I'd say 2 years is a good average but if there's a problem, it will be there no matter how many years.
3 year itch (private poll)
12/27/2011
I can't speculate on others' relationships, but major problems arose in mine around the three-year mark: My partner seemed to be disinterested, ditched me when I got sick, disliked the anniversary gifts I got him, then cheated on me. :/
12/27/2011
We have problems, but what couple doesn't? We're both willing to work through them and find solutions so far. We are just about to hit our 3-year-mark, so we'll see.
01/15/2012
I get the idea, but I don't think this is totally true.
01/15/2012
Quote:
Depends on the person, but for me when I find the right person I try to make it last. I'm a pretty negotiable and creative person so I can usually figure out how to make it better if the need arises.
Originally posted by
Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships
...
more
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships no longer last past 3 years (marriage, mostly).
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
01/15/2012
I think it depends on the couple. I've known people who were so madly into each after many, many years and I've known people who were tired of each other within a year.
02/16/2012
-bump-
Still curious to see how many newer contributors will answer this!
Still curious to see how many newer contributors will answer this!
05/26/2012
I heard something similar to this except it was 5 years. I don't know if this is a bunch of bunk or not but they say it's because if you don't have good sex often or get to "baby making mode soon" something in the brain is telling you that this is a waste of time and you need to get someone new asap! Also all those nice "I'm in love!" chemicals supposedly start to fizzle away, especially if at first it was just a fling or only being physically attracted. lol. I have no idea where I heard that. I think it was on a tv show on Discovery channel about sex and our natural instincts ect. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and I'm still madly in love with him so it sounds like a bunch of bunk to me. Anyway, I really believe in the "90 day trial" you should give someone when you go out for the first time. It gives you enough time to really learn about the person and then you can act accordingly. lol.
05/26/2012
Quote:
I agree completely.
Originally posted by
Ansley
Bigger
Better
Deal
That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do. ... more
Better
Deal
That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do. ... more
Bigger
Better
Deal
That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do.
"Oh, he talks to his best friend too much and goes out with the guys one night too many during the month? Dump that motherfucker! There's someone else out there for you; with 6 billion people on the planet, there has to be!"
It doesn't help that a lot of people from my generation experienced divorce as young children and didn't have solid relationship foundations to look to for examples on how to conduct their own relationships. It's much easier to walk away and start over again than it is to try and work things out. I think it ultimately boils down to a difference in maturity between the two partners.
I think people give up way, way too easily. There is not a person on the planet who doesn't have something "wrong" with them in some way. There isn't anyone who isn't damaged or disturbed or incapable of (insert noun here) and I think it's ridiculous to have the expectation that you're never going to be annoyed, that you're never going to be hurt, or that you're never doing to be disappointed with the person you choose to be in a relationship with. It happens. What matters is how you get through it and if you bail on relationships for, what is in my opinion, stupid reasons I think that says a lot about who you are as a person.
More to the point, I think constantly ending up in relationships when there isn't true love present says a lot about who you are as a person. Those type of arrangements are the most likely to fail. It's kind of like "oh we had sex, we're in a relationship now!" and then things just slowly start to go downhill.
It takes years and I mean years to learn who someone really is and the kicker is that there is always going to be an aspect of their personality that changes throughout the years.
I've held on through some really rough times, times where I thought I was going to go insane or jump off a bridge. We took a breather, came back together and made it work because we wanted to; and some people think that makes me a doormat, I think it makes me dedicated. less
Better
Deal
That's the problem. I don't know when it started to happen exactly, but somewhere along the way being able to run out on your relationship when the times got tough was the "thing" to do.
"Oh, he talks to his best friend too much and goes out with the guys one night too many during the month? Dump that motherfucker! There's someone else out there for you; with 6 billion people on the planet, there has to be!"
It doesn't help that a lot of people from my generation experienced divorce as young children and didn't have solid relationship foundations to look to for examples on how to conduct their own relationships. It's much easier to walk away and start over again than it is to try and work things out. I think it ultimately boils down to a difference in maturity between the two partners.
I think people give up way, way too easily. There is not a person on the planet who doesn't have something "wrong" with them in some way. There isn't anyone who isn't damaged or disturbed or incapable of (insert noun here) and I think it's ridiculous to have the expectation that you're never going to be annoyed, that you're never going to be hurt, or that you're never doing to be disappointed with the person you choose to be in a relationship with. It happens. What matters is how you get through it and if you bail on relationships for, what is in my opinion, stupid reasons I think that says a lot about who you are as a person.
More to the point, I think constantly ending up in relationships when there isn't true love present says a lot about who you are as a person. Those type of arrangements are the most likely to fail. It's kind of like "oh we had sex, we're in a relationship now!" and then things just slowly start to go downhill.
