The New Intimacy

Sex while baby is in the room?

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Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, she's asleep and if she wakes she can't see us and even if she did, has no clue what's going on. All she would care about is her dangly-bobs over her crib.

What's your deal and reason why?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
No way. Not with my baby in the room.
25  (39%)
Sure, why not?
39  (61%)
Total votes: 64
Poll is closed
09/11/2012
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Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
It's been stated by doctors that THAT could SERIOUSLY traumatize the baby if it wakes up. Even if they don't consciously remember it, it will mess with there head.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Zandrock Zandrock
I disagree. I have read articles that state children who know their parents have an active sex life have a more positive attitude regarding sex and relationships and end up with better relationships. It is completely natural. The only reason I wouldnt do this if my partner or I were loud enough we waked the baby.

Also a baby has no memory. It simply does not and wont recall anything. As you start to hit 2 you get some memories, but before then you honestly pretty much have a vegetable. Not trying to be mean, but that is the cognitive level of the child at that point.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
I don't have a child yet, but I just don't think I could do that, even if the baby was asleep, we were quiet and we couldn't be seen. I'd just feel....like a bad parent =/.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
Quote:
Originally posted by Zandrock
I disagree. I have read articles that state children who know their parents have an active sex life have a more positive attitude regarding sex and relationships and end up with better relationships. It is completely natural. The only reason I ... more
That is true. I think I remember learning in psych. that they start remembering around age 3. I actually have a memory from that age that I can recall.
09/11/2012
Contributor: PepperPot PepperPot
Maybe I'm weird, but I don't think it's a big deal. But since your partner does think it's a big deal, then it is. Maybe there's some way to compromise?
09/11/2012
Contributor: sXeVegan90 sXeVegan90
I couldn't do that with my child in the room if I had a baby. As Zombirella stated, I'd feel like a terrible parent, even if they couldn't remember it.
09/11/2012
Contributor: SimpleHedonist SimpleHedonist
I do not think it is weird or unhealthy at all, but if your partner does I am sure she would not enjoy herself even if you did talk her into it.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
If the child were young and asleep, I'd have no problem with. Infants have terrible vision as it is, they'd see nothing. Plus, they have no memory of the event. And, if you're out of sight, even if the child is awake, they have no sense of object permanence so in the child's mind, you don't even exist. They're strictly "out of sight, out of mind" beings until around 8 months of age.

It's not like you're planning on using the baby in any way (at least I hope not...) or using the baby as an "audience." It's no weirder than having a pet in the room as long as the child is still young and unaware.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Falsepast
It's been stated by doctors that THAT could SERIOUSLY traumatize the baby if it wakes up. Even if they don't consciously remember it, it will mess with there head.
Not to sound harsh, but no legit doctor with any worth would support such a pop-media enduced stigma.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Zandrock
I disagree. I have read articles that state children who know their parents have an active sex life have a more positive attitude regarding sex and relationships and end up with better relationships. It is completely natural. The only reason I ... more
Having two children I absolutly know what you are saying by vegitable. They are a blank slate untill about 3 months.
09/11/2012
Contributor: K101 K101
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, ... more
I've never done it, and can't say I'd be 100% comfy with it, but I'm not so prudish that I'd NEVER do it. I'm sure if we were horny and deprived enough, I'd do it with a baby in the room, as long as the baby was asleep. Of course it'd have to be a baby though, no older children. I don't see what the big deal would be. They can't know what you're doing and if they're asleep, they won't likely see anything.

I agree, why be ashamed? LOL @ "dangly-bobs" I thought that was cute.

We've never done it with any of our children in the same room, but while the kids are sleeping and in another room, yes. It's normal to do that, and during the baby years I don't see anything wrong with doing it in the same room. Never with the baby in the bed with you though.
09/11/2012
Contributor: KrazyKandy KrazyKandy
I can't think of doing that, that is why I do not want kids. I love sex and I would then only be able to do it once a year if I had kids.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Bignuf Bignuf
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, ... more
People all over the planet and for millennia lived in ONE ROOM situations and had sex with children around. The children survived and so did they.

Your situation is far LESS "traumatic" then this. It is a BABY. What does the baby know???

Seems your wife is getting hung up on being MOM and not your lover. That can be a BIG mistake in a relationship. Believe it or not, that baby will grow up....FAST, and next thing you know, That baby has their own life,and then it is back to JUST YOU TWO, and unless you have love and passion for each other...well, then all is lost for you.

I would make one suggestion however. MOVE THE BABY TO ANOTHER ROOM. It is quieter for them and would obviously be better for the BOTH of you.
09/11/2012
Contributor: ellieprobable ellieprobable
For most of human history and still in many parts of the world today, whole families slept in the same bed. Guess what? People had more than one kid and that means they were fucking with babies and probably children in the bed. I don't advocate exposing a child that is old enough to remember or understand to sexual activity but an infant? Really? Not a big deal.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Beck Beck
My children slept in the room with use for the fist 1.5 years of their life. We had to have sex with them in the room. As long as they were asleep, neither of us minded. However, since your partner does mind, it looks like you need to have sex somewhere else. Shower? Sofa? Kitchen Table? Anywhere you can think of.

