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When to Switch Bathrooms - FTM

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Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
So I am a little confused on everything about when to switch bathrooms. When I know it's a single-person room (ie no stalls and you lock the door behind you) I always use the men's room, but I am a little nervous about going into typical men's rooms such as at restraunts, the mall, etc because I don't want anyone starting trouble with me.

Pertinent Info: I am pre-testosterone, but I do pack and can use my STP Peecock with confidence. I have no facial hair but I've got a buzzcut/fade and I wear men's clothing and a binder. I get the correct pronoun about 50% of the time but my voice is kinda high pitched like a child's, yet I am clearly not a kid cuz I have tattoos and piercings so I think that combined with high voice and no facial hair confuses people.

So I just want to know, what would be the correct or 'acceptable' time to use the men's bathroom?

If you select 'other' please tell me what you mean by posting!
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Only after legal sex correction surgery or change on legal documents
Only once you've got strangers addressing you as 'he' 100% of the time
11
Once you have a reasonable amount of facial hair or a deep voice
3
Any time you dress as male, identify as male, and use your STP
61
Other
49
Total votes: 124 (106 voters)
Poll is closed
03/14/2012
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Contributor: jesseftm jesseftm
There is no specific time to start using the correct bathroom. For me, it REALLY REALLY REALLY depends on the place I'm at. Especially when it comes to bars. I live in the bay area, so most of the time when I'm out at bars it's 100% safe for me to use the mens room whether or not I pass 100%. However, when I go home (small town) I almost NEVER use the mens room because I'm terrified of what could happen if I did. Once I feel like I start passing more (I'm only a month and a half on T and not many changes yet) I'll use the mens room all the time. But yea, I think you should focus more on your comfortability in a place rather than how you look/sound/how long you should wait to start using the correct bathroom.
03/14/2012
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
do what makes you comfortable. i imagine it would be difficult to balance what makes you comfortable personally with the concerns for safety.
03/14/2012
Contributor: MasonJ MasonJ
It's stressful at first, but after a while you realize that no one is looking (especially in mens rooms). On another note, how do you like the Peecock?
03/14/2012
Contributor: Ryuson Ryuson
(Review Program Mentor)
If you can use a urinal and feel safe urinating next to other men, do what you like!
03/14/2012
Contributor: Owl Identified Owl Identified
All I can say (because I'm not trans) is that most of my trans guy friends are all post-transition (take testosterone, have had top surgery, etc) and get correct pronouns nearly 100% of the time. And? There are still times that they feel unsafe using the men's bathroom and either opt for the women's room or just don't go at all. I can't advise you on what to do, but I thought I'd offer that to help you create a frame of reference.
03/14/2012
Contributor: tinkertoo tinkertoo
really, just whenever you feel comfortable. i started slowly, before i was on t. i used to just assess comfort level each time, if i felt like i'd be comfortable with it then i'd go in or if i wasn't i'd wait. once i started hormones though, i always go into the men's, even though i still get a little uncomfortable sometimes
03/14/2012
Contributor: Nontoxic Nontoxic
Since I'm not on T yet, I'll go in if it's a single room, but not multiple stalls.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
I think you should really do what you feel comfortable with, but if you are identifying and presenting as male you might as well be using the male restroom.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Lock Lock
Once you get the note from a doctor or therapist that you can carry with you to provide a safety net.
03/14/2012
Contributor: Teacookie Teacookie
What ever makes you feel comfortable. Most countries don't have him and her bathrooms and don't care. If some one complains which I doubt they ever would you can just say "I'm sorry if you feel uncomfortble" Then head for stall so they leave you alone. As a person that has done janitorial work, I have yet to have a guy give a damn about me being in their restroom. Some even get a thrill from it, so what ever.
03/14/2012
Contributor: TheParrishism TheParrishism
I think it depends on when you feel comfortable. I started using the men's room before I even started passing, but if I felt at all uncomfortable I wouldn't use the bathroom at all.
03/14/2012
Contributor: aliceinthehole aliceinthehole
can i just say, i have no experience with this personally but am really glad to see so many posts on transgender issues today! YAY for more diversity!

good luck in your journeys. and props to you for doing what you feel is right. it's so liberating and inspiring to see people doing what they feel is right. it's brave of you. i dig it.
03/15/2012
Contributor: spineyogurt spineyogurt
They removed genders form all the bathrooms at my school. Hopefully more places will do that.
03/15/2012
Contributor: butts butts
I switched before I even fully came out haha! I've never passed well, but I've always worn men's clothes and I'm uh... pretty outgoing and ballsy, I don't have a problem telling someone I'm a guy even if they don't believe me. Plus you can't get in trouble or arrested for using the bathroom of your choice unless you're suspected of sexual harassment (peeping, bad intentions, etc.) which USUALLY isn't a problem with transMEN, mostly transwomen sadly.

Personally I avoid multi-stall restrooms in general just because it's gross no matter what gender they're intended for, but at work if I HAVE to use one I just stare at my phone or the ground and walk straight to a stall. In a public place I care less, but at work I don't want to stir up anything since I see those people several days a week haha. I don't even use an STP often, I just pee quietly in a stall.