It takes years and I mean years to learn who someone really is and the kicker is that there is always going to be an aspect of their personality that changes throughout the years.
I've held on through some really rough times, times where I thought I was going to go insane or jump off a bridge. We took a breather, came back together and made it work because we wanted to; and some people think that makes me a doormat, I think it makes me dedicated. less
I think a lot of people, young and older, tend to take the "If it gets rough, I'll just bail." approach to relationships.
Relationships are hard. My Man and I haven't stayed together for more than 20 years because either of us are all that easy to get along with. (The opposite is actually true.) We're still together because we WORKED to make the love stay and the relationship work.
I understand that some relationships simply can't be saved and some are dangerous and in that case the one in danger needs to get out as soon as possible. But in many cases (but not all) the whole thing could have been avoided. in the first place. Get to KNOW someone before you commit to them. NO, I'm NOT "blaming the victim" just that in every abusive relationship I've seen, there were plenty of red flags and warning signs and the eventually abused person usually simply ignored the red flag because they either felt they were "in love" or got married due to pressure from their family, thought they could "change" the other person or didn't want to be alone.
Aside from dangerous relationships, a lot of people (especially women) seem to think they can "change" their lover, and the only person you can change is yourself. So, when a person can't "fix" their lover's perceived flaws, the person trying to do the "fixing" gets upset and usually leaves, and then usually ends up in a similar relationship with nearly the same results.
People need to take their time and get to know the other person, learn respect and learn to forgive. You have to WORK to stay in love, and people who try to "change" others always end up disappointing. Choose somebody with flaws you can live with, because they will have them for life, as will you.
05/26/2012
Quote:
I need to be honest with you, using alcohol to get someone "in the mood to talk" is dangerous work.
Originally posted by
poetprincess
I have actually tried to talk to my man, in many many different ways and he always trys to change the subject or he ignores the issue instead of trying to fix it. I really wish he would talk to me about it. I used to be able to get a few beers into
...
more
I have actually tried to talk to my man, in many many different ways and he always trys to change the subject or he ignores the issue instead of trying to fix it. I really wish he would talk to me about it. I used to be able to get a few beers into him and he would talk to me about anything. now he wont touch a beer cause he is scared he may say something he dont want me to hear..
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Most men are NOT fond of "discussing the relationship." And, honestly, actions are more important than what either of you say during a "talk."
When a partner doesn't want to discuss something they usually have a good reason for not wanting to talk about it.
If he doesn't want to talk, he doesn't want to talk. Using alcohol to loosen him up could end up in disaster. You're better off with a quiet man who doesn't drink, believe me.
05/26/2012
I think this is common now among some groups but not for all. I've been married almost 9 years and we've been together for 13. We stick together through all the good and bad times and always triumph in the end.
05/26/2012
Couples rush into marriage thinking it is something that HAS to be done.
Now let me say that I was raised in a Baptist household. I was taught that divorce was not something to be done unless absolutely necessarily. And the 'courtship' should be no less than a year, preferably two. There was also the 'Save sex for marriage' deal too. My parents divorced when I was nine and both of them remarried after one year...then got divorced again. Ya, neither of them practiced what they preached.
So maybe some of the Old School mentality is ingrained into us some how, but as for me, and the wife, we were in no rush to get married. In fact we were together unmarried for ten years before we considered marriage. Honestly, the only reasons we got married were for the kids (had one and the second was on the way) and so we could build our credit up to buy a house.
To this day I always tell folks to live together for a few years first before marriage, that way they can find out if it is something that will last and if there is true love between the two.
Like some others have stated, it is too easy to get a divorce in today's society. I remember back when my folks got their divorce they basically had to find new friends, change churches etc. etc. just to be able to move on with there decision. Nowadays "Leave him for going out with the boys every Tuesday night" or "She just wants you for your money, you should dump her" is spoken all to easy.
Granted there are some times when a divorce is needed like in cases of abuse or cheating, nothing wrong with that at all. But I have known couples that divorced from a simple argument like what car to buy or how big of a house to buy.
For the wife and I what works for us is the desire to work through any problem that may arise and to allow disagreements to be just that, a disagreement. All because she does not enjoy doing something that I love does not mean I have to be an asshole about it. Another thing that helped us through the early years can be described by our song Nothing Else Matters by Metallica:
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
Now let me say that I was raised in a Baptist household. I was taught that divorce was not something to be done unless absolutely necessarily. And the 'courtship' should be no less than a year, preferably two. There was also the 'Save sex for marriage' deal too. My parents divorced when I was nine and both of them remarried after one year...then got divorced again. Ya, neither of them practiced what they preached.
So maybe some of the Old School mentality is ingrained into us some how, but as for me, and the wife, we were in no rush to get married. In fact we were together unmarried for ten years before we considered marriage. Honestly, the only reasons we got married were for the kids (had one and the second was on the way) and so we could build our credit up to buy a house.
