that's the point that always sticks in my craw, how do you decide if someone needs to be encouraged? Few people have access to other people's medical charts and no one outside of close friends and family knows their diet and lifestyle, making any judgements on heath based entirely by appearance.

Not to be mean, it's just I'm somewhat overweight (6 foot man, 250ish) and I exercise 5 times a week, yet I get the idea people think I'm unhealthy. When people say "we should encourage them to live healthy lives" I hear "I don't have any knowledge about this person's lifestyle other than their physical appearance, let's go tell them how to live their life!" less

If someone asks for encouragement in personal relationships. I wouldn't say anything to someone who was overweight and not asking for encouragement. That would be rude.

Also, things like Public Service Ads and TV shows that advocate healthy living can be helpful. People can watch them if they are interested, or not, if they are not. less

I agree about public service ads, except they tend to focus more on the weight loss aspect than healthy living. While I understand this is what people are more interested in, it has two problems. One it turns the goal from healthy living to weight loss, so people focus less on healthy diets, moderate exercise and general wellness and more on extreme ways of losing weight. Two, it may give thin people a false sense of security regarding their health, IE "I'm thin, so I'm healthy." less

Summer Pleasure: Is “Fat Acceptance” Just As Dangerous as “Thinspiration”?

You may have heard about sites that are "pro-ana". The content and mission of sites like this is to encourage eating disorders in impressionable people. It mostly targets women, but men can be affected by eating disorders as well. Sites like Pinterest and Google + have blocked people from posting content from known sites and it's just one step in the right direction.

Then, there's the flip side of the coin - what Roland carefully calls "fat acceptance". There are organizations pushing to end the bullying of people who are overweight and/or obese. While their intentions may be good, Roland questions the notion. He believes most obese Americans are not "fat & fit". Rather, they are the typical couch potato people often joke about under their breath.



Before you bring out the pitchforks and torches, it should be said that Roland is calling for a general acceptance of everyone. Yet, it should be said that being overweight and unfit is opening the door to a sundry of health issues.

It's also become a fetish. There are many sites that cater towards men who love big, beautiful women and the women they admire. There's a much darker side to that, however. There is an extreme fetish called feederism. Where men ask women to gain as much weight as they possibly can. It's an eye-opening reality in this day and age. Knowing that being overweight drastically increases your chance of diabetes and other major heath concerns one can't help but wonder, how far is too far? What say you, Edenites? How far is too far? less

Summer Pleasure: Is “Fat Acceptance” Just As Dangerous as “Thinspiration”?

You may have heard about sites that are "pro-ana". The content and mission of sites like this is to encourage eating disorders in impressionable people. It mostly targets women, but men can be affected by eating disorders as well. Sites like Pinterest and Google + have blocked people from posting content from known sites and it's just one step in the right direction.

Then, there's the flip side of the coin - what Roland carefully calls "fat acceptance". There are organizations pushing to end the bullying of people who are overweight and/or obese. While their intentions may be good, Roland questions the notion. He believes most obese Americans are not "fat & fit". Rather, they are the typical couch potato people often joke about under their breath.



Before you bring out the pitchforks and torches, it should be said that Roland is calling for a general acceptance of everyone. Yet, it should be said that being overweight and unfit is opening the door to a sundry of health issues.

It's also become a fetish. There are many sites that cater towards men who love big, beautiful women and the women they admire. There's a much darker side to that, however. There is an extreme fetish called feederism. Where men ask women to gain as much weight as they possibly can. It's an eye-opening reality in this day and age. Knowing that being overweight drastically increases your chance of diabetes and other major heath concerns one can't help but wonder, how far is too far? What say you, Edenites? How far is too far? less

The article actually pissed me off a fair bit. And the bit in this post mixing up a fat fetish with fat acceptance is just fucking stupid. Nothing wrong with having a fetish or kink or attraction for fat people, but it's not the same thing.

