The New Intimacy

Sex the night before a workday.

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Contributor: chicken12 chicken12
Quote:
Originally posted by NewEnglandCouple
Good call, I'm going to point that out the next time she uses this argument.
I don't want to overstep my boundaries or anything, but I don't think this is something that should be an issue for battle with evidence and retorts and refutes.


I don't know if I would say that she's trying to "weasel out" or make an excuse. If she is, then there are bigger issues at hand - she might not feel comfortable in the relationship, she might not be feeling satisfied, there might be health issues and she's not really enjoying it/interested in it. If that's the case, then seeing a doctor or a psychologist might be something to consider.

However, it could also be that she really does think she can smell the semen. It's not rational, but it's what she believes. It's something that she's conscious of and it's not just going to go away because it's a "silly" thought.

The whole "period blood" thing is certainly a good argument and it could very well make her realize her idea is kind of silly. On the other hand, it could make her become more and self-conscious when she's going through that time of the month and she COULD start to miss work because of it.

I obviously don't know her or what he thought processes or motives are behind it, but this is all stuff to consider. What might be irrational or simply untrue might hold a lot of value for someone who believes in it. If she thinks it smells, she's going to find some way of confirming in herself that it does indeed smell.
11/22/2011
Contributor: ThoughtsAblaze ThoughtsAblaze
Quote:
Originally posted by Nora
I "get" the whole "she can smell it, so everyone must smell it" thing...but honestly...no sex the night before work?!? We'd never have sex if that was the case!

As for the "leaking"...yeah, that actually ... more
^^ Ditto to this.

Leaking happens and I get the paranoia of others smelling "sex" on you. I seriously doubt she's using that as an excuse to weasel out of sex, as you put it. Talk to her about it and offer these suggestions or Gunsmoke's period reasoning, but don't argue about it.

Plus, it's the workplace: unless she's close friends with someone, I doubt anyone will bring up sex and smells. And my experience has shown me that even when I'm 100% certain everyone will notice something, nobody bats an eye.
11/22/2011
Contributor: biggieaddict biggieaddict
1) Weasel Alert! My wife and I have awakened randomly hours before the alarms and filled those hours happily. The post shower drive to work in a closed and heated vehicle exposed no noticeable odors.

2) She may actually be smelling components of the semen that have been absorbed. The semen/prostaglandin reaction is well known. At times after eating or after using a different (and soon after rejected) anal lube and misc chemical exposures, I have noticed an appropriate taste or smell that none of my coworkers could detect. Also, aside from morning breath, if one has not eaten recently, there is also little correlation between what one tastes on one's own breath, and what everybody else smells.

3) Chicken12 made an excellent reply, and I entirely agree: The weaselling may be(likely is) cover for bigger issues that need resolution. Good luck, I hope it works out for the best.
11/22/2011
Contributor: Istanbull Istanbull
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
I do have sex before a work day and never really think much about it. But if a perceived odor is of concern, why not use a condom?
According to her it's not the cum, it's just her.

But we both hate condoms and using a condom on a woman who's only been off the pill two times in 16 years just to have our kids, is rediculous. I didn't go through high-school and my early 20's scared shitless about knocking women up and getting AIDs only to be marriage for a decade and a half and still have still using condoms.
11/23/2011
Contributor: JDear JDear
Maybe use a condom if she's concerned?
11/23/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by chicken12
I don't want to overstep my boundaries or anything, but I don't think this is something that should be an issue for battle with evidence and retorts and refutes.


I don't know if I would say that she's trying to "weasel ... more
This is exactly what I wanted to say, but couldn't figure out how to say it. These kinds of relationship issues are not well handled by presenting arguments and statistics to support your statements and refute hers. It isn't an intellectual debate, it's your life partner and her personal fears, insecurities and feelings.

A better way to approach it, IMO, is to sit down and talk to her about what is really bothering her, and how you can both make some changes together to work things out. Compromise moves you along, debates generally don't. Just in my experience.

Best wishes!
11/23/2011
Contributor: Girly Girl Girly Girl
yes why not
11/23/2011
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Istanbull
According to her it's not the cum, it's just her.

But we both hate condoms and using a condom on a woman who's only been off the pill two times in 16 years just to have our kids, is rediculous. I didn't go through high-school ... more
I guess in that kind of situation, you'd have to weigh the pros and cons.... would you rather have sex with a condom during the week or not have sex during the week at all?

Long term relationships are all about compromise and being compassionate, understanding and supportive of the needs and concerns of your partner. If you turn it into an adversarial situation, I promise the outcome will not be good. But if you look at it as a problem you both want to tackle together (as a team), you immediately put yourselves on the same side, and can find a solution together. That means neither person will get 100% of what they want - but that's fair. Both partners will have to give a little on behalf of the other.
11/23/2011