To this day I always tell folks to live together for a few years first before marriage, that way they can find out if it is something that will last and if there is true love between the two.
Like some others have stated, it is too easy to get a divorce in today's society. I remember back when my folks got their divorce they basically had to find new friends, change churches etc. etc. just to be able to move on with there decision. Nowadays "Leave him for going out with the boys every Tuesday night" or "She just wants you for your money, you should dump her" is spoken all to easy.
Granted there are some times when a divorce is needed like in cases of abuse or cheating, nothing wrong with that at all. But I have known couples that divorced from a simple argument like what car to buy or how big of a house to buy.
For the wife and I what works for us is the desire to work through any problem that may arise and to allow disagreements to be just that, a disagreement. All because she does not enjoy doing something that I love does not mean I have to be an asshole about it. Another thing that helped us through the early years can be described by our song Nothing Else Matters by Metallica:
So close no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trust in who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don't just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
05/26/2012
I think as a statistic it is pretty accurate. Divorce rates across the US are way up, but if they are also adding in all relationships I can't find the number surprising. Think about how many people you dated for 3 years or more. I think the number is slightly skewed by that and probably by the method by which they asked it because it relies on a persons definition of a "relationship"
05/26/2012
I think if you LET it, it can happen, but I truly believe that relationships are all about what you put into it
05/26/2012
Quote:
Well said.
Originally posted by
Jul!a
I (unsurprisingly) agree with most of this.
I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or ... more
I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or ... more
I (unsurprisingly) agree with most of this.
I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or boring. I have a bad habit of getting bored with things quickly, and I do think that a huge part of what's helped with my husband is that we spend every day together so I don't have time to get bored with the idea of him. I know it may seem backwards that spending time with him keeps me from getting bored with him, but I like to think it's a combination of always seeing each other and being the right people for each other.
I'll also admit that sure, there are times where I sometimes wish life had gone differently and I wasn't settled down, but I also think that a lot of people wonder "what if" even if they're completely happy, not for a longing for something different but for curiosity's sake. I think that part of the reason that relationships seem to fail when people get bored, start to wonder "what if," and then go off to find out "what if;" ending their relationship in the process.
I also agree with beck's statement of "Honestly I think people have the itch it is just whether or not you go ahead and do it. I just do not think there is a time frame, some get bored faster and others hardly do." I think she probably summed it up better than I could, but I wanted to share my feelings anyway. less
I do think that there's a bad habit mostly among the younger crowd, but I don't think it fully encompasses any one specific group of people, to leave when things start to get rough or boring. I have a bad habit of getting bored with things quickly, and I do think that a huge part of what's helped with my husband is that we spend every day together so I don't have time to get bored with the idea of him. I know it may seem backwards that spending time with him keeps me from getting bored with him, but I like to think it's a combination of always seeing each other and being the right people for each other.
I'll also admit that sure, there are times where I sometimes wish life had gone differently and I wasn't settled down, but I also think that a lot of people wonder "what if" even if they're completely happy, not for a longing for something different but for curiosity's sake. I think that part of the reason that relationships seem to fail when people get bored, start to wonder "what if," and then go off to find out "what if;" ending their relationship in the process.
I also agree with beck's statement of "Honestly I think people have the itch it is just whether or not you go ahead and do it. I just do not think there is a time frame, some get bored faster and others hardly do." I think she probably summed it up better than I could, but I wanted to share my feelings anyway. less
05/26/2012
I actually just learned all about the biological and evolutionary reasons behind this in my human sexuality biology class last weekend. The number I heard was four years, not three. The short version goes like this - We evolved to pair bond just long enough to have men around to protect us and provide for us while we're carrying around and caring for a baby/toddler, like many creatures. Then, on to the next pairing and the next genetic mix.
Do I think there's any truth in this? Yes, somewhat. I think our basic evolutionary functions motivate us in deep and unnoticeable ways, but I don't think we necessarily need to succumb to them.
Do I think there's any truth in this? Yes, somewhat. I think our basic evolutionary functions motivate us in deep and unnoticeable ways, but I don't think we necessarily need to succumb to them.
05/26/2012
"Other" as I think it highly depends on the couple in question. Some have better dynamics than others, and that's just that. No statistic can really say when someone breaks it off.
05/26/2012
Quote:
I agree 110%!! We have been married 28 years and we both came with our own baggage. We both had been married before and both previous spouses had cheated on us. Mine was also abusive so I had that added in. My hubby had a child with his ex and he had gotten full custody of her. She was 4 at the time. I knew when I agreed to marry him that I was getting a package deal. However, I never dreamed of what all the package included.
Originally posted by
Hot 'N Sexy TexasMama
I very much agree with you on this. We've been married 31 years and found the best cure for an itch or whatever is the word "commitment". We're committed to each other no matter what.
