I'm not sure I'm trans* anymore. Have you ever felt like this?

Contributor: pootpootpoot pootpootpoot
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
This is not the place to discuss what cisgender means. A transgender issues board is not the place for cis people to feel entitled to repeat frequently-asked questions that they could easily look up for themselves with less than two minutes of ... more
I'm so sorry, I didn't at all mean to disrupt the board. My apologies, it won't happen again!
08/29/2012
Contributor: edenmysexlife edenmysexlife
it depends on where i am as to how i feel about myself, really. when i am in a bad mental place i identify as trans* in a stronger way than when i feel comfortable being who i am (which is just pretty much gender fucked)
08/31/2012
Contributor: Genderfree Genderfree
Me and my girlfriend have both experienced doubts before, and I believe that the doubts are ENTIRELY part of the trans* identity.

My girlfriend started transitioning about two years before I did. Of course, at first she had a lot of doubts, around the time that she started estrogen and didn't feel comfortable because she didn't feel as female as other women. The problem was, she wasn't ready to have hair as long as other women, didn't want to dress as frilly as other woman, and because of this, often got mistaken for a man. I convinced her, finally, that it was part of the process, and that once she showed her female side a little more that people will get used to her identity and call her female, even if she wasn't dressed like one that day. That advice has helped me as well in my transition.

I am about to start testosterone therapy and recently got in a rut in me and my girlfriend's relationship. She doesn't like women, and she has a hard time seeing me as a man. Basically, I am in the same spot that she once was, where all I want to wear is bright rave clothing. I'm a gay man on the inside, thus I have rather feminine behaviors. Recently one of my mtf friends told me that I need to "man it up", and I was scared at first, and I remembered how my girlfriend felt about being more womanized. However, I am beginning to get in the swing of talking with a more masculine voice, wearing more baggy clothes and leather than I usually do. It helps my girlfriend see me as who I am, and it helps me so that others can see me as male, so that when I start transitioning I can truly be myself.

Me and my girlfriend are doing a lot better, too. We have a lot less turmoil in our relationship now that our genders are set in stone. We are very gender fluid, but sometimes, we are still ingrained in society and the way that it has raised us. Sometimes, even when you are trans*, you have to follow along with them, at least at first...
10/03/2012
Contributor: adam71 adam71
interesting
10/08/2012
Contributor: A.S. A.S.
I have a lot of friends who have experienced shifts in identity, and some of them are gender fluid in a way that their identity switches really frequently. It's possible that you aren't "really trans" but if you still identify with it then I don't think anyone can reasonably say that you can't think of yourself the way that makes the most sense to you.
10/08/2012
Contributor: tiniest bird tiniest bird
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
Some self-doubt is to be expected, especially in a society that constantly belittles you and tells you you are wrong. Doubt is nothing to be ashamed of. Questioning yourself does not make you something you're not. And if you think you made a ... more
I agree, there's so much pressure on trans people, telling us that we're wrong, that it makes sense that wed feel self-doubt.
10/09/2012
Contributor: mamaseatspoop mamaseatspoop
Still trans my friends, still trans.
10/11/2012
Contributor: pestilence pestilence
Personally, most of my self-doubt is about whether I am genderqueer/genderflui d or a binary trans person. I'm pretty certain I'm not cis, and usually I'm pretty sure about being genderqueer though I usually present as a binary trans man in real life because that makes things easier.
10/25/2012
Contributor: Gracefire Gracefire
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
This is not the place to discuss what cisgender means. A transgender issues board is not the place for cis people to feel entitled to repeat frequently-asked questions that they could easily look up for themselves with less than two minutes of ... more
THIS

But more to the topic of the thread, gender is a spectrum. Just because it shifts sometimes more towards the cis end doesn't mean it won't shift back.

And, hell, even if it doesn't, there is nothing inherently wrong with being cis.
10/26/2012
Contributor: bodymodboy bodymodboy
Feeling "iffy" or confused is entirely natural. Also, I'd like to remind folks that the asterisk in trans* <- is to encompass an umbrella of things, and complete with a spectrum (or spectrums!) of stuff. So don't feel forced to put an exact box, or "guilty" for using a vague term/identity.
10/26/2012
Contributor: Andrew1992 Andrew1992
I have never felt this way, but its not particularly uncommon, and its probably a fairly healthy thing.
10/28/2012
Contributor: Fishie Princess Fishie Princess
Quote:
Originally posted by snowyslut
Have you, after identifying as trans*, thought that maybe you're actually cis? NO SHAMING ALLOWED.
My gender is fluid, always has been, always will be. Sometimes my gendered feelings match the body parts I have, sometimes they don't. For me, I am always trans* regardless of my "matching" because the very ability/desire to shift between genders is what makes me trans*. Even if my dress matches my vag, I am not cis.
10/29/2012
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
Quote:
Originally posted by smlove
I think sometimes we get too caught up in labels. and being trans is just another label.
One MtF girl I know had to have her implants removed after she found out she was allergic to silicone. and now she's recently stopped taking her estrogen ... more
"dick girl" ha, that's awesome! i can totally relate. glad to hear i'm not alone. i am cis-female, and am happy sporting lingerie, makeup, and occasionally wear a packer. i don't feel able to quite explain it,but im not gonna stress about it. as far as feminine vs masculine, imo that is a separate issue from gender. i have days i feel and present as feminine, and other days that i don't at all.

