The New Intimacy

Has there been another contributor response that absolutely had you fuming?

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Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
Let me explain-
I read the article Teen Rape Goes Viral; Town Protects Football Team, and I was increasingly outraged and disgusted the more I read. When I reached the end of the article, I decided to read the responses from other contributors, and was completely shocked by one I saw.
I won't name any names, but one contributor essentially stated that the victim (a teenage girl who was abused and assaulted while under the influence of alcohol) was just a stupid girl who got herself into that situation in the first place, and didn't deserve any "babying".
Is this not a community that promotes positivity, health and safety? How can someone be a member of such a community and yet be so hateful, lacking understanding for the horror that a young girl went through when she drank too much at a party? Maybe I'm mistaken, but that seems to be about the same as saying "Look at what she was wearing! She was ASKING for it!"

So I ask you, have you ever seen a comment/response from a contributor that left you completely disgusted and outraged?
Did you do anything about it?
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Absolutely!
48  (76%)
Nah, I ignore it.
9  (14%)
Other?
6  (10%)
Total votes: 63
Poll is closed
01/05/2013
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Contributor: MrWill MrWill
I've got no specific people that need bashing though I occasionally see posts that are so horribly uninformed that they drive me wild. You'll find in any community that someone is always going to make incendiary comments just to see what they can start.


My best advice, even if sometimes I have trouble following it: Just take a deep breath, and walk away. Come back when you've had time to realize what the intention of the post was (as there are indeed trolls!) and then possibly reply!

01/05/2013
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Sure, it happens all over the internet, not just at Eden. I try not to upset myself over it too much, because I can't change it. People are always going to think stuff, believe stuff and say stuff that I don't like. And who knows, a person who says stuff that seems crass or ill-informed might have woken up that day and said "I'm going to go trolling on the internet and see how many people I can upset". And I just don't want to play into their hand!

I take a moment, honor my realization that I disagree (sometimes very strongly) and then try my best to get busy doing something else to take my mind off of it. I've never seen an online disagreement go well, where the offending party suddenly says "you know what? you're so right, I've been going around thinking dumb things for so long, thanks for enlightening me!" Usually in trying to converse with such people, my upset actually only gets worse! (Because they say even more annoying stuff!)

I feel like I've been agreeing with MrWilly all over the place lately! I promise I'm not Eden stalking you.
01/06/2013
Contributor: ginnyluvspotter ginnyluvspotter
never seen any yet that made me mad
01/06/2013
Contributor: kdlt kdlt
A few comments on the Trans* board have left me sad/shaking my head and one even made me angry. It's sad that people who are so otherwise open-minded and tolerant can be so narrow and thoughtless sometimes!
01/06/2013
Contributor: Bleu Bleu
People are all entitled to their opinion and stuff makes me angry, just not angry enough to get my panties in a huge bunch because I have heard before. The article you posted doesn't even say the entire story and the video isn't on there. At some point, I agree with the name-less person. She shouldn't have been out there in the first place and even put herself in a situation that would possibly end in that. Like, know who you are with and have some people who can back you up. I'm not even sure why she had no friends there with her (I would hope that if she had friends there with her they would have helped her). I think the media does portray the men who did it in a worse light than her, but a few simple...better choices could have made her avoid that.

Some people see things differently...I can't get mad a that but their ignorance is intolerable sometimes.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Gone (LD29) Gone (LD29)
I do see comments that anger me like that from time to time, and I have to take a step back and remind myself that people are only human, and sometimes people say stupid insensitive things. While I do see that type of behavior sometimes on Eden, I see far less of it here than I do other places on the internet.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Raymaker Raymaker
I seethe at the stupidity I see on the internet sometimes but I try and channel my frustration at the actual problem and people involved in the event that occured rather than some chucklefuck on the internet who probably wont listen to me anyways.
01/06/2013
Contributor: deltalima deltalima
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
Let me explain-
I read the article Teen Rape Goes Viral; Town Protects Football Team, and I was increasingly outraged and disgusted the more I read. When I reached the end of the article, I decided to read the responses from other contributors, ... more
I always see comments by people here, even highly ranked and sometimes supported by others but I never do anything because nothing will be done about it.
01/06/2013
Contributor: amazon amazon
The web is full of crap that sets me off
01/06/2013
Contributor: Martiniman Martiniman
Yes, but I just move on. We're all different and I try to remember that.
01/06/2013
Contributor: ARPKasso ARPKasso
Doesn't make me mad, waste of energy to be bothered by things like that. Especially if it's on the internet where there's tons of the same all over.
01/06/2013
Contributor: (k)InkyIvy (k)InkyIvy
Quote:
Originally posted by Bleu
People are all entitled to their opinion and stuff makes me angry, just not angry enough to get my panties in a huge bunch because I have heard before. The article you posted doesn't even say the entire story and the video isn't on there. At ... more
Something I'd like to point out:
Considering the party was at the house of an assistant coach, you'd think that the kids would be safe, that there would've been some sort of adult there to make sure things didn't get out of hand.

