The New Intimacy

Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s?

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Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually always want more then him in our particular situation-

I start thinking that I wish he would give me more when I want it.

I read about all these sexual acts other peoples partners do for them, and I get sort of jealous and I start to think “Why won‘t he ever do this, why won‘t he ever do that”… etc, etc, etc.


So the question is, do you find yourself jealous of some of the things you hear that other people WILL DO for their S/O’s that your partner WILL NOT do for you?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Yes
8  (14%)
No
40  (68%)
Other
11  (19%)
Total votes: 59
Poll is closed
07/16/2012
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Contributor: Rossie Rossie
Guess I'm one of those lucky ones who receives a lot from my willing husband. Have you tried communicating with yours about it?
07/16/2012
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
I do sometimes.
07/17/2012
Contributor: bayosgirl bayosgirl
Yes.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Zombirella Zombirella
No, but I do get annoyed with the crap that people tell my fiance and he comes home and tells me. I told him just to stop discussing sexual things with these people. It makes me mad because there are things I do NOT want to do and don't want him wishing I would or bringing it up. I really don't appreciate this one girl talking about her sexual activities around him and his friends either. Just because SHE is that way and does what she does, doesn't mean I would OR want to.
07/17/2012
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones too, my man has often said that he's happy to honestly do anything I want to do, or at least try it. He's not perfect and neither am I but we're both willing to do our best to make the other happy.


Do you talk to your partner about your needs and get a bad response?
07/17/2012
Contributor: hot lil momma hot lil momma
I try not to let myself go there. I can only focus on my own relationship and not let that kind of thing get to me
07/17/2012
Contributor: Sir Sir
No. I could care less about what other people do for their partners. I only care about what mine does for me, and if it is lacking, then I cannot stay with them.
07/17/2012
Contributor: ToyTimeTim ToyTimeTim
Sort of, there are few things that I wish the wife would at least try. But I know that pressuring her into something she does not want to do is not right. So it becomes a fantasy and I just hope it some day becomes a reality.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Dixiemomma Dixiemomma
nope ... mine is usually the one making others jealous of me
07/17/2012
Contributor: Faeya Faeya
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
I moreso tend to get jealous of things that others' S/O's let them do. I'm a sub, I enjoy service, and my Dragon is way too independent for all that
07/17/2012
Contributor: Peggi Peggi
I guess I'm another one of the lucky ones. Our friends are always using what we do for each other as an example to use in their own relationships, because we always go out of our way to do things for each other.
07/17/2012
Contributor: All His All His
I poke fun at the hubby sometimes but he does the same when he sees another woman doing something for her man that i havent done, there is no jealousy about it
07/17/2012
Contributor: brevado brevado
I typically have matched anything others have talked about, so we're pretty good already
07/17/2012
Contributor: solitudinarian solitudinarian
No. My partner is happy to try most things. He has limits, but if something really gets me going, he will usually like it because he loves turning me on.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Ansley Ansley
No, not really. I mean, I used to but it was more over the emotional stuff than the physical stuff. When I learned how to express myself in a way that made sense to him, a lot of that changed. And same for him, we just had to learn how to communicate with each other.
07/17/2012
Contributor: P'Gell P'Gell
I chose my partner by determining what I loved about him, what he did that I loved and what he did that I may not love, but could live with.

We were together for a while before getting married, and if there was anything I couldn't live with, or would feel bad that someone else was getting that I wasn't, I would have moved on.

You get a choice who you spend your life with. Nobody is perfect. You have to figure out what you DO love about him and what about his "less than perfect behaviors" you CAN live with. He's most likely doing this with you.

One of the points of dating and "test driving" partners is to rule out people and behaviors you can't live with. Or don't want to live with. If he's disappointing you on many fronts, you do have the choice to move on.

I chose My Man based on these criteria, and he chose me based on his criteria. NOBODY is going to fulfill all your desires, but the reason for dating, cruising and having sex with people is not only to have fun, but to find the right partner for you.

Also, what types of things are you "expecting." I knew going into our relationship that getting My Man to "go out" and do fun things would be a challenge. It was when we were dating and it is now. Not that he never does, but he tends to want to stay at home and work on "projects" rather than go out and do things I consider fun. It reaches a head, (as it did last week, when my youngest child was crying that we hadn't done ANYTHING as a family all summer or all last summer) and then he'll give in.

