The New Intimacy

For bisexuals: Have you ever felt unaccepted by both homosexuals and heterosexuals?

Skip to last post
Set alerts
Updates
Forum search
Contributor: pestilence pestilence
I chose "other" because I've never felt personally alienated by the homosexual community, but I've seen this happen to both strangers and loved ones, and it's mostly a mixture of luck and lack of active involvement in the community that I haven't experienced it myself.

I do remember an awful time in early high school when that horribly-researched study was released that supposedly proved that bisexuals didn't exist so I convinced myself I was straight and in denial. That taught me a great lesson in that although the scientific method is awesome, you can't trust every article with the word "science" tacked on - you have to actually research it yourself. Learning years later after uncomfortably picking up the bi label again that the study was debunked was such a beautiful piece of news.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Faeya Faeya
Yep. I've been told "Oh, eww, I don't date bi girls." I've been told I can't be bi since I have a long-term boyfriend (never mind that it's an open/poly relationship and we're actively hoping for me to find a girlfriend for myself eventually again). It's not all that bad since I'm basking in hetero privilege right now, but bi erasure and phobia definitely do exist.
07/17/2012
Contributor: hanjonatan hanjonatan
no, i've really only experienced homophobia from straight people. and while i know it sucks when people are rude to you about your sexuality, it really isn't the "same thing" when it comes from a gay person. what some people call "biphobia" is really just a form of homophobia with some sexism thrown in (men who are bisexual are assumed to really be gay and women who are bisexual are assumed to really be straight because how can they be satisfied without a man?).

i mean, i've been out as bisexual since my mid-teens and i'm rarely assumed to be straight, but right now i'm in a straight relationship and it would be pretty absurd of me to complain about "bisexual erasure". oh no, my life is so hard, i can hold hands with my girlfriend in public without fear of harassment! why aren't the gays more sympathetic to my plight?
07/19/2012
Contributor: Augustxsins Augustxsins
Too many people say that being bisexual means a person is "greedy" or "can't decide". It infuriates me. So does the assumption that, because I'm engaged a man, I must now be heterosexual. I'm sorry that my sexual preferences don't fit into your neat little parameters.
08/09/2012
Contributor: Augustxsins Augustxsins
As frustrating as the whole "it's a phase" or "you're greedy" thing is as a bisexual woman, I feel like it's ten times worse for bisexual men. My fiancé is bisexual and terrified of telling anyone about it because easily 90% of the people he knows swear that any man who is bisexual is really just a closeted homosexual. I hurt for him, knowing that he doesn't feel like he can be honest about himself to almost anyone he knows.
08/09/2012
Contributor: novanilla novanilla
All the time. I feel like people don't think I'm a "real" queer, or are trying to push lesbianism on me and saying they "always knew" I was a lesbian. Well maybe I never told people before because I knew they would be so annoying! It's really frustrating when even within queer communities, you can't just be queer. You have to choose a side.
08/10/2012
Contributor: bdan bdan
My best friend is gay and he tells me all the time that being bi is not a real thing. many gays i know think this way. I can't get him to realize that we are real and out there.
08/16/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
Bi-phobia is a real thing, that comes from both the gay, and hetero community. Heterosexuals blame bisexuals for bringing AIDS to the straight community ignoring the fact that drug users actually caused that. Gays fear us for STD's from straights and a fear we could, switch at anytime and turn on them. Here are some links.
Bi-phobia in lesbian community
link
Bi-phobia on Wikipedia
link
08/25/2012
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Absolutely, I was alienated from LGBTQ activism due to being Bi.
08/25/2012
Contributor: aluminummm aluminummm
Bi/pan/queer erasure is absolutely a thing and it's so disgusting. When I came out as queer, a lot of people thought I was full of shit because I had previously dated guys almost exclusively. Now that I've mostly been dating women, I get called a lesbian all the time--even by other queer people-- AND THAT'S NOT FUCKING ACCURATE.
09/08/2012
Contributor: PinkySt PinkySt
I get this all the time especially from lesbians.

Oh you're married? You must just be pan so he can have a little show!
Oh you're pan, i guess you don't have any standards...
You people are all the same, its just for attention.
I could never trust someone like you.

And even more nasty horrible things.
Its almost heartbreaking knowing that a group of individuals who are supposed to be open and accepting, just aren't.
09/08/2012
Contributor: Kenneth Fort Kenneth Fort
I'm unaccepted by every political ideology, and belief about the universe, too. I'm used to it.
10/02/2012
Contributor: Billie Bones Billie Bones
My sexuality and gender identity have been very fluid all of my life and I've experienced a lot of identity policing. There's also this crazy idea out there that bisexual/pansexual means you're equally attracted to everyone or that they all bi/pan/whatever people coatswitch to gain access to privilege. Silly. I'm just going to call myself queer and do what makes me happy.
10/02/2012
Contributor: freshbananas freshbananas
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ... more
It is the worst when no one believes you : (
10/04/2012
Contributor: Genderfree Genderfree
Ohh, I'm genderblind! I honestly don't see any distinction between gender. And I also get left out because I'm trans! Sometimes its like in the whole LGBTQ thing, they only allow you one letter.