I could spell out all the reasons FA is a good cause with solid science and compassion behind it, but Kate Harding has done so for me already: Read her excellent post here. In fact, just go read all of The Shapely Prose archive

I would also add the fat acceptance has helped me so much as a person to overcome tremendous self-hatred, doubt, and (yes!) even disordered eating. less

I had a nasty comment posted but I think I will walk a high road and play nice. Some people do have glandular/endocrine problems that make losing weight more than any gentle persuasion can help. Some of us struggle every day just to keep doing the things our minds tell us we should be able to do. Before you pass judgement perhaps walk a few days in their shoes. less

It's not "fucking stupid". It's bringing to light all of the facets of a topic. And there is something wrong with having a fetish that encourages unhealthy behaviors in people.

Having a "fat fetish" and having a "feederism fetish" are two completely different things, feederism being the utmost extreme of the spectrum.

It's really awesome that you were able to overcome those things. I don't think what we're saying here is that fat acceptance itself is a bad thing, it's the rogue members of the movement who encourage people to remain unhealthy (if they are unhealthy) and those who take that to an extreme.

Would you support a fetish that encouraged women or men to be anorexic or bulimic? less

This is a very interesting discussion, if you don't mind me playing devil's advocate, what if the person engaging of the unhealthy behavior does so of her or his own free will? People who gain because it's their fetish, not someone else'? If that's okay, then it's the act of submitting that's the problem, not the actual unhealthiness. If that's the case, is any act of submission, or dangerous/potentially dangerous submission bad? Even if the person, in both instances submits of his/her free will? If the problem isn't the submission, but the overall unhealthiness of the fetish, then where's the line? Where is it decided which consenting fetishes are appropriate and which are not? less

It's not "fucking stupid". It's bringing to light all of the facets of a topic. And there is something wrong with having a fetish that encourages unhealthy behaviors in people.

Having a "fat fetish" and having a "feederism fetish" are two completely different things, feederism being the utmost extreme of the spectrum.

It's really awesome that you were able to overcome those things. I don't think what we're saying here is that fat acceptance itself is a bad thing, it's the rogue members of the movement who encourage people to remain unhealthy (if they are unhealthy) and those who take that to an extreme.

Would you support a fetish that encouraged women or men to be anorexic or bulimic? less

I don't mind at all. I love it when people play devil's advocate.

In every situation, excess of anything is always a bad thing. As with anything in life, you have to know where to draw the line and the line should be made within one's own mind.

However, I can't say that every act of submission I have seen has been out of want. Instead, there have been many scenarios I've seen in my own personal experiences with acts of submission where someone is submitting out of fear. Fear of loss, fear of rejection, fear of humiliation...those are not "healthy" fears. Those are fears sprung from insecurity and I think playing on one's insecurities to indulge your own sexual fantasy is never a good thing.

So, right - where IS the line? Objectively the line is drawn when one's actions begin to affect people who weren't asking to be involved. And this is just a single, hypothetical scenario but say you have a woman who loves food and she wants to be seen as a goddess for ingesting as much as she can for the enjoyment of others. She's not married, she doesn't have any kids, and she's pretty much not into being social with the world and is happy living in this way. She's not hurting anyone except for herself.

Scenario two is a bit different. A woman has a husband, she has a family and young children whom rely on her to be healthy and strong. She has this same fetish and spends her days gratifying this fetish to the point where she is confined to one room and her family has to take care of her hand and foot. This is harmful to her children and her marriage.

I think that's where the line is drawn. Of course, there are factors thrown in to make it easier to drawn the line between the two and nothing in this world is so black and white.

Ultimately, I will always feel like people should make their own decisions and be who they need to be in life in order to make it through the day to day crap. But, I cannot stop myself from wondering if there are any underlying issues involved.

We are taught the default human state is happy. Then, when we ask what happy means, we're told to define it for ourselves. When we say that we are unhappy, we are told to do things that make us happy. But, never not one time have I ever seen a textbook definition of what happiness is (outside of the American Dream, natch. /sarcasm).

