The New Intimacy

When are you not a virgin?

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Contributor: Rawhide Rawhide
I believe that virginity is lost progressively. There are so many different sex acts besides standard vaginal intercourse that it makes no sense to me to privilege that act as the line between sexual experience and inexperience.

To me, a virgin in the general sense is someone who has never participated in a sex act (which I consider to mean something involving genital stimulation) with another person. They may have masturbated, but they have never had a sexual partner. But after that initial sex act with the first partner, even after they are no longer a virgin in the general sense, they still have more levels of virginity to go through. Maybe they've done vaginal intercourse, but are still a virgin for anal sex. Maybe they've given oral but never recieved it.

So as long as we keep coming up with new sex acts, there will always be new cherries to pop
09/20/2011
Contributor: LilLostLenore LilLostLenore
Quote:
Originally posted by kck
My personal opinion is that you're a virgin if A) you've never done anything; B) you've penetrated yourself with a toy or fingers or whatever. I think you're not a virgin when a partner penetrates you with either him/herself or a toy.
agreed.
09/21/2011
Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
I believe that a virgin is someone who has not had sex, as in, NO vaginal or anal penetration. I'm kind of unsure if oral would be included.
My partner believes that you are a virgin until you cum from penetration. THAT, I don't agree with.
12/05/2011
Contributor: x203 x203
sex is when people lose their virginity for me. penis in vagina.
03/10/2012
Contributor: Rin (aka Nire) Rin (aka Nire)
Quote:
Originally posted by Rawhide
I believe that virginity is lost progressively. There are so many different sex acts besides standard vaginal intercourse that it makes no sense to me to privilege that act as the line between sexual experience and inexperience.

To me, a ... more
I like this definition. I may have to steal it.
03/13/2012
Contributor: Positwist Positwist
Quote:
Originally posted by Rawhide
I believe that virginity is lost progressively. There are so many different sex acts besides standard vaginal intercourse that it makes no sense to me to privilege that act as the line between sexual experience and inexperience.

To me, a ... more
I love this answer.

I'd also add that I don't mind if OTHER people privilege some sex act as the boundary of virginity. Emotionally, some acts seem like a much bigger step than others, and I think it's just fine to acknowledge that it felt like a big deal.

Said another way, you're no longer a virgin when you feel like you're no longer a virgin.
03/13/2012
Contributor: hall5885 hall5885
Personally I think it depends on the person and whatever act it is that they feel will make them not a virgin.
05/05/2012
Contributor: Allison.Wilder Allison.Wilder
A penis inside my vagina made me not a virgin.

I would imagine it would be penis in anus for male/male sex and i'm not sure exactly about girl/girl sex, but i would think that if you're having sex with a female, penetration or not, you'd consider that you were no longer a virgin as you had just had sex.
05/20/2012
Contributor: Gdom Gdom
Quote:
Originally posted by joja
I really dislike the distinction of virgin altogether. The most sense I've been able to make of it is considering myself a ____ virgin, replacing the blank with any activity - e.g. an anal virgin, a blowjob virgin, etc.

Why is virginity so ... more
Precisely! The bizarre focus on penetration not only causes problems for those not interested in penetrative play, but it also devalues non-penetrative sex acts. I hate when things like oral considered nothing more than foreplay for the "real" sex.

But back to the original question, conceptions of virginity vary widely. It's an extraordinarily vague idea and we can discuss what virginity "really" is all day long, but the truth is, there are virtually as many different ideas of virginity as there are people. It's a social construct and one which, in my opinion at least, does very little good and mostly serves as an unfortunate way to designate "non-virgin" women as "used goods" and "virgin" men as non-masculine.
07/19/2012
Contributor: SneakersAndPearls SneakersAndPearls
The answer will very from person to person. I really have to think that there is no right answer and that you are more or less a virgin until you believe (or your partner believes) you are not. There are some victims of rape and abuse that still consider themselves virgin because the act was not consensual. Who's going to argue with that?

Really, the same person that is a virgin in one person's eyes may seem to have had 10 partners to someone else. I like the idea of progressive virginity described above.
07/19/2012
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
Virginity is a social construct, meaning it's definition varies from person to person and over time. Every person can define their own virginity but you can never make a definition that pleases everyone and every social institution.
07/20/2012
Contributor: gavind gavind
If there is penetration, you're not a virgin anymore. Regardless if you still have you hymen in tact or not. EdenFantasys Logo
07/21/2012
Contributor: heather-mooney heather-mooney
I think it's up to anyone to decide for themselves, since sex is different for everyone, and defined differently for different people.
07/25/2012
Contributor: cutiefairyprincess cutiefairyprincess
I considered myself having lost my girl virginity when i was first fingered by a girl (im a girl to). But i considered myself loosing my male viginity when i had penis-vagina sex with a guy.
07/27/2012
Contributor: wildshores wildshores
virginity isn't a medical fact but rather a social one which makes it so nebulous and hard to pin down. i would argue that any definition that positions a certain sex act or type of sex act as the threshold of virginity is harmful to lots of people.
as a lesbian i promise sex isn't defined by penetration--it's not even the most pleasurable thing for a lot of women, so why call penetration "real sex" and nothing else? it doesn't make any sense, there's no science behind it (aside from piv making babies, which is not the end goal of most sexytimes)
you're not a virgin when you stop thinking of yourself as a virgin, and society stops seeing you as a virgin. why did you stop thinking of yourself that way? you had sex. what's sex? whatever you and your partner perceive as sex--presumably some genital-touchin funtimes. of course, society at large only thinks a woman is un-virgin once she's had the holy cock inside her, so that complicates matters.
anyway i guess i've never met anyone who thought solo penetration by a toy made any difference in someone's sexual experience track record
11/28/2012