But, I KNEW this going into it. It's something I can live with, as he has a lot of good points. You have to weigh what you need, what you want and what makes you the most happy and what behaviors, or lack of them makes you very sad. And act accordingly. You can't change people. You have to take them as they are. Then, find out what you can live with and live without, what really means a lot to you and make your decision based on those.
07/17/2012
Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
I understand. My husband is a "withholder"! I am the instigator of sex in our relationship. He seems to have some control issues that he has to make sure that I don't too much sex or something. I quietly sneak away and use my toys to get my needs met. He has been much better since I started purchasing toys. It seemed to spark his interest. The lines of communication have gotten much better since I have been on the forums and I have learned about new things and then we discuss them or I will ask him if he is willing to try something. I completely understand your feelings and the plight of the needs not being met.
07/17/2012
Contributor: null null
I really only get upset about it when it's things that I have a tough time asking my SO for, and the other party is really into that, so no one has to ask for it at all. It just makes me wish my SO was a little more 'out there'.
07/17/2012
Contributor: unfulfilled unfulfilled
No, I'm glad they have healthy relationships.
07/17/2012
Contributor: <3BF <3BF
Quote:
Originally posted by null
I really only get upset about it when it's things that I have a tough time asking my SO for, and the other party is really into that, so no one has to ask for it at all. It just makes me wish my SO was a little more 'out there'.
Yeah, I don't really get jealous but I do have some fantasies that I wish we could pursue but she is hesitant to try. I don't get jealous about reading what other EF users post, but I do get valuable insights on what works for other people and what doesn't and how they handle questions in their sex lives.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Kitka Kitka
Sorry to hear about your situation hun. All I can really suggest is communication but it's already been suggested and I'm sure you've tried it.

To answer your question, no I don't get jealous of others and what they do. It's their thing and not everyone is the same so I can't really expect my husband to do something someone else is doing just because it sounds good to me.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Hallmar82 Hallmar82
I'm a little envious of other couples who have a partner with a high sex drive. My wife doesn't like to have sex that often since she experiences a lot of discomfort during sex.
07/17/2012
Contributor: HB042 HB042
Quote:
Originally posted by Dixiemomma
nope ... mine is usually the one making others jealous of me
Same here. I used to get cranky emails from the boyfriends and husbands of friends and family, saying that my husband was making them "look bad". The only advice I could offer was to step it up!
07/17/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by Rossie
Guess I'm one of those lucky ones who receives a lot from my willing husband. Have you tried communicating with yours about it?
I am always initiating sex. But we have been so busy with helping renovate his parents new house that he is really tired all the time and only wants to cuddle.

As far as when I want him to do something kinky or whatever, I always tell him what I want to do

(but unless it is just a different position) or something that has to do with bondage, he isn’t usually willing to give it a try lately.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by Zombirella
No, but I do get annoyed with the crap that people tell my fiance and he comes home and tells me. I told him just to stop discussing sexual things with these people. It makes me mad because there are things I do NOT want to do and don't want him ... more
I can see how it would be annoying to have some girl telling your S/O about things she does and making him want you to do it now when you don't want to... especially if he constantly brings it up or something.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by indiglo
I'm sorry to hear that you feel that way.

I guess I'm one of the lucky ones too, my man has often said that he's happy to honestly do anything I want to do, or at least try it. He's not perfect and neither am I but ... more
If by bad you mean a response I don't want to hear, yes. He isn't as open to new things as me sometimes
07/17/2012
Contributor: Ilovelingerie Ilovelingerie
Quote:
Originally posted by P'Gell
I chose my partner by determining what I loved about him, what he did that I loved and what he did that I may not love, but could live with.

We were together for a while before getting married, and if there was anything I couldn't live ... more
Well I am certaianly not looking for anyone else by any stretch of the imagination. We are getting married in less then a month now and I am counting down the days.

But sometimes I do find myself wishing he would have sex with me more, or try things that I want him to try... But as far as sex goes he is mainly only into oral sex, regular sex and bondage.. or using a toy on me. Other then that there isn't anything he wants to do...

Like say I want him to let it out on my stomach- This is not something he will do, he doesn't let it out in me, or on me. Only in my mouth... lol, silly man.

Just simple things like that are some of the things I am referring to.
07/17/2012
Contributor: - Kira - - Kira -
No. I'm gonna basically ditto P'Gell because that's pretty much everything I would have said. I picked my husband because he had the traits I desired and the negative aspects of him are ones I can live with.

Let me add this though - if there are many thing you want to try and he is shut down to them, that's not a good start. You will end up sexually unsatisfied, he'll end up annoyed at hearing you complain about what he doesn't do, etc. If you're getting married soon, it's really best to have a serious sit down about these things. Yes it's sex, but a fulfilling sex life is more crucial to a happy home than most people care to admit.
07/17/2012
Contributor: Stinkytofu10 Stinkytofu10
Quote:
Originally posted by Ilovelingerie
Do you ever get upset/jealous hearing about all the things other partners will do for their S/O’s that they wont/or don’t do for you?



Sometimes when I am feeling down about how I don’t get enough sex from my man

-I usually ... more
No, but if I am not happy with my current partner, I would move on and look for something that will satisfy me more. If your man isn't giving you enough sex, talk to him. Figure out why he isn't up for more. Maybe too much stress from work? I am sure you can help and get him into the mood more often.

If you are just not compatible, it's always good to move on early.
07/17/2012