You just don't understand what it's like being normal and getting bitched at by trans people all the time.

Your comment was about as narrow and closed minded as that one was. In my opinion, it's people like you that the OP was referring to. In your mind, it's not that the term CIS was instated just because we needed a label (that much I would understand)...But to you, it's just a way to separate yourself from any other community that could even pretend to understand you. You need that sense of self entitlement that comes from being different than the norm. You WANT to draw the attention to the differences between cis and trans* because that's the only way you'd feel special. It's in this way that CIS becomes that very negative word.

Also, You're trans so your opinion of the cis community, thusly, doesn't count. less

The first time I encountered the word "cisgender" (frequently abbreviated "cis") was like a slap in the face to me and every time I heard it used after that it continued to rub me the wrong way. While I don't exactly feel that the term "cisgender" is necessary to begin with, the thing that bothers me most is the way that it is typically used. I hear people refer to me a "cis" in the same tone a wizard might refer to a muggle. "Oh, well, you're cis--you wouldn't understand."

This offends me and breaks my heart. I've had many transgender friends and people who mean a lot to me have struggled with their identity on more than one occasion. While I'm not transgender myself, for many of us "cisgenders" gender is still a fluid identity and many people, myself included, do not identify as 100% male or female but don't consider themselves transgender, either. Like sexuality, gender isn't black and white (and likewise, you aren't simply "transgender" or "not transgender.")

Please comment to share your experiences or feelings on the topic! less

I'm going to do a generalized sort of response -- I wish more people who disliked the label would have commented because I suspected that people who DO support it would be more likely to get up in arms over its usage. And that's fair: obviously many transgender individuals have reason to feel very strongly about the term cisgender, the terms that describe them, and any of the relating terms.

I have a couple different things to address that I saw in multiple posts, so I'll go ahead and not address anything individually, but as a whole...

First off, just because you don't use it negatively doesn't mean that no one else does--or that it's "okay" that a few people use the term negatively since most people don't. I'm going to be blunt, knowing that perhaps my situation is rare, but still valid: the only people I know who use the term "cisgender" are people in my campus's Gay-Straight alliance. They largely consist of GLBTQ individuals and saying that it's "gay-straight" alliance isn't entirely the truth. Largely, it is a gay/gay/more gay clique. Although I identify as pansexual, I do not actively participate in the group for this reason. I feel that many of the individuals in this group represent, fairly, a large number of young GLBTQ people. These people, gay, straight, "cis" and trans gender, all use the term "cisgender" in an extremely rude, and derogatory way. The ONLY time they find reason to use the word "cisgender" is when telling us "non-trans" folks that we "don't get it" and "will never get it." Also basically that we are heartless, unfeeling aliens--And frankly, I've gotten this same impression from a few people who posted in this thread.

Second, if you want to argue that non transgender people will never understand transgender people because no one HUMAN can have the exact same life experience as another HUMAN, then I will accept the arguement that "I will never understand." You're right: I can't live your life and I will never fully understand what has happened or is happening to you. But in that regard, no one will ever understand you--not even another transgender person. Beyond this, by saying: "YOU WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND ME!" you are ENCOURAGING "non-transgender" people NOT to understand you. When I hear a transgender person yell at me that I "have it so easy" and that I'll "never understand" it makes me want to brush that person off and disregard them completely. If you refuse to connect to me, then I will refuse to connect to you, empathize with you, or even offer you my pity for your situation--believe it or not, the rest of the world has problems too.

Also, I take it personally when it's directed personally at me. I'm offended by the term when it's used offensively. To say that it's "just a term" is basically saying; "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me!" Are we children in that we still need to make this argument to justify cruelty in adults? We shouldn't have to defend ourselves and rationalize other people referring to us in derogatory manners: people should recognize and respect each other.

Finally... I disagree with people who think that labels are "normal" or "necessary." There is a constant struggle in every minority community--black, gay, trans*, and everything in between, simply to be treated normally and equal. By insisting on labeling everything, we simply widen the gap between ourselves. So no, I do not think that it is okay to label people who are sexually attracted to the opposite gender or people who identify as the gender they were born as or people who are brown or people who think that they're actually a cat in a human's body or people who were born the wrong gender or people who just love everyone. It's not fair and it drives me crazy how obsessed with labels people are--and this is no exception. I suppose from now on, I ought to just start being the person that identifies as "human." People will be annoyed by it, but maybe eventually someone will catch on. less

"Cisgender" is a descriptive term, and a fairly intuitive counterpart to "transgender." Having a word to describe cis people is important because the most commonly-used counterpart to "transgender" I've seen is "normal" - and since there are plenty of cisgender people who are anything but normal, using such a general term is worthless.