I don't know...I think this is ultimately what it means to be open-minded, but I still can't help but wish people would want more and better for themselves in all aspects of life. And more pointedly, I wish they had the means to get those things. *goes off to ponder the topic more introspectively* less

Reading the "fucking stupid" comment kind of shut me down in a way and I didn't really know how to reply. I just don't like the way men have treated me in the past like I'm some sort of a strange creature/fetish. They just come right up to you and hit on you and think you like it/understand it for some reason. I actually remember feeling really turned off and annoyed by guys like these. Thank goodness my boyfriend is accepting of my body but he doesn't necessarily have a fetish for my weight or anything like that. He encourages me to be healthy. I have no idea how/where/why men have this kink but it's not healthy because they are encouraging bad health for the other person (dangerous!) which reminded me of the topic of fat acceptance. Of course people with a fat fetish are "accepting" of overweight people because they want them to stay fat or get even fatter. It's terrible for your health and I definitely think it's crossing the line. I think that this group of people might actually take part in these extreme fat acceptance type groups that don't encourage you to get healthy but to stay the same and just accept it. It was just a thought. =/

If you're overweight with a partner with a fetish for your body type it makes me a little scared for that person. They might eat more and gain more just for their partner so that they feel loved and accepted. Maybe it would get to a point where the only beauty and self worth they think they have is their overweight body. I've heard women say they are proud of their curves (which is sexy and fabulous! I love curvy women!) but to what extent? If you're morbidly obese I don't think it's anything to be proud of or to flaunt especially if you have high blood pressure, diabetes, ect.

You might be getting away with your weight for now but it will eventually catch up with you. I've been fat my entire life and I'm 24 now. I have high blood pressure and both of my parents are diabetic so I have to pay a lot more attention now because it's just going to get worse if I don't do anything. It's really hard. =[ I'm struggling but doing my best. When fat people tell me to be proud of my body and not do anything to change... pffft. less

I agree that acts of submission under coercion, whether of physical or emotional abuse is wrong, but that’s because I’m not a monster. The coercion scenario, which might be the most common, I don’t know, but it’s also the easiest to answer, which is glad you continued on. Too often with questions like this, people answer the easy, obvious question, when there are many more difficult ones under the surface.

The “other people who didn’t ask to be involved” may be the perfect place to draw the line, or at least a great one. As for happiness, I think why it’s the metric and why it’s so vague is because if some is happy, truly happy and not just kidding themselves, it’s because they’ve accomplished what they wanted. For example, when you say “but I still can't help but wish people would want more and better for themselves in all aspects of life” that puts other people up to your expectations of them, which is no way to live. On the one hand, I can understand seeing someone’ life desires, I’m not going to list an example, because I’ll probably insult someone and being disappointed in them for aiming so low, but on the other hand, who are we to decide what someone should aspire to?
Complicated question, but at least they’re being asked.
I agree that acts of submission under coercion, whether of physical or emotional abuse is wrong, but that’s because I’m not a monster. The coercion scenario, which might be the most common, I don’t know, but it’s also the easiest to answer, which is glad you continued on. Too often with questions like this, people answer the easy, obvious question, when there are many more difficult ones under the surface.

The “other people who didn’t ask to be involved” may be the perfect place to draw the line, or at least a great one. As for happiness, I think why it’s the metric and why it’s so vague is because if some is happy, truly happy and not just kidding themselves, it’s because they’ve accomplished what they wanted. For example, when you say “but I still can't help but wish people would want more and better for themselves in all aspects of life” that puts other people up to your expectations of them, which is no way to live. On the one hand, I can understand seeing someone’ life desires, I’m not going to list an example, because I’ll probably insult someone and being disappointed in them for aiming so low, but on the other hand, who are we to decide what someone should aspire to?
Complicated questions, but at least they’re being asked. less