I have to agree with Bignuf, it sounds like your wife is focused on being a mother and not a lover at the same time. Remind her how important and desirable she is. Help her relax a little. Give her a foot rub or something. Seriously, being a new mom is stressful even if we don't appear to be stressed out. It's hard work having to care for one persons needs, let alone remember your personal needs and the needs of your husband. She needs you to help her, even if it is just grabbing the wipes when they are across the room or filling the bottle (getting the baby out of bed if breastfeeding.) She has a lot on her plate right now, so helping her remember that there is fun to be had is a good thing. She would likely appreciate it.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Terri69 Terri69
Why not?
09/11/2012
Contributor: tortilla tortilla
don't see a problem with it
09/11/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
Can you compromise and do it somewhere else like the couch in the living room?
09/11/2012
Contributor: ValerieRayne ValerieRayne
I definitely never had a problem having sex as long as the kids were asleep. They all (all 4) stayed sleeping in my room from the day they were born until they'd let me move them out of the bed. Sometimes you're too exhausted to compromise with the sofa and the shower, so you say to yourself, "I'll just keep quiet and not wake the baby".

I think more than a compromise between you and your partner, you need to discuss what's going on and why she feels uncomfortable with the idea. I can guarantee that having sex in front of your baby will not cause them serious trauma and like @Zandrock said, it's actually healthier for a kid to know that the people around them are healthy sexually and that's been proven through tons of sexual-related research throughout many different fields including psychology, sociology and biology. It's been proven on a global scale. Why do you think they're shoving it down our throats that we should be teaching our young kids about sex?!?

It's part of who we are and what we do. It is what we are made of! Ain't no shame
09/11/2012
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Personally as long as they are newborn or a few months old I would be all game for it, they don't understand and like others said they won't remember. If your wife has a problem with this you'll have to take the sex elsewhere in the house. Not sure how old your baby is but I would talk to your wife about other places in the house. Good Luck
09/11/2012
Contributor: Do emu Do emu
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, ... more
Dogs, yes. Babies, no.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Incendiaire Incendiaire
As long as no one shrieks so loudly that they wake the baby up I don't see a problem.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, ... more
No way. Not with my baby in the room.
09/11/2012
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Bignuf
People all over the planet and for millennia lived in ONE ROOM situations and had sex with children around. The children survived and so did they.

Your situation is far LESS "traumatic" then this. It is a BABY. What does the baby ... more
The only solution has been for US to move to another room. I suggested we roll her crib into the living room just for the time and roll her back in afterwards and she reacted like it was the cruelest suggestion akin to abandoning our baby.

You hit the nail on the head with the one room situations of the past. Up till only just 90 year ago parents were only seperated from their children by a sheet hung up around their bed. And their kids ranged the full spectrum of age. The concept of mom and dad having sex being "traumatic" to children is actually a very recent stigma, one that is pushed by TV shows and sitcoms as a running gag.

I am pleased to announce that our preschooler is a week away from getting her new room, leaving the baby room open for the infant and out of our room. BUT we face the new possability of the preschooler wandering the house in the night. I put a non-locking knob on her door so she can't lock herself in... but this is a double edge sword as now there's no way to keep her in there other than to shove a chair under the knob. And that would just make me feel bad as a parent. But I'm already mentaly prepared for the chance our children walking in on us while we're going at it. I make sure our house is very open with things such as nudity.

Our daughter already know that mom and dad are different. I change with the door open and have showered with her when she was much younger.
09/11/2012
Contributor: sexfairy sexfairy
Quote:
Originally posted by ValerieRayne
I definitely never had a problem having sex as long as the kids were asleep. They all (all 4) stayed sleeping in my room from the day they were born until they'd let me move them out of the bed. Sometimes you're too exhausted to compromise ... more
I entirely agree with this!!! Well said!
09/11/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
Quote:
Originally posted by Do emu
Dogs, yes. Babies, no.
LOL! I actually feel the opposite. Dogs have a MUCH better idea what you are doing than babies do. Our kids slept in our rooms for the first year or so, and between sex sessions for several years after that. The dogs are never allowed in the room during sex, because it messes with the Pack Hierarchy. Really. It doesn't hurt babies, but it's terrible for your relationship with your dogs. ONLY the Alpha pair are allowed to mate, and no one else is supposed to be present in the Canine World. Humans work it a little differently.

The whole "Primal Scene" thing (seeing your parents "doing it" is harmful) was started by FREUD who never proved a single thing he wrote!!!! Yet, some of his ill gotten ideas are still floating around. NONE of them have any evidence behind them, including the "Primal Scene" theory.

As others have said, babies have slept in their parents rooms for millenia. Can you talk to your wife and try to help her understand that 1) It's not going to hurt the baby if she's sound asleep, doesn't yet have receptive language (that's about when memory starts) and 2) There are other places to have sex. (And even if she did see or hear you having sex it is NOT "traumatic." Everybody in the world has sex, and most people have kids, and MOST people sleep in the same room as their kids.... so kids see and hear parents getting in it on ALL the time. Be gentle with her, but talk her through it. You have options other than in the bedroom with the baby.

I remember my husband and I having a "night away" from the baby.... by having a sexual romp and sleepover on our sofa hide a bed, while the baby was sleeping in her cradle in OUR room! We also did it in the recording studio in the basement, in the kitchen, in the guest rooms, in the living room and ONCE in our car on a date.... while my mother was at home with our baby and our toddler.
09/11/2012
Contributor: damnbul12 damnbul12
Sure, why not?
09/11/2012
Contributor: Missmarc Missmarc
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
We recently had a baby and she will not have sex with me because one reason... the baby is sleeping in the same room.

I tell her it's perfectly natural and why should we be ashamed of th every thing that gave us the baby. Besides, ... more
No way. Not with my baby in the room.
09/11/2012
Contributor: PeaceToTheMiddleEast PeaceToTheMiddleEast
I have done it when they were baby baby's. But they were asleep and we were not loud and made sure to stay under the covers so nothing was seen.
09/11/2012