She could've made better choices, no doubt about it... But drinking too much does not mean she deserved to be assaulted and humiliated like that. There is not one person in the entire world who can honestly say they've never made a mistake or a bad decision.

I don't mean to be argumentative... It just seems that people are attacking the victims more and more frequently. No one would willingly subject themself to that kind of hell, whether they made a stupid decision or not. It's sad that we live in a world where people say "It was his/her own fault." when someone is raped/assaulted.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Lildrummrgurl7 Lildrummrgurl7
About the article: Why are we focusing on the victim? Why do we teach women and girls "don't get raped; don't put yourself in that position" instead of teaching men and boys "don't rape." A woman shouldn't have to worry about where she is or what kind of state she is in. She should feel safe anywhere. But because we teach "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape," this girl is being blamed for putting herself in this situation. Aghhh.

Anyways.
There have definitely been a few contributors I've bumped heads with. I'll admit to a few forum arguments. It's usually over something I feel very passionate about. I don't argue unless it's something I'm educated about and feel strongly about.
01/06/2013
Contributor: travelnurse travelnurse
Quote:
Originally posted by Lildrummrgurl7
About the article: Why are we focusing on the victim? Why do we teach women and girls "don't get raped; don't put yourself in that position" instead of teaching men and boys "don't rape." A woman shouldn't have to ... more
I agree with the teaching of boys "don't rape". My oldest is 21 years old and I have always been very open with him about sex and sexual issues. He said it really does seem to him that the girls now a day are "Looking for" guys to set up. He was off doing military training, and I told him to watch out for the girls from town as they may see him as a way out of that small town.

He said there were several instances where town girls enticed these young guys and were looking for pay out from them, if you don't pay me I will tell the military you raped me! He said he knows of one of the cases that the guy ended up thrown out of the Army but not put in jail and then after several instances they have now caught on to the behaviors of the girls. These girls doing this pretty much degrades all the legal and ethical standings with rape also. How do we win?

My son kept it in his pants and waited until he got home to see one of his fuck buddies. I'm much happier with that idea anyway.
01/06/2013
Contributor: RonLee RonLee
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
I agree with the teaching of boys "don't rape". My oldest is 21 years old and I have always been very open with him about sex and sexual issues. He said it really does seem to him that the girls now a day are "Looking for" ... more
TravelNurse, you're a Wise Mom with a Smart Son. Thank you for teaching him to be an upstanding citizen.
01/06/2013
Contributor: *Camoprincess* *Camoprincess*
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
I agree with the teaching of boys "don't rape". My oldest is 21 years old and I have always been very open with him about sex and sexual issues. He said it really does seem to him that the girls now a day are "Looking for" ... more
That is awesome of you too teach him that!! I couldn't agree more with the ones who say men/boys need to be taught NOT to rape. Women shouldn't have to be worried about a man attacking her every time she turns around.

So the girl got drunk, that doesn't mean she deserved to be raped. Some people are raped an they are purely sober. Women don't "ask or deserve" to be raped just the same as men if a woman were to rape a man.

An to answer the poll question YES I have been offended by some things others have said especially when it comes to talk about plus size or overweight people. Some people think they shouldn't be able to do the same as the thinner more fit people. Any who I am going to get off my soapbox on this before I say something that shouldn't be said.
01/06/2013
Contributor: indiglo indiglo
Quote:
Originally posted by Raymaker
I seethe at the stupidity I see on the internet sometimes but I try and channel my frustration at the actual problem and people involved in the event that occured rather than some chucklefuck on the internet who probably wont listen to me anyways.
"chucklefuck"

LOL

I love that! I might borrow that to use from time to time. Hard to be angry when you're using a funny word like that! I can see that term being helpful for many reasons.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Apirka Apirka
Of course I had to go check out what you're talking about, and I am appalled and saddened that someone made such a remark. I feel as angry about that comment as I did about the story. To be quite honest, I don't think I've seen such comments on here before, maybe I've just been lucky, but again, honestly, it's bound to happen.

Now as for that story (I left a similar comment on the article), I heard about this whole thing from another site and the info there was that this girl was also drugged, NOT just drunk... for the person making these comments (or any similar anywhere else), find out the full story before making such horrible comments. Hell, just don't make those horrible comments to begin with.
01/06/2013
Contributor: Breas Breas
Quote:
Originally posted by travelnurse
I agree with the teaching of boys "don't rape". My oldest is 21 years old and I have always been very open with him about sex and sexual issues. He said it really does seem to him that the girls now a day are "Looking for" ... more
Oh wow. That's just crazy!
01/07/2013
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
Quote:
Originally posted by MrWill
I've got no specific people that need bashing though I occasionally see posts that are so horribly uninformed that they drive me wild. You'll find in any community that someone is always going to make incendiary comments just to see what they ... more
This, basically. Some people really ought to do a little research into what they are saying before they state something horrible but I try to just move on and not let bad people on the internet affect me too much.
01/07/2013
Contributor: ~Minty~ ~Minty~
Quote:
Originally posted by (k)InkyIvy
Let me explain-
I read the article Teen Rape Goes Viral; Town Protects Football Team, and I was increasingly outraged and disgusted the more I read. When I reached the end of the article, I decided to read the responses from other contributors, ... more
I actually know the exact comment you're talking about, and replied to it about a week ago. I usually try to stay away from conflict on the internet, but that person made me really angry...

