The New Intimacy

Would you/Did you wait till marriage?

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Contributor: celibacysucks celibacysucks
For those that are married, did you wait to have sex until you were married?

For those that are not, if you were wildly in love with someone, would you be willing to wait until marriage if they asked?
12/05/2010
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Contributor: fghjkl fghjkl
Not likely. I'm a very sexual person. And if we're in love and getting married then why shouldn't he have to respect MY beliefs and fuck me hard haha... really though.
12/05/2010
Contributor: Lunacy Setting in Lunacy Setting in
I agree with Emily. I'm a sexual person and even if I loved the person, sex is a necessary part of a relationship for me. If I was enthralled with the guy I might try and wait around for a while, but ultimately I don't think I'd be able to stick around.
12/06/2010
Contributor: maskineri maskineri
I've experienced this situation before, when I was just plain crazy about a person who asked me to wait until the marriage. No matter how much my brain was flooded with endorphines, I got suspicious. Because in our time withholding sex till after the wedding can only mean deep psychological or physiological issues.
Turns out, I was right, by the way.
12/06/2010
Contributor: darthkitt3n darthkitt3n
I don't think I would. I would hate to have gone through a good relationship just to find out we are not sexually compatible.
12/06/2010
Contributor: leatherlover leatherlover
My wife and I did not wait until marriage. We did only oral sex for probably the first 9 months of our relationship, and then we started having sex. We waited for that long because she had bad experiences with previous partners, and I was still a virgin.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Airen Wolf Airen Wolf
(EF Review Program Mentor)
Quote:
Originally posted by celibacysucks
For those that are married, did you wait to have sex until you were married?

For those that are not, if you were wildly in love with someone, would you be willing to wait until marriage if they asked?
I did not wait until marriage as I didn't place any special significance on waiting. I knew my commitment was 100% and waiting didn't increase that. Getting married was more of a step for me rather than a goal so the night of our wedding would be special anyway. I didn't need the sex to be virginal to make it special.

Now mind you I grew up hearing how my Dad raped my Mother on their wedding night because she was a virgin and he was convinced virgins were too scared to relax and enjoy it so you had to rape them the first time. This might have colored my world view but at the time I didn't believe so.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Not here Not here
It's already way too late for that! Been with my man for almost 4 years, and we're in no rush to get married.

I believe that sexual chemistry is really important in a relationship, and couldn't be with someone that I didn't click with sexually. I couldn't imagine waiting all that time to find out we had no sexual chemistry, only to be legally bound to the person. Kind of like I believe two people should live together before getting married. It just lowers the chances of divorce if you REALLY know that you click with the person in the areas that matter most. I do respect anyone who believes in waiting, it's just not for me.
12/06/2010
Contributor: LikeSunshineDust LikeSunshineDust
I was Christian when I was younger and believed that someone should wait until marriage to have sex. After high school, I started questioning my religion and became more or less agnostic (though I really don't like to label myself). When J and I started dating, I felt so strongly about our relationship that I "knew" he was the one I would lose my virginity to, so I did. Looking back, I'm glad I had the up-bringing I did and that I waited as long as I did to have sex.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Persephone's Addiction Persephone's Addiction
No way. I was raised Wiccan - and sex was always presented as a lovely fun thing that you should do as often as you can, with any consenting adult you want to. So... there is no way I would wait to have sex. Why wait to scratch an itch that you can reach?!
12/06/2010
Contributor: Chilipepper Chilipepper
I always believed that sexual compatibility was important before marriage ...

So, yeah, how did I end up in a celibate marriage for ten years?

The attempts before marriage were bad, and I thought "Well, no one else is going to offer, and we're already promised after nine months of an online courtship, and we'll have the rest of the marriage to work on this ... " So I talked myself into a bad marriage out of fear of being alone, and spent my 20's in a celibate hell, thinking I had to live with my mistake and doing my damnedest to 'fix' something he didn't want to work on. When my 30's came around, I spent two years in therapy convincing myself it was okay to end this charade, and the living situation with him was terrible enough that I had a nervous breakdown. It was after that in which I finally decided "You know, dear, this isn't working - please leave."

So, yeah, I'm honest with myself now that whomever the next is will NOT be my only choice nor will I wait for a marriage to 'fix' things. All that has to be worked out and fixed before the concept of marriage is introduced, and he has to be willing to work on it, too. Otherwise you'll end up wasting your life like I did.

So, I think my answer is "half-assed".
12/06/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
No I don't believe I could wait to have sex. My partner had to give something up though. I am saving having someone finish inside me (without a condom) for marriage. He went from having a gf whom he did it with normally to me who has never done it. Sometimes he says it is a struggle but it was one of the things that he admired about me so he was willing to wait.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
I didn't and I wouldn't. Waiting until marriage to have sex seems so wrong to me - it's placing a huge expectation, obligation, and reverence on something that should not (in my opinion) be tied so closely to marriage. Sex and Marriage should be separate considerations. Not one and the same.

That said, I am married. And I am glad that my husband and I were not virgins, nor young, when we married. We lived lives before meeting each other, we experienced other relationships, and we chose each other with our eyes wide open. I believe in the strength of our marriage much more because of what came before it. We are better for having fumbled, for having loved foolishly in the past, for having made mistakes, and experienced life lessons. It made us smarter, more self aware, more compassionate, and more capable of being better with each other.

