The New Intimacy

Masturbation and partner resentment.

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Contributor: mistressg mistressg
Quote:
Originally posted by Pumpkin Lady
I chose, "I'm fine with my partner masturbating as long as he has something left to fulfil my needs." Because I only get sex about once a month. What a waste of birth control. I know that he masturbates much more often than that, and I ... more
Yeah, I kind of feel this way to. Apparently, he does it several times a day sometimes, yet most days a week I go without sex. I sometimes feel frustrated because of that.
12/08/2011
Contributor: Clock Chime Clock Chime
So far, it hasn't been much of an issue for me.
06/01/2013
Contributor: Beautiful-Disaster Beautiful-Disaster
I masturbate so I'm fine with a partner doing it as well.. Even when I never masturbated, I didn't care.
06/01/2013
Contributor: karenm karenm
My partner never masturbates when I'm only there (only when I don't see him for a day or two). I don't think I would resent him if he did, but I'd prefer him doing it in front of me or us having sex.
06/02/2013
Contributor: Nezzie13 Nezzie13
My partner is one of those once-a-day guys, usually to take care of his morning erection, but he's very matter-of-fact about it and clearly prefers intimacy with a partner (lucky, lucky, me!). He's actually been disappointed if I arrive just after he's finished and when he knows I'll be visiting he'll wait for me.
I've been masturbating for years, but it's much more frequent now that I have him, and he's often the fodder for my fantasies, so he doesn't seem to mind the masturbation itself, but I do wonder how he feels about my dildos.
06/02/2013
Contributor: SecretKinksters SecretKinksters
I have no problem with him masturbating. There is always more than enough left for me. I find it a turn on knowing he's jerking off, I sometimes spy on him (with him knowing)...it's a little game we play.
06/02/2013
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Logically, I am completely fine with it. Emotionally, I know it happens and I get sad, because I would love to have helped out in some way, but I know that it is fine and not a big deal.
06/02/2013
Contributor: wicked48 wicked48
I'm on the 'I masturbate so he can do it to' side.
06/02/2013
Contributor: spiced spiced
I'd be thrilled if my wife masturbated. She's only done it a handful of times in all the years we've been together — and those were times when I was away for days or weeks of business travel.

I love that I fulfill her needs, but the more I think about it, the more I want to watch her "jill off".
06/03/2013
Contributor: ScorpioCurves ScorpioCurves
I honestly love masturbating, sometimes even more than sex (depending on my mood). So if I was with a partner who was so insecure about me masturbating & hated it to the point of forcing me to masturbate on their own terms, I'd probably end the relationship. On the other hand I can see when too much masturbation could be a problem (such as masturbating from lack of intimacy or as a manipulation tactic). I think if either person in the relationship is having problems, they should both communicate their issues instead of taking it out on each other passive-aggressively/a ggressively.
06/04/2013
Contributor: ViVix ViVix
Quote:
Originally posted by Liz2
Many women enjoy masturbation both alone and with a partner, their partners probably masturbate alone as well. How do you women of the EF community feel about your partner masturbating w/o you?
So, I have a male friend who commonly tells me he does before he goes to see his gf because he lasts longer, and I generally agree with that reasoning. Really, I'd never be upset about my partner masturbating though...
06/04/2013
Contributor: orgasmicfarmer orgasmicfarmer
I love to masturbate and I love when my wife masturbates. I made a beer run today and when I got back she said to me, "i masturbated while you were gone". I don't always have to know, but it's sexy when she is open. I like to rub one off quickly, if I know we are going to have a play night. I last a lot longer and we can have a 40+ minute fun night. We don't usually masturbate in front of each other, but it is something I'd be open to.
01/09/2019
Contributor: CuriousFun CuriousFun
I went through a very brief period, when I was about 18 and in my first serious relationship, where I felt a little insecure and unhappy about my boyfriend masturbating....but thankfully I seemed to snap out of it pretty quickly. I realised that I couldn't be available or in the mood every time he wanted to get off, and since I masturbated myself, it was hardly fair to hold it against him.

I've also come to realise that solo masturbation is just a completely different sexual experience from sex with a partner. When you're flying solo, you can be completely selfish and 100% focused on doing what feels good and right to you. You can make things go as fast or slow as you want and tailor the experience to perfectly suit your mood and needs of the moment, without worrying about whether those needs mesh with someone else's. It can also be a way to experiment with new things without having to feel embarrassed or self-conscious. Sometimes I think we all need that, even when we're in a relationship with a really great partner who knows how to satisfy us sexually. Sometimes it's still nice to indulge in a little self-love. It doesn't mean you love your partner any less, or that they're not enough for you.


So yeah, basically, I think masturbation is great and everyone who wants to should do it, including anyone I may happen to be dating. Honestly, I'd probably think it was a little strange if someone I was dating DIDN'T masturbate (though to each their own, of course).
05/16/2020