So... yes!
01/07/2013
Contributor: Cherrylane Cherrylane
I have a tough time with trolls.

I feel like just a little while ago I saw a thread about virginity where I felt like there was a CLEAR troll that no one engaging in the thread seemed to pick up on. They were going on and on about god this and hymen that and fuck evolution and science and atheists are wrong and sin and spirit and blah blah.

Some places that might be normal, but fact is, no honest to god fundamentalist like that comes on edenfuckingfantasys to buy the sex toys they totally aren't ashamed of and dont think are sinful and sodomy and impure and engage in nice sex positive discussions with people of different persuasions . No. They were here to start some shit and piss people off.

That pisses me off.
01/07/2013
Contributor: Supervixen Supervixen
Certainly. There are a few topics I just altogether avoid, because I KNOW what people are saying, and I just don't care to read something that's going to piss me off. I have a hard time with hostility and sexual shaming, but for the most part, I think Eden does an okay job of keeping that in the minority. And in any case, we all have our days, and a lot of the times I've found that arguments come out of misunderstandings--som eone took something the wrong way, or something was misconstrued to mean something else, and before you know it, an argument erupts. It's best just to move on from that.

The article being discussed...I read it and was just a bundle of anger by the time I got around to reading that particular response. And it bothered me for days. I guess just reading that right after that horrific rape in India, and then I had an awful dream where I was being stalked by men who I knew wanted to rape me and no one would help me...so I had to jump off of a roof to avoid them, and nearly died to get away from them. So yeah, the anxiety around sexual assault has been getting to me for some reason for a few days. And after reading that and being upset, I had to step away and remind myself over and over again that most people are decent, and to not fall to pieces over the state of the world because of what some awful people choose to do, both in action and in their inaction (people allowing such a thing to take place, when they could have stopped it if they'd had a backbone and a heart).

In any case, people can be difficult, and since this is an internet community where people come to interact with one another, it's just inevitable that someone is going to piss you off now and then. The best thing to do is try to not let them get to you--and if a person is consistently offensive, take it up with an admin. Chances are, you aren't the only one who is getting pissed off with their behavior.
01/07/2013
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
Quote:
Originally posted by Apirka
Of course I had to go check out what you're talking about, and I am appalled and saddened that someone made such a remark. I feel as angry about that comment as I did about the story. To be quite honest, I don't think I've seen such ... more
There's a lot of misinformation about what went on that night, and not many of the kids present are talking. I don't know if the boys drugged her. I'm not sure the police did a toxicology report. Needs more research...and more freely flowing information.

Oh, and a defense attorney who isn't trying to argue that the girl getting in the boy's car was her giving her consent.
01/07/2013
Contributor: Rayne Millaray Rayne Millaray
I saw the comment you're speaking of, and actually considered taking it down, but I knew our community would come to my aid and try to educate the person who left it.

Commentors can be frustrating. But the main reason we allow comments is to open the lines of communication, and hopefully teach each other.

If someone leaves a comment expressing their opinion, and it upsets you, you're more than welcome to say something back, as long as you're civil in your response.

On the other hand, if someone leaves a comment that is against the ToS (attacking in nature, promoting dangerous/illegal behavior, etc), please email me right away (rayne@edenfantasys.co m), and I'll take a look and handle it accordingly. Thanks!
01/07/2013
Contributor: JennSenn JennSenn
I generally ignore such comments since usually they're just looking for a response or they would be unwilling to change their mind or listen to reason anyway. It's better just to clear your head and ignore it.
01/07/2013
Contributor: Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
I'm just glad that with have a community here that is willing...wow...there' s just no good way of saying this, soooo...I guess I bite my lip and slam my head into my lap top for a few minutes...
01/12/2013
Contributor: Rod Ronald Rod Ronald
Quote:
Originally posted by Rod Ronald
I'm just glad that with have a community here that is willing...wow...there' s just no good way of saying this, soooo...I guess I bite my lip and slam my head into my lap top for a few minutes...
nah, fuck that. That was some bullshit! I know we are all entitled to our opinions and whatever, but my god. Lord forbid that ever happens to one of your children. I could only imagine what you would do if the rapist pointed to you and your child and said
"Well look at her Judge! Anyone can see she is a lil' slut that is just asking to get raped."
Yeah, karma is a mother fucker. Just remember that.
I hope I didn't come off as violent, I'm not threating anyone. just to be clear. Is that how you spell 'Threating'? Airen where are you!!!???
01/12/2013
Contributor: chicmichiw chicmichiw
Wow. I mean...other people can and should have their own opinions. But damaging opinions are something else.
01/13/2013