The New Intimacy

What's the worst date line you've ever heard? *contest*

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Contributor: Allie Brosh Allie Brosh
Quote:
Originally posted by removedacnt
Actually I think that's kind of cute.
I thought it was cute too. Just kind of inexplicable.
12/14/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by Allie Brosh
It wasn't so much what he said, but what he did. A guy wanted to ask me to a school dance so he bought me a bundt cake and had his mom drive him 15 miles to my house to give it to me. A bundt cake.

Sadly, I wasn't home when he ... more
If it's a bundt cake, he just wanted sex. If it was a cake w/o a hole in the middle, it would've been more romantic.
12/14/2009
Contributor: Sir Sir
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
If it's a bundt cake, he just wanted sex. If it was a cake w/o a hole in the middle, it would've been more romantic.
HAHAHA!!! That's what I was thinking, too!
12/14/2009
Contributor: Envy Envy
The cake is a lie!

Actually I think it's cute, too. My bf loves to buy me sweets. And his mom loves to make home-made fudge for me, nummy!

...I love food too much. =X;
12/14/2009
Contributor: Envy Envy
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
If it's a bundt cake, he just wanted sex. If it was a cake w/o a hole in the middle, it would've been more romantic.
Oh, now I get it.... *DERP*
12/14/2009
Contributor: TheEvilHoney TheEvilHoney
Quote:
Originally posted by The Bloggess
What's the worst line you've ever heard (or accidentally said) on a date?

Leave the mortification here. Winner gets a prize.
A guy came up to me in bar once and said "You are beautiful, your lips are like red hot coals. There are many attractive women here, but why look at the stars when you have the moon." If I wasn't torn between laughing and puking I might have told him it was a nice recital.
12/14/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Juliettia
I got asked if I would like tickets to the gun show. He proceeded to do the whole macho arm thing and then said, "I won't charge you for the bang if you do." and did the whole karate chop V action on his crotch.
My husband still jokingly asks me if I wanna see the gun show.. I know.. I know..
12/14/2009
Contributor: Adriana Ravenlust Adriana Ravenlust
Quote:
Originally posted by Sarah8104
I have a Tempurpedic and a bottle of Patron...wanna go back to my place?
Dude. I'd go. LOL
12/14/2009
Contributor: macho99 macho99
after watching harry potter and the order of the phoenix (yes, we were young LOL) with all the harry and cho flirting going on, we went around the mall. checked out some books (she was a kindergarten teacher *rawr*), window shopped a bit. i know we both enjoyed the movie, had flirty touching in the theater, in short we were having a good time. wanted to grab a bite to eat to spend more time with her. but...

I looked at my watch and said "I have to take you home. i have a hockey game at 7."

bummer. she's now with another guy and i'm still crushing on her. =P
12/14/2009
Contributor: JEM JEM
Well, this is a pretty pathetic one I am gonna pull outta the ole memory. I was probably about 19-20 hanging out at one of my friends fraternity house (yea, I know...) When this guy who belonged to the fraternity comes over to where I was sitting, unzips his pants, and pulls out his cock and says "You like it? You like my big dick? Wanna go for a ride you won't forget?". After taking a glance at the "big dick" I simply giggled, got up, and left the room. I felt he didn't even deserve a response.
12/14/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by JEM
Well, this is a pretty pathetic one I am gonna pull outta the ole memory. I was probably about 19-20 hanging out at one of my friends fraternity house (yea, I know...) When this guy who belonged to the fraternity comes over to where I was sitting, ... more
"Wow, they do really good work with packing harnesses now. That looks almost real"
12/14/2009
Contributor: JEM JEM
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
"Wow, they do really good work with packing harnesses now. That looks almost real"
Hmmm, if I didn't know better I would think you are implying that my NON-fiction story is a fiction!
12/14/2009
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
Quote:
Originally posted by JEM
Hmmm, if I didn't know better I would think you are implying that my NON-fiction story is a fiction!
nah, I was coming up with a follow up line for you.
12/14/2009
Contributor: JEM JEM
Quote:
Originally posted by El-Jaro
nah, I was coming up with a follow up line for you.
Hahaha good one!! Too bad I am not that quick on my feet with comebacks like that!
12/14/2009
Contributor: aluraceleste aluraceleste
First date when I was about 17... in his car, me waiting for him to take me home, after the worst conversation, and date, and idiocy ever...
Him- So, I hear every girl will unlock and open up for the right guy. (Creepy lip lick)
Me- What the fuck are you talking about?
Him- Baby, do I got your key? (as he reaches over and creepily and clumsily tries to rub my leg)
Me- I still have no idea what the fuck you mean, and no. God no. Holy shit no.
Him- So that's a no? Did you just want to go home then? (Genuine confused look)
Me- Yes. Now.

Apparently a few days later he told one of his friends that we were going to get married, "just as soon as I came around"
12/14/2009
Contributor: Lii Pii Lii Pii
OMG, I was in an IHOP one time and we were talking about Eddie Murphy's Raw and I mentioned that i hadn't ever seen it. A guy at the next table got up, came over to our table and said, "I have a tape of Raw in my bedroom. You can come over and watch it with me tonight." I was really, really horrified.
12/15/2009
Contributor: The Bloggess The Bloggess
Quote:
Originally posted by Bekka
Oh geez... Ok, so I have a very inefficient brain/mouth filter. I went on a date with this guy (who I had known for a while, for what it's worth) and we ended up going to a restaurant that my friend works at. She seated us near a couple with a ... more
Winner! Not only because it's hysterically inappropriate for a first date but also because you totally owned that shit. Good job, Bekka. Conact Victoria (victoria (at) edenfantasys.com) for your gift certificate. You totally deserve it.

PS. I *loved* the other entries. You guys kick ass.
12/17/2009
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
While watching a trailer for Lady and the Tramp remastered he looks over and says loudly "Let's have sex...so we can have puppies"! The stunned laughter in the theater was so freakin funny....
01/15/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Sammi
Not really on a date, but at the bar this guy I was talking to bent down to pick up something I'd dropped, and he stopped when he got to crotch level, then stood up and said, "Gee, your hair smells terrific!" Ugh. Like a shampoo ... more
God, that one is terrible!
02/23/2010
Contributor: Kynky Kytty Kynky Kytty
Quote:
Originally posted by Airen Wolf
While watching a trailer for Lady and the Tramp remastered he looks over and says loudly "Let's have sex...so we can have puppies"! The stunned laughter in the theater was so freakin funny....
Puppies indeed. I would have been crying from the laughing, that's for sure!
02/23/2010
Contributor: The Giveaway Diva The Giveaway Diva
so crazy to hear all these stories! glad nothing that bad has happeened to me!
07/19/2010
Contributor: BBW Talks Toys BBW Talks Toys
I haven't dated in almost 10 years, but My Mister will often spritz me with water after he washes he hands and says:

"Let's get you out of these wet clothes"

He always gets a laugh, but I don't think he's ever gotten me out of the clothes while they were "wet"...
11/10/2010
Contributor: Emma (Girl With Fire) Emma (Girl With Fire)
Today on my Facebook page : hay fittness youmay not rember me but speand a night then you would never forget me

My Response : Dude, if you are trying to pick up women you are more likely to succeed making attempts within your own state, or country for that matter. Considering that you cannot spell even a 3 letter word correctly, I am going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you don't know what or where Canada is. Either way, there is no fucking chance of you getting into my pants.
12/15/2010
Contributor: Shellz31 Shellz31
Damn, what is wrong with some guys - honestly!
12/19/2010
Contributor: kawigrl kawigrl
went over to house friends to have drinks with friends we're hanging out in the kitchen. We're all completely sober (1st drink)- in front of 3 other people he turns to me and says "i've been with lots of girls in my home country I know where the G spot is do you want me to show you" I almost spit my drink out and then realized he was serious
01/20/2011
Contributor: Jenyana Jenyana
Yeah, well, not a pick-up line, but a morning-after of a rather mediocre one-night stand (he didn't seem to grasp the concept of actually caring the other person has a good time, too). The guy had been hungry and strangely reluctant to leave, so I fed him some rice-based stuff I had in my freezer, and he felt the need to say "You're not bad in bed, but you're a far better cook. You should cook for me all the time."

Yeah, I showed that guy the door.
06/27/2012
Contributor: nosrslylol nosrslylol
I think I've had too many to count, honestly... I'm looking through my mind thinking of all of them XD
11/21/2012
Contributor: Asstronaut Asstronaut
Do catcalls count? I've heard many hilarious ones, but my favorite is:

"Yo girl! Yo ass so fine, it make me wanna cry!"

Yeah...
11/21/2012