See..once again, "our cane is for punishment"? I am a grown woman. No one is "punishing me". Period. Punishment (and not with a cane either),is for insubordinate children and misbehaving pets). I would never use a cane to hit anyone. Anyone hitting me with anything would find out what decades of working out with a heavy bag with hands and legs can achieve.

I know you folks are doing this as part of your "sex life", but it is so, so, so outside our realm of understanding, it is like totally alien thought. less

See..once again, "our cane is for punishment"? I am a grown woman. No one is "punishing me". Period. Punishment (and not with a cane either),is for insubordinate children and misbehaving pets). I would never use a cane to hit anyone. Anyone hitting me with anything would find out what decades of working out with a heavy bag with hands and legs can achieve.

I know you folks are doing this as part of your "sex life", but it is so, so, so outside our realm of understanding, it is like totally alien thought. less

See Kira's comments. i agree 100%. i'm a submissive in a D/s relationship. Punishment is part of my relationship and pain, whether as punishment or for pleasure, is a part of my life that i love and couldn't ever do without. Like Kira, this is about much MUCH more than sex. i'm a grown woman who has chosen to willingly and consensually submit to her Partner for mutual fulfillment and happiness. i agree to let Her punish my transgressions, when i break a rule, disobey an instruction, fail to do something to her standards, break ritual or protocol, or do something else that displeases her or, sometimes, because i've done something i don't feel good about and i ask her to punish me to absolve me of my guilt for whatever it is. This has nothing to do with my maturity level or age and everything to do with how i choose to have relationships. i agree, in writing, to every rule, ritual, protocol. i agree that i will do things her way and follow her instructions and do as she bids. This is how Wwe have chosen to structure Oour relationship and it works very well for both of Uus. My punishments may or may not include pain, but most often do not since i enjoy pain too much for it to really be effective. When it's punishment for something not directly related to her, obviously it doesn't negate my obligation to rectify whatever i've done to the best of my ability and to deal with any consequences of it, but once i've done that, sometimes the feelings still linger and i'm not always able to forgive myself, but through punishment, if my Mistress declares me sufficiently punished and absolved, than i must, by nature of my submission, forgive myself or i'd be disobeying her. This is of IMMENSE psychological benefit to me.
Like Kira says, punishment has little to do with age, or, for that matter, submission. Punishment may be administered by a parent or caregiver to a child, but punishments are also meted out by judges, juries, police, employers, supervisors, bill collectors, landlords, and countless other authorities, including, as Kira aptly points out, nature, also known as the universe, or simply, life. i, and many others, choose to allow a structure for punishment into my relationship because it makes sense to me and it feels right. For Uus, it helps us have a more balanced, peaceful relationship.
Pain has two main purposes in my life. Pain turns me on, it is pleasurable. For some, the pain itself is pleasurable. For many, the endorphins and the "high" that follow pain are worth the discomfort of the pain itself. For some, the act of submitting and letting someone hurt them is the turn on. It works differently for different people. For me, it's a combination of those things. i'm not turned on by stubbing my toe or jamming my finger or getting a papercut. i'm certainly not turned on by the dog that bites me at work (i'm a dog groomer) or scratches me with it's toenails. But being paddled, whipped, flogged, caned, even burned or cut, under the right circumstances, because i've submitted to accept it and am in the right mindset, with the right person whom i trust implicitly, it's a totally different ball game. A woman, a masochist, who taught a class on pain processing that i found intensely fascinating said, "What is pain without fear and shame? Merely intense sensation." Meaning that pain has a psychological association with feelings of fear and shame and negativity. Some of us don't have that connection or are able to overcome it until pain becomes merely an intense sensation that we have a capacity to enjoy. Pain also serves the purpose of catharsis. It helps me deal with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, guilt, sadness, mourning, anger, and other negative emotions. It helps me to release them. It helps me to cry when i need to but i've been fighting back the tears for too long or too hard so that i can't let them fall anymore. It lets me have a much needed release that is hard to find otherwise. Pain turns me on, it makes me feel good, it relaxes me, it clears my mind, it lightens the load on my shoulders, and has very good psychological benefits for me.
Neither submission nor pain work for everyone. In fact, i think people like Kira and i are in the minority in this, really. But for those of us who can enjoy it, it's magic. Others find their magic in other ways. less

Yes, all of that!

What is pain without fear and shame? Merely intense sensation.

I'd never heard that before, but I like it. I'd never really thought of it like that. I certainly don't like the type of pain when it's associated with fear - either punishment or things that startle me (stubbing my toe, serious injury, etc.).

I think people seem to think that enjoying pain means you enjoy *all* types of pain. Maybe there are a few masochists out there that enjoy stubbing their toe or getting in a car crash or what have you, but I'd bet it's a pretty seriously low number.

Pain also serves the purpose of catharsis. It helps me deal with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, guilt, sadness, mourning, anger, and other negative emotions. It helps me to release them. It helps me to cry when i need to but i've been fighting back the tears for too long or too hard so that i can't let them fall anymore.

Yup, that. After more anti-anxiety meds than I can even recall, every relaxation technique that exists, and then some, nothing can bring me down from anxiety and stress or depression like impact. less

Kira, that was a very graceful reply. I am generally punished in different (non-corporal) ways, but I agree that living 24/7 is a dynamic that has to do with so much more than just sex! For those of us that choose it, it's not just some weird "sex life" thing. And lots of people have elements to their sex lives (and relationships) that I would never choose, but that are perfectly valid to them!

But to get to the question at hand, I really enjoy caning! I have a beautiful one picked out for Sir this Christmas, and the real challenge will be saving it until then! less

See Kira's comments. i agree 100%. i'm a submissive in a D/s relationship. Punishment is part of my relationship and pain, whether as punishment or for pleasure, is a part of my life that i love and couldn't ever do without. Like Kira, this is about much MUCH more than sex. i'm a grown woman who has chosen to willingly and consensually submit to her Partner for mutual fulfillment and happiness. i agree to let Her punish my transgressions, when i break a rule, disobey an instruction, fail to do something to her standards, break ritual or protocol, or do something else that displeases her or, sometimes, because i've done something i don't feel good about and i ask her to punish me to absolve me of my guilt for whatever it is. This has nothing to do with my maturity level or age and everything to do with how i choose to have relationships. i agree