Honestly, seeing people offended merely at the existence of the word "cisgender" reminds me of people who get weirded out when physical descriptions of people mention them being white, as if race is something that should only be mentioned if they're something out of the "norm." less

By your logic, OP, then labels in general should not exist. Sure the whole "we're all humans!" line seems nice, but honestly it makes life more convenient to have labels to describe groups of people with a common trait. Additionally, most people enjoy touting labels. They ARE necessary, and the fact you are terrified by the prospect of non-trans people having a scholarly label to describe them is -- sorry -- extremely reflective of cisgender privilege. From what I'm hearing, you just sound upset because you're so used to being considered normal that you're frightened by having a label attached to you. Should society call you "normal"? No, you ARE cisgender. In the same way you are your skin color, or your eye color, or your sexuality.... you are cisgender. It's a word that helps transfolk better describe their community and society.

I'll agree with you that you can SYMPATHIZE with trans people, but no, you will never truly understand what it's like. Again, sorry, this statement that it's unfair that you're told you can't is reflective of privilege. In the same way I shall never understand what it's like to be cisgender, or be Hispanic, or anything outside the realm of my personal experiences.

Being "offended" by the term cisgender is silly, to be completely honest. It's such a sterile and clinical term: Should I get offended when someone says "homosexuals" ; ; in a negative way (it happens a lot!) and bitch about how unfair it is that the word homosexual even exists? No, because I understand there will always be dissidents and combative people rallying against ANYTHING.
To note: trans people do not want your pity. I cannot speak for all trans people of course, but I'm willing to bet most simply want some empathy and support. But, again, no you will never understand exactly what it's like. And as a cisgender person compared to a trans person, you -do- "have it so easy."

To address your final high-horse-tastic point, you... do know people who use labels to conveniently describe groups of like individuals understand we are all human, right? But here's the great thing about human beings: the incredible amount of diversity inherent in such a large population. More often than not, labels are used for groups of people to celebrate their differences and try to foster understanding to the non-'X' world. The GLBT movement NEEDS those labels to effectively get across who they are as a community and what they stand for.

If you feel like battle lines are being drawn, that's because you're in the middle of a major civil rights movement. It's inevitable. If you're unable to see people as being "simply human" if they so choose to use labels to describe themselves, then that sounds like a problem on your end. To sum up, your whole crusade against the pretty toothless categorizations of different groups of people is frankly ridiculous and counter to basic human nature and how societies/alliances/co mmunities are formed. If a minority is oppressed, then they -will- identify the reason for their oppression and give it a name, if it's not already been prescribed to them. less

You've seemingly failed to read my original post in this thread. I acknowledged that the word is used negatively, in the same way the word "homosexual" is almost always used derogatorily (gay people say "gay") Also, don't say "again" when you haven't brought up a point directed at me before.

You're wrong, by the way. If people used the word "transgender" in only a negative way, I would still have no problem with it. Why? Because the word transgender quickly and easily (to a pretty good degree of accuracy) defines a group of people in our society. Cisgender, as a word, is just as toothless as heterosexual or bisexual are. Grow some thicker skin.
I'm assuming you're a femme bisexual cis-female. Out of the entire GLBT family, you have some of the most mild societal repercussions. I'm not saying you get off scot-free, but it's certainly a better position than a transwoman who is attracted to men, or a transman taking T to physically transition.

The origin of the word "cisgender" matters not. Since you seem to be having some trouble with this concept, let's break it down:
(cis) Prefix, Latin: meaning "on the same side of"
(gender) Noun: the behavioral, cultural, or psychological traits typically associated with one sex

As demonstrated, it's a sterile and objective word, and -some- negative uses of it comes guaranteed with any group of people in society. Your confirmation bias and anecdotal experience honestly mean nothing when talking about the word's place around the world.

"However, it isn't fair for another community to begin labeling ME just because they feel the need to--nor do I have to accept that label as correct or perfect."
Yes it is, actually. The word on its own is demonstrably not "dirty" or hateful and thus is not justifiably objectionable; deal with it. You can reject the label, but if the shoe fits...

"Again, my argument isn't just that 'cis' is largely used in a derogatory way, but also that "cis" blocks out entire groups of people because in short, using the terms "cisgender" and "transgender" insinuate that gender is as simple to understand as: 'You are transgender or you are not transgender.'"
Actually, transgender is an EXTREMELY broad term. Look it up. In short, all "transgender" implies is that a person does not agree with or fit society's prescribed gender roles based on their physical sex. Sure there is a range: unfortunately for your argument, the general consensus seems to be that anything "not cis" is a variation of transgender. From that point forward, it is totally up to the transgender person to whether they wish to elaborate of their gender identity or not.
Transgender != transsexual. less

"Out of the entire GLBT family, you have some of the most mild societal repercussions. I'm not saying you get off scot-free, but it's certainly a better position than a transwoman who is attracted to men, or a transman taking T to physically transition"

Who exactly do you think you are to say this? Do you truly not believe that there are still places where a bi/gay person is treated just as badly as a trans* person? Do you think there's a lot of people out there that say "Oh, he's gay and I'm okay with that...But Transexual people? Oh hell no, that's where I draw the line." We're at a stage in our society now where typically a person is either okay with both things or neither to varying degrees.