We have had our rough stops over the years both mentally, emotionally, and physically. I never had the "itch" to go to someone else and I don't think hubby has ever thought about leaving either. He has had triple by pass surgery along with many sinus and injury surgeries. There was times I didn't know if he was going to be around and then we didn't know how we were going to survive afterwards.
There were times that I wanted to throw up my hands and quit, like when birth mom started junk, or when daughter says "you're not my REAL mom and I don't have to listen to you! (teenage years) I'm really glad I stayed right her with him and we went through these times together. We are that much closer today because of what we have gone through together.
But like others have said, it takes commitment. And commitment is not always easy but if you want things to work out, you both have to be willing to give sometimes.
I can honestly say that 99.9% of our arguments were about "our" daughter and her situation. But you know what, it was worth every minute of the heartache because "my" daughter and I are so close now. We talk almost daily and she tells us that the older she gets, the smarter we are getting.
I think divorce is too easy now. And I agree that a lot of people don't have a stable (married or committed)background to guide them in their lives. I can't imagine being young (or old) and starting over on the dating scene. I can't imagine my life without my best friend and soul mate!
05/26/2012
It's not easy being with someone long term. It takes work. Sometimes, as much as actual employment. With love, respect, and honest communication you can work through anything.
3 or 7 year itch, whatever.
3 or 7 year itch, whatever.
05/26/2012
Quote:
I think things start to fizzle sooner because people have less tolerance and get overly comfortable. There is a three year itch in my marriage but every three - five years my husband and i twitch roles. For the first 6 i worked and he stayed home. Now, I'm home and he works. Keeps us on our toes and we view that as important
Originally posted by
Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships
...
more
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships no longer last past 3 years (marriage, mostly).
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
05/26/2012
I think that people are have a hormonal drive to look around at other options. I think that our culture doesn't encourage us to always stick things through. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years and I felt like straying or leaving when things were tough but I stuck through it. I can't live without him now.
05/27/2012
Quote:
i dont think there is a standard.. relationships aren't like what they used to be an most dont last long anymore but i think there are some couples who put that theory to shame...
Originally posted by
Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships
...
more
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships no longer last past 3 years (marriage, mostly).
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
05/27/2012
My husband and I have been together for almost two years, and I'm not even starting to feel the "itch" at all.
I think it depends on the couple, and their relationship. I think a lot of the problem that lowered the bar to 3 years and not 7 years is the amount of teens getting pregnant and married because of it. There were a lot of girls in my area who got pregnant and engaged, then two weeks later, they'd suddenly break up because they didn't like each other. They just wanted to get married for the baby.
I think it depends on the couple, and their relationship. I think a lot of the problem that lowered the bar to 3 years and not 7 years is the amount of teens getting pregnant and married because of it. There were a lot of girls in my area who got pregnant and engaged, then two weeks later, they'd suddenly break up because they didn't like each other. They just wanted to get married for the baby.
07/20/2012
I don't think there's such a think, I think people are just stupid to get married without "kicking the tires" of relationship life first.
07/20/2012
Quote:
I put other because I am not sure. I hope not, I've been married 1 1/2 yrs and I would be devestated if that happens to us.
Originally posted by
Peggi
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships
...
more
After "studies", they are saying that it is no longer the 7 year itch, it is the 3 year itch! This means, after about 3 years, things start to fizzle out, problems start to arise already, etc. Basically, they say that many relationships no longer last past 3 years (marriage, mostly).
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
I placed this in Social, because MY question isn't directed at those who are just married. Those in relationships or even single can participate! If you'd like to volunteer feedback, you know what to do
The question is, do you feel that this "3 year itch" theory is accurate? less
07/20/2012
time is not the thing that drive the inch it a lack of something that will cause it.
07/20/2012
i somewhat agree with this me and my husband were together for almost 3 yrs when we moved in together and yea we started fighting more and what not but we worked it out. neither of us had lived with a significant other before so i think that played into the fighting as well.
07/23/2012
no i do not
07/25/2012
We just passed our 3 year mark, and I'm more attached to him now than ever!
07/25/2012
Quote:
Yes, yes, yes, this!
Originally posted by
Ash1141
I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. Either you can handle being with the same person for a long long time or you can't. Some people are unable to be happy in a long term relationship, period. I think these people like to blame
...
more
I think it depends on the couple in the relationship. Either you can handle being with the same person for a long long time or you can't. Some people are unable to be happy in a long term relationship, period. I think these people like to blame that on this 3 year itch because that sounds better than "I just need to change it up". I think if you find the right person, there is NO 3 year or 7 year itch.
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Now if people who aren't stable and don't like committement could stop telling me that my couple MUST end somehow because it's been so long we're together..
07/25/2012