Fuck "the rules", and just worry about being a good person, on your own terms.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
We waited until we were engaged. Looking back on it, I would have done things differently, but we were in love. Love makes you do a lot of things you look back on and question yourself.
12/06/2010
Contributor: ellejay ellejay
I didn't wait until marriage, but I waited until I found someone who I could see myself marrying.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Taylor Taylor
If the person I was with wanted to wait I think I would, but I certainly don't feel the need to wait that long
12/06/2010
Contributor: Envy Envy
I'd be willing to wait (never married) if it was really that important to them. Marriage isn't too important to me, so either way it doesn't matter about me waiting or not. I only wait to make sure the relationship is strong and going to last, I don't need a ring to tell me that.
12/06/2010
Contributor: kinky girlfriend kinky girlfriend
Quote:
Originally posted by celibacysucks
For those that are married, did you wait to have sex until you were married?

For those that are not, if you were wildly in love with someone, would you be willing to wait until marriage if they asked?
no I didn't wait until marriage but have been with the same person for years..I wouldn't sleep with someone unless we both loved each other and I could see us together for a really long time.
12/06/2010
Contributor: seaofneptune seaofneptune
Quote:
Originally posted by kinky girlfriend
no I didn't wait until marriage but have been with the same person for years..I wouldn't sleep with someone unless we both loved each other and I could see us together for a really long time.
I agree, that's the same way I feel.

My partner told me he would have waited for me if I chose to wait until marriage. I would have waited for him if he asked because I love him. We didn't wait, but I was and still am madly in love with him so I knew we would be together for a long time. We aren't married, at least not yet.
12/06/2010
Contributor: El-Jaro El-Jaro
I'm glad this hasn't come up for me. I wouldn't ever marry anyone without having sex/making love to them first.

You learn a LOT about a person pre-/post coitus and during too!

Marriage used to be a business dealing that was mentioned as far back as the Code of Hamurabi (~1800 BCE)
12/06/2010
Contributor: the bedroom blogger the bedroom blogger
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I didn't and I wouldn't. Waiting until marriage to have sex seems so wrong to me - it's placing a huge expectation, obligation, and reverence on something that should not (in my opinion) be tied so closely to marriage. Sex and Marriage ... more
I don't know why, but I got a little teary-eyed reading this. You made my day. I don't believe anyone could have put it any better.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Jul!a Jul!a
I never believed in waiting until marriage, but I was always in a serious relationship when it happened for the first time with each person. My fiance now and I dated back in high school and at that time, I was a virgin but he was not and he said that he didn't feel right taking that from me. I am the only person he's ever finished inside of without a condom, and he's the only one I allowed to do that with me.
12/06/2010
Contributor: ~LaUr3n~ ~LaUr3n~
Quote:
Originally posted by Chilipepper
I always believed that sexual compatibility was important before marriage ...

So, yeah, how did I end up in a celibate marriage for ten years?

The attempts before marriage were bad, and I thought "Well, no one else is going to ... more
"I always believed that sexual compatibility was important before marriage ... "

YES~!
12/06/2010
Contributor: Waterfall Waterfall
I am not a virgin, and I dont think that I would be able to wait until marriage to have sex with my partner. However, I am not sure if this would be different if I was a virgin.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Tuesday Tuesday
I didn't wait. And I wouldn't marry someone who wanted to wait until marriage. That would indicate too big a difference in world view.

Amusingly, my conservative grandmother once remarked "I'm not telling you not to wait until marriage but I would never have married your grandfather if I knew ahead of time what he was like in bed."
12/06/2010
Contributor: Redboxbaby Redboxbaby
I didn't and I wouldn't! My daddy always told me to test drive the car before you buy it! I apply that to many aspects of my life, especially this one. I fully believe that you have to be sure you are sexually compatible with the person you are going to spend the rest of your life with!
12/06/2010
Contributor: Throwingawaysoon Throwingawaysoon
Quote:
Originally posted by celibacysucks
For those that are married, did you wait to have sex until you were married?

For those that are not, if you were wildly in love with someone, would you be willing to wait until marriage if they asked?
Nope. My wife and I started going out when we were in our teens. Hormones are a real bitch at that age lol.
12/07/2010
Contributor: Kimbertrees Kimbertrees
If I was wildly in love with someone and they asked me to wait until marriage then I would, but personally I'd rather do so before.
12/07/2010
Contributor: pinkzombie pinkzombie
Quote:
Originally posted by celibacysucks
For those that are married, did you wait to have sex until you were married?

For those that are not, if you were wildly in love with someone, would you be willing to wait until marriage if they asked?
No I did not, and I dont think I would again, But I would def. wait longer and only do it with really important ppl.
12/07/2010
Contributor: ScottA ScottA
I don't see why it's a bad thing. Granted, it could mean funny things, but it also could mean that you have strong willpower and want to be committed to one person. As long as you both are willing to work with each others sexuality and develop together why not? Of course, I'm also coming from the idea that I'll be with my wife for the rest of my life.
12/07/2010