I'd have a lot of responsibility, too, since I'm generally the meal-preparer in any living situation I'm in. So hopefully we'd be able to work together to get the weight lost, by reducing calories and exercising together, and both stay at a healthy weight together.

So, short answer---no, I would not still get autonomously aroused after 30lb of weight gain. If it were to happen, I'd still keep having sex with my partner, but we would have to be working together toward weight loss or I would quickly begin to lose faith. (I do discuss this with long-term partners before settling into a relationship.) less

I feel a bit like a heel being the first to respond in the negative to this... but physique is something that's important to my arousal---both as a physical thing, and mentally because taking care of one's self is a trait I find to be attractive. (There's a history of heart failure in my family for most people who didn't watch their waistline, but not for a single person who maintained a healthy weight.)

If my long-term partner were to begin gaining weight, well, first we'd have a talk about it if it got to be 10 pounds or something --- I'd have a lot of responsibility, too, since I'm generally the meal-preparer in any living situation I'm in. So hopefully we'd be able to work together to get the weight lost, by reducing calories and exercising together, and both stay at a healthy weight together.

So, short answer---no, I would not still get autonomously aroused after 30lb of weight gain. If it were to happen, I'd still keep having sex with my partner, but we would have to be working together toward weight loss or I would quickly begin to lose faith. (I do discuss this with long-term partners before settling into a relationship.) less

Also, Antipova, I have to say I really appreciate your honesty because I think a lot of people feel similarly to you but are afraid of sounding negative. I think this is an important topic to talk about, but the conversation is pointless if people aren't honest! less

First: a trigger warning for discussion of drug addiction below which might be upsetting to some.

I understand your opinion and totally appreciate it, however, I'd like to note that we all have different ideas of what it means to care for one's self. Sure, I don't like to see my partner eat egg sandwiches with like, four scrambled eggs with the yolks (which he WILL do if I don't yell at him lol). I know that the cholesterol is bad for his heart and all I can think about is if he has a heart attack he's going to leave me alone. Sure HE will have enjoyed his life and had all the eggs he wanted, but I will be the one left alone. My dad has a lot of health problems from drug and alcohol abuse and it's a similar situation where he's left my mother financially unstable as she gets older due to loss of work as a result of his illnesses. She will also eventually be left alone when he dies far before her.

However, I also have seen my boyfriend lose tons of weight due to heroin abuse and not eat for days on end because heroin essentially shuts down your digestive system, causing you to basically throw up anything you eat. Not that you have much of an appetite anyway with heroin. Anyway, he probably LOOKED "better" than he ever has in his life in terms of appearing thin and in good health because he has always been on the heavier side. However, he was malnourished and horribly abusing all of his systems with an incredibly dangerous drug. So the way that he looked? Really had nothing to do with his health. It was a false indication of a healthy, self-loving life style, because what he lived was furthest of all from that.

Additionally, as someone that has struggled with severe and at times very, very problematic anorexia since I was about 9, I have also frequently been told how beautiful and healthy I look when I felt on the verge of collapse from malnutrition. The times I felt the most miserable and sick were the times that people responded most positively to my appearance, were most attracted to me and offered me the most praise.

Personally, I would rather see someone eat a lot of food - even if I know that it will likely negatively impact their health - and carry extra weight. To me (and I only claim to speak for myself, no one else) that indicates self care in a very visceral, knee-jerk way. You are sustaining your life in a most basic way, and to me it signifies a lust and zeal for sustaining that life that to me is very attractive. I don't claim this is the definitively correct way to interpret this act. I don't believe weight or eating habits are inherently meaningful, we that rather give meaning to them. However, I'm just putting it out there that this is the meaning I read in those actions. Just to get some different reactions out there to make for more diverse/interesting dialogue! less

First: a trigger warning for discussion of drug addiction below which might be upsetting to some.

I understand your opinion and totally appreciate it, however, I'd like to note that we all have different ideas of what it means to care for one's self. Sure, I don't like to see my partner eat egg sandwiches with like, four scrambled eggs with the yolks (which he WILL do if I don't yell at him lol). I know that the cholesterol is bad for his heart and all I can think about is if he has a heart attack he's going to leave me alone. Sure HE will have enjoyed his life and had all the eggs he wanted, but I will be the one left alone. My dad has a lot of health problems from drug and alcohol abuse and it's a similar situation where he's left my mother financially unstable as she gets older due to loss of work as a result of his illnesses. She will also eventually be left alone when he dies far before her.

However, I also have seen my boyfriend lose tons of weight due to heroin abuse and not eat for days on end because heroin essentially shuts down your digestive system, causing you to basically throw up anything you eat. Not that you have much of an appetite anyway with heroin. Anyway, he probably LOOKED "better" than he ever has in his life in terms of appearing thin and in good health because he has always been on the heavier side. However, he was malnourished and horribly abusing all of his systems with an incredibly dangerous drug. So the way that he looked? Really had nothing to do with his health. It was a false indication of a healthy, self-loving life style, because what he lived was furthest of all from that.

Additionally, as someone that has struggled with severe and at times very, very problematic anorexia since I was about 9, I have also frequently been told how beautiful and healthy I look when I felt on the verge of collapse from malnutrition. The times I felt the most miserable and sick were the times that people responded most positively to my appearance, were most attracted to me and offered me the most praise.

Personally, I would rather see someone eat a lot of food - even if I know that it will likely negatively impact their health - and carry extra weight. To me (and I only claim to speak for myself, no one else) that indicates self care in a very visceral, knee-jerk way. You are sustaining your life in a most basic way, and to me it signifies a lust and zeal for sustaining that life that to me is very attractive. I don't claim this is the definitively correct way to interpret this act. I don't believe weight or eating habits are inherently meaningful, we that rather give meaning to them. However, I'm just putting it out there that this is the meaning I read in those actions. Just to get some different reactions out there to make for more diverse/interesting dialogue! less