again- feminine vs masculine is separate from male vs female. i think many people have harder time grasping that distinction than they do separating sexual orientation from gender identity
10/29/2012
Contributor: VanillaFreeSex VanillaFreeSex
Quote:
Originally posted by Happenstance
This is not the place to discuss what cisgender means. A transgender issues board is not the place for cis people to feel entitled to repeat frequently-asked questions that they could easily look up for themselves with less than two minutes of ... more
ouch! this upsets me. perhaps the persons question could of been a separate thread, but i don't see why a "transgendered issues board" isn't the place for someone to try to get a better understanding of gender issues and terminology.
10/29/2012
Contributor: Kristopher Sean Kristopher Sean
Quote:
Originally posted by VanillaFreeSex
ouch! this upsets me. perhaps the persons question could of been a separate thread, but i don't see why a "transgendered issues board" isn't the place for someone to try to get a better understanding of gender issues and terminology.
I agree Storm. As part of the "Trans community" we should be trying 2 help educate people not put them down because they ask a question on a "transgender issues board" you dont like.There's enough ignorance in this world when it comes to "transgender",so instead of being part of the problem lets try being part of the solution.
10/29/2012
Contributor: Kristopher Sean Kristopher Sean
Quote:
Originally posted by pootpootpoot
I'm so sorry, I didn't at all mean to disrupt the board. My apologies, it won't happen again!
imo u have nothing 2 apologize 4
10/29/2012
Contributor: mamaseatspoop mamaseatspoop
no doubts, im trans.
12/04/2012
Contributor: Mimosa pudica Mimosa pudica
I've definitely felt like I'm not trans* anymore, both because of my own genderfeelings shifting and due to not feeling "trans enough".

This blog post by Natalie Reed link talks about how complicated it really is to be trans. There are all sorts of pressures coming from other trans people, from our work, our families, our friends.
I know a lot of what makes me feel doubts is how time consuming and draining it is worrying about passing, about feeling like I don't have enough energy to correct people on pronouns but then feeling degraded by the wrong words.

It's difficult to be trans*, and it's hard to figure out a balance between what you need and how fast or slow you can make it happen. Beyond that, gender fluidity is a thing that happens and feeling like your gender expression fits or doesn't fit your gender, especially when you're trans* can be immensely stressful and discouraging.
12/04/2012
Contributor: hanjonatan hanjonatan
kind of - i had some complicated denial issues even after i came out. but i never fully believed i wasn't trans, and i certainly still am trans.
12/04/2012
Contributor: hanjonatan hanjonatan
kind of - i had some complicated denial issues even after i came out. but i never fully believed i wasn't trans, and i certainly still am trans.
12/04/2012
Contributor: bog bog
I definitely feel my gender identity shift all the time. It might make you feel less uncomfortable if you think of cis and trans as general chunks of a three-dimensional thing. You're not a label; you're a human You and that's all that matters. If one label or 7 fit well on one particular day, well, that is just wonderful! If not, don't try to force it!
12/04/2012
Contributor: needapacker needapacker
Quote:
Originally posted by snowyslut
Have you, after identifying as trans*, thought that maybe you're actually cis? NO SHAMING ALLOWED.
I'd suggest going to gender therapy to work things out.
12/04/2012
Contributor: I Am Sherlocked I Am Sherlocked
I grew up thinking I was cis until about my last year of high school, though I never really felt as if it was correct- I'd just never even heard of transgendered people, or gender identity, or any of that. However, once I began to research into it, I began to feel more comfortable identifying as trans- it just seemed to fit better. However, I've been discovering recently, within the past year mostly, that trans doesn't really fit me either, though it fits a bit better then cis. I'm beginning to feel as if I'm neither, and I'm content with that.

I think self-doubt is a normal part of the journey, and is necessary to learn and understand.
12/07/2012
Contributor: Happenstance Happenstance
Quote:
Originally posted by Kristopher Sean
I agree Storm. As part of the "Trans community" we should be trying 2 help educate people not put them down because they ask a question on a "transgender issues board" you dont like.There's enough ignorance in this world when ... more
See, that's where you're wrong. trans* people are not "part of the problem," no matter how rude we may rightfully be to cis people. Trans* people do not erase or oppress ourselves. That is bullshit. And I'm tired of hearing the same whining from cis people, "You should educate us! (because we're too lazy to look up such basic, 101 questions)," "Why are you being so mean and loud (when we've repeatedly offended you without apology)" "You're not helping your cause (because you're not sucking up to us. We have to approve of you and deem you good little queers before we give you the same fucking rights as anyone else and decide you don't deserve to be murdered)," "I don't have to treat you like a human being, because you are calling me out on my privilege and I don't like that!" "Why won't you allow us into your spaces? (But I'm not going to take the time to do my homework and face my own bigotry in order to make myself safe for you. I'm going to talk louder than anyone, repeatedly miss the fucking point, and cry cry cry because it's all about ME, as a cis person! Who cares about your oppression! What matters is MY BABY FEELINGS." It's always the same. Fucking. Bullshit. I'm sick to death of it.
12/10/2012