Yeah, of course, but WITH HIM there. Or HE can do it for me. Sometimes he comes first, sometimes I do. I still get to Come.

Why is sex "over" for some when the man ejaculates?

My Man and I often have sex where one of us comes first, we keep going until the other is either had their orgasm or orgasms, or doesn't need to.

I don't usually go off and do it by myself. He was part of the process, he can help me come, even if he already has his. It's only fair. less

Yeah, of course, but WITH HIM there. Or HE can do it for me. Sometimes he comes first, sometimes I do. I still get to Come.

Why is sex "over" for some when the man ejaculates?

My Man and I often have sex where one of us comes first, we keep going until the other is either had their orgasm or orgasms, or doesn't need to.

I don't usually go off and do it by myself. He was part of the process, he can help me come, even if he already has his. It's only fair. less

Yeah, of course, but WITH HIM there. Or HE can do it for me. Sometimes he comes first, sometimes I do. I still get to Come.

Why is sex "over" for some when the man ejaculates?

My Man and I often have sex where one of us comes first, we keep going until the other is either had their orgasm or orgasms, or doesn't need to.

I don't usually go off and do it by myself. He was part of the process, he can help me come, even if he already has his. It's only fair. less

Sometimes, it's OK to just say, "You know, I'm not done. I didn't come, and I'd like to. Do you want to keep going, or will you just hold me and I'll do it myself with my Hitachi?"

IMO, sex doesn't end only when the guy with the penis ejaculates. (OK that was a dumb play on "It ain't over until the fat lady sings" but I tried.) You could offer him the choice between being there while you finish yourself, or being there while he keeps going and you get what you deserve. It's OK to say something. He isn't going to leave because you didn't have an orgasm in record time. If you give him the choice, couched in terms that he will be there with you either way then he'll realize, "Hey, she isn't finished. I'm a Man, I need to finish my Job."

My Man is in his 50s, he works hard, and I still will say something if I want to come and haven't yet. Sometimes, especially if I have had several orgasms in the previous 12 hours or so, we can have a quickie and I don't even need to orgasm. But, sometimes, no matter what the situation, I WANT to Come. I am not going to let him get out of the responsibility. Yes, I am responsible for my own orgasms To a point, only if I get the chance, though, but part of that responsibility is letting him know WHEN I am not done, so that he can do what needs to be done, or at least be WITH me if he's tired. A man with an exhausted penis can still provide oral or manual stimulation to you. He can still pleasure you, even if he's already had his orgasm.

I know it sounds cliche but it comes down to communication. Usually, My Man knows if I haven't had an orgasm and can tell, without my saying anything, that I want at least a few. But, sometimes he doesn't realize and I don't expect him to be a mind reader, nor do men (sorry guys) pick up on "hints" very well.

You have to direct and to the point with men. They aren't very subtle beings.

There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm still horny. I want an orgasm. I am pretty sure I will have at least one if you/we....." whatever will work.

It makes me sad to see women sneaking off to have their orgasms alone, when a perfectly healthy, sound, good man lies there. TELL HIM!!

My Man and I went through a period where he was falling asleep DURING sex, often before I came. I was very very upset about it, so I TOLD him. I made some jokes and all he did was laugh and thought I was OK with it. I wasn't. I had to let him know, "My orgasms are better if you are with me. Please, stay awake long enough for me to get what I need." I cried a little, too. That seemed to help. He doesn't sleep during sex anymore. Really.

We also almost always get me to have my first orgasm first. Before his. That way, if he does conk out, it won't be me lying there in frustration. I can always do it again in the morning or give him a BJ in the morning, if I get what I need and then he checks out.

It's OK to talk about sex with him. less

It's true that sex doesn't have to stop once one partner reaches orgasm-- but it's also true that much of your post was loaded with sexist statements about the supposed 'job' of your man to get you off, the supposed responsibility he has for your orgasms, and the generalization that men aren't able to read the cues of their partner very well.

Dunno about you, but it's hard to miss my lover's orgasm. He's never had trouble detecting mine, either, and often reads me in ways I never knew I could be understood.

Not sure if you realize this, but it reads like you treat your lover like your Hitachi-- he's a tool to get you off, a favorite one, but if he's not up for it then you'll just use something else to get what you 'deserve'. You make it sound like he's obligated to get you off or something, which seems to put a lot of unnecessary pressure on the whole sexual encounter. I know if my lover put the same expectations on me as you put on your partner, I would have a hard time getting into the mood at all, much less getting him off.

You talk a lot about 'what needs to be done' and it leaves me wondering where the intimacy is. No offense meant, but you make it sound like sex is a chore to be completed in xyz fashion and if it's not done how you like it, then it's not done 'right'. It sounds like he needs to 'man up and do his job properly', and I can't think of anyone who'd be encouraged by that mindset.

It's true that talking about sex with your lover is a great idea-- it's always good to be open with your wants and needs, especially if they're very important to your satisfaction. What I'm trying to say here is that perhaps you invest so much importance into having orgasms that it debilitates not only his ability to pleasure you, but your ability to be pleasured. It seems you're quite focused on the big O and are determined to have it no matter what it takes, but is that really the best way to achieve the satisfaction you want?

I don't mean to offend you at all, but I felt it necessary to say something about the subject. Perhaps I don't understand your focus on orgasm because my satisfaction with my lover isn't based on whether or not we orgasm at all. He's not an object for me to use in any way necessary in order to get off, and that respect is quite mutual. If I didn't reach orgasm during sex, I wouldn't masturbate afterward because orgasm isn't my focus. If I felt unfulfilled, well-- sex wouldn't be over, would it? My fulfillment exists in conjunction with my lover's, not at his expense or regardless of his state of mind. I need him to be with me in mindset in order to be fulfilled-- and if we orgasm, great. If not, it's certainly not something I'm going to throw a fit about. I honestly have a hard time understanding how anybody -could- throw a fit about it. less