It's pretty egotistical to say if one group has it worse than the other. If both groups can still lay claim to suicides due to bullying and beatings in recent times, they both win...Or lose, depending on how you look at it.

As for "The origin of the word doesn't matter", you're mostly right. The true, original origins of a word don't matter. But how society uses such words does. Let's take the history of what we've called African Americans throughout the USA. Originally, it was "Nigger", which isn't innately a derogatory word. It comes from the Latin word, "niger", meaning "black". But we clearly used it in a derogatory way for so long that look at the state of that word now. Negro was the same way. Originally the spanish/portugese word for black.

So you're right, one could make the argument that the origins of a word truly don't matter...But I counter that with the fact that how a word is continiously used matters. If the Trans* community at large continues to use it in a derogatory way, then I say it has a pretty high chance of joining the words that SHOULDN'T be offensive, but are. less

There is a lot more stigma of being transgender than there is for being bisexual. This much should be obvious in our (meaning USA's) society. Of course there are some places where it's worse (trans person in San Francisco vs. bisexual teenager in Tennessee), but I'd assume the bi person being trans in the same location would create more issues for the individual. As to your question, yes, throughout my life I've been surrounded by gay allies -- even gay people themselves -- who were extremely transphobic and cissexist.

You're absolutely right that we all win or lose as one. But pointing out as a general rule that transgendered people have worse social backlash than a cisgender LGB in the same location doesn't really undermine this. It's an observation.

Since the N-word was intentionally perverted for use as a racial slur, while "cisgender" is simply a classification, I don't think that's completely a fair comparison. It'd be more fair to say African Americans and Cisgender. If everyone kept saying "African Americans" as a bad thing I don't think the phrase itself would ever become dirty.

Now, to be fair, if transfolk begin calling cisgendered people "cisheads" or some other silly clearly disdainful name, I could see your point against that new word being used mainly as a slur. How I see it, by comparison, is that "straight" is not a slur, but "breeder" is. I hope you see what I'm saying as far as that goes. less

I could be wrong here, but I think the OPs original issue is that she's being assigned a label to which she doesn't believe she entirely fits, but doesn't identify as transgender either. And she feels that the label is being assigned, not merely to express a defineable trait, but to point out in a negative fashion that they believe her gender and assigned sex conform.

@OP - If this summary is correct:
1) Stop taking labels so personally. Until someone personally and intentionally insults you, it's best to not let them insult you.

2) If you don't identify as transgender and you don't believe you're cisgender, you can point out to those who label you that you believe you are genderfluid, or pangender, or some other term that better encompasses what you believe you are. But in all honesty, labels mean exactly nothing in the scheme of things; they do not give you special powers or change who you are, whether correctly or incorrectly applied, so pick one, or refuse to pick one, or make a new one up.

And to the people who act like it requires a trans person to understand how hard it can be to be a trans person. Bull. All it requires is time with a trans person and some empathy to get how absoltuely messed up it can be. Does that mean I know your exact emotions and thoughts? Of course not, but if we had the same surgery at the same age on the same day at the same hospital by the same doctor you still could not tell me exactly what I felt or thought. Stop acting like it takes a trans person to have a clue how difficult it can be.

I am married to a trans person. I will admit it's easier for me - I can set the problems aside from time to time and not have to think about it, but that doesn't mean I don't deal with the reality of transgender life on a day to day basis. I deal with the stares, the ugly comments, the wide berths just like you do. I've been chewed out and called a whore and satanspawn and a dozen other nasty things over the phone for asking if a company was trans-friendly. I get that it sucks. Am I in your head to know your every thought and feeling? No, but I am in my husbands. He shares everything with me, from happiness to doubts to self-loathing. The moments where he wants to be a woman fully and the ones where he's glad he was born a male and even more where he's torn between the two and unsure how he can want to change his sex and keep it at the same time. And I do everything in my power to make it better and I promise you I would not be half as good as helping him stay sane and happy if I didn't understand what he was feeling. My husband is my other half, and when my other half is conflicted and in pain, so am I. When my other half is so frusterated that she wants to cry, or furious because of the hate, I feel it too. You do not have a monopoly on this knowledge. Plenty of cis people share a trans persons life, with all its ups, down, and hate-spewing bigots. So how dare you say, because I'm happy with the sex I was assigned in utero, that I cannot possibly understand your difficulties? less

Lord knows why I am bothering, but here are a few resources for people who are still refusing to get it.

link
link

And because people are forgetting that Queer People of Color and Trans* People of Color have it a lot worse than white counterparts, here is a few other things:

link
link
link less

You make it sound like a contest.

"Tonight on Who Hates Who The Most, we have in the red corner our white Transsexual male facing off against the blue corner, the hispanic Transsexual male! Who can garner the most hatred? Find out tonight at 8."

Also, those links clearly aren't the least bit biased. less