That's just my experience.
10/14/2012
Contributor: NavyDoll87 NavyDoll87
I've had quite a few people tell me I'm just confused. Maybe when I was 14. I'm 25 now. I'm pretty sure I know who I am and what I want.
10/19/2012
Contributor: geekkink geekkink
Quote:
Originally posted by Kenneth Fort
I'm unaccepted by every political ideology, and belief about the universe, too. I'm used to it.
That's not fair, science see's bi-sexuality as more natural than anything else. Anarchists like myself couldn't care less what you stick your dick in. Are there many that think it's evil, most certainly, but not all.
10/19/2012
Contributor: Venus A Venus A
Human sexuality is more complex than some realize. Those who insist on either homosexuality OR heterosexuality, do not understand the different nuances of sexuality a person will experience beyond the dichotomy of "hetero"/"homo" sexuality. Human sexuality is complex.
03/27/2013
Contributor: Luca77 Luca77
The hetero people that know think it's weird and most (but not all) gay people want me to "pick a side." So I totally feel unaccepted most times.
03/29/2013
Contributor: TheirPet TheirPet
I've been told that I'm "Just a gay that hasn't committed yet." So not true.
03/29/2013
Contributor: mdnght mdnght
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ... more
Or they tell you it's "just a phase" and you'll pick one gender some day
03/29/2013
Contributor: bog bog
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ... more
I've never been gay or straight, and I never will be. I understand completely. People often hint or insinuate that there is "confusion" in not relating to any label. Really? I don't feel confused.... I know exactly what I like: clever, fun, hot people of any gender or sexuality.
03/29/2013
Contributor: TJtheMadHatter TJtheMadHatter
Since I'm married to a man, I'm immediately assumed straight. My sexuality is rarely discussed. When I told my dad (who is gay) that I'm Bi, he grilled me for ten minutes straight. He fired off questions and tried to debunk my sexuality. I answered his questions. By the end of it, he was satisfied, but I was left feeling confused and defensive. Am I not Bi "enough"? I hate feeling like that. I know I'm sexually attracted and drawn to women. I know this. I know I'm sexually attracted and drawn to men. I married one. Since I've been with more men than women, I feel like I'm not Bi "enough", to a lot of people.
03/30/2013
Contributor: Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
Quote:
Originally posted by TJtheMadHatter
Since I'm married to a man, I'm immediately assumed straight. My sexuality is rarely discussed. When I told my dad (who is gay) that I'm Bi, he grilled me for ten minutes straight. He fired off questions and tried to debunk my sexuality. ... more
I feel pretty much the same way. I feel like the longer I'm married to my husband, the more I lose this part of my identity even though essentially nothing has changed. Why do some people want to believe if you can commit to one person (of any gender), you can't possibly be bisexual?
03/30/2013
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by Entropy
Being bi, I've at times felt like I didn't "fit in" with either homosexuals or heterosexuals in everyday life. Heterosexuals often see me as being gay, but not wanting to admit it. Homosexuals seem to either agree with heteros, or ... more
I have heard both heterosexuals and homosexuals say that bisexuals are a "double threat" for STDs because they will sleep with anyone. Which is ridiculous but there ya have it.
03/30/2013
Contributor: twelve13 twelve13
Quote:
Originally posted by nori
My identity is invalidated by whomever I date.

If I'm with a man, i'm heterosexual.
If I'm with a woman, i'm a lesbian.
If I'm with someone who is queer, I'm queer/pan/omni/etc

when in reality, none of those words are how I describe myself.
Yes! This ^^
03/31/2013
Contributor: Septimus Septimus
I typically identify as bisexual. But since I'm in a LTR with a person of the opposite gender, most people I meet just assume I'm straight. If someone tells me that they're bi, and I try to say "I'm bi too!" I get this 'yeah right' look.
03/31/2013
Contributor: Alyxx Alyxx
The only reason my mother doesn't know I am bisexual is because she once told me that she doesn't think bisexuals exist, they just can't make up their mind. I know she would accept me if I was a lesbian, hell, it seemed like she was trying pretty hard to get me and a lesbian friend of mine together back in high school. But if I told her I was bisexual I would just get the rant about being confused again.
03/31/2013