It really depends on when you're comfortable, there's nothing legal anyone can do so no worries about that. Plus men are MUCH more private about their bathroom time then women generally, most men don't make eye contact or socialize in restrooms like some women do.
03/15/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
I think it's fine as soon as someone feels comfortable with it and doesn't feel comfortable in the women's bathroom. I'm at an awkward stage where I feel uncomfortable in the women's bathroom but don't pass at all, ever. So I basically have to just hold it in public. *facepalm*
03/15/2012
Contributor: lukas24 lukas24
I'd say go for it whenever you seem male (identify as male, dress as male, yada yada), although I tend to not go for the male bathroom if I'm not getting the right pronouns at all that day or if acquaintances are there (or family...family can be awkward)
03/15/2012
Contributor: Sir Sir
Go when you're ready.
03/15/2012
Contributor: Chirple Chirple
When you're comfortable and it doesn't feel unsafe.

Once, very early on I went in the men's room by accident - I never did that at that point, I didn't even own a binder. The Panera bread had switched their bathrooms for some reason. When I was done, there was some guy at a sink shaving. He didn't even notice or say anything. I'm glad that here, culturally, guys aren't "bathroom socialisers" like many women are.

The point is - if you're in a place you feel safe, there probably won't be a problem. At least around here, no one wants to make eye contact or talk while in a bathroom.

I wouldn't want to use a bar or club bathroom where people are behaving abnormally under the influence - but I guess it would depend on how well I passed (I'm at a point in my life where I don't always try). If I was going to cause a fuss in the women's room, I wouldn't go in there.

I don't think any of the conditions you listed are really necessary to use whatever bathroom. There are cismen who don't stand to pee (for medical reasons or preference), ones with no facial hair and higher voices, and lots of cispeople don't "pass" 100% of the time (certainly not trying to say that "cispeople have it just as bad!", but just trying to boost your confidence by pointing out that there are plenty of ways to be male cis- or whatever).

So just do whatever as long as it's safe.
03/15/2012
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Quote:
Originally posted by MasonJ
It's stressful at first, but after a while you realize that no one is looking (especially in mens rooms). On another note, how do you like the Peecock?
The Peecock is great! I love that it is so realistic and that the base of it is a soft silicone funnel rather than a hard plastic bit. It can hold a lot of fluid- I have never had any 'spillover' - the only learning curve was being sure to hold it in place and not have an opening in the back
03/15/2012
Contributor: eroticmutt eroticmutt
Thank you for the replies everyone. I am going to start using the men's room 100% of the time. Those were all very good points- even if someone did challenge me on my gender I could just be like 'wtf are you trying to get me to SHOW you? pervert' and be on my way.

Also, I hadn't considered the fact that many cisgender people don't always pass all the time- I have indeed sometimes been unable to tell a cisgender person's gender when first meeting them, so yeah I guess there are people going through that every day- who don't look particularly masculine OR feminine.

Anyways, I think this will help a lot and I will be feeling better about it, I am just an anxious person to begin with but thinking back on it I have never had an issue on those times when I DID use the men's room.

Thank you everybody
03/15/2012
Contributor: xxjoel xxjoel
Whatever you feel comfortable with! I go to college in a relatively liberal place, so it's actually normal here for females to use the men's bathroom when it's more convenient. If your home is more conservative, I advise being careful but confident. It's all about the I-don't-give-a-fuck face.
03/15/2012
Contributor: Interesante Interesante
Whenever you feel comfortable, I'd say. Always take the situation you're in into mind. Some places, it might be safer to do it than others...
03/16/2012
Contributor: Sam I Am Sam I Am
My friend is having a similar problem. He got his top surgery a few months ago and has trouble no matter which bathroom he uses, he gets weird looks in both. Definitely take the environment into consideration; safety needs to be your top priority.
03/16/2012
Contributor: MasonM MasonM
Quote:
Originally posted by eroticmutt
So I am a little confused on everything about when to switch bathrooms. When I know it's a single-person room (ie no stalls and you lock the door behind you) I always use the men's room, but I am a little nervous about going into typical ... more
If I were passing even half the time, I would definitely use the men's room.
03/26/2012
Contributor: jesseftm jesseftm
Quote:
Originally posted by eroticmutt
The Peecock is great! I love that it is so realistic and that the base of it is a soft silicone funnel rather than a hard plastic bit. It can hold a lot of fluid- I have never had any 'spillover' - the only learning curve was being sure to ... more
I have the peecock too but I haven't gotten very good at using it to pee yet... It's about 50/50, I either do great or I piss all over myself. Obviously it's likely to be different for everyone, but any tips on making sure it's in place? I feel like I do the same thing every time but clearly I don't haha
03/27/2012
Contributor: Caus Caus
I feel like you should only switch when you feel absolutely comfortable to. Safety first!
03/27/2012
Contributor: Silverdrop Silverdrop
Take care for your safety. That's the most important thing. You need to live long enough to enjoy your post-transition life. However important it is to take a stand for your rights, in the end, it's not worth risking your life over a place to piss.

That said, I imagine it's going to be safe most of the time. Just watch out for the people it isn't safe to be around.
03/28/2012
Contributor: catsin catsin
In Washington State there is a law stating that you are able to use whichever bathroom suits your personal gender preference. I'm not sure what the laws are in other states, but I was quite pleased to learn of this
03/28/2012
Contributor: Azule Azule
Whenever you feel comfortable enough I think would be fine. I doubt too many people would question it at this point in any occasion. Most people just focus on their own business and get out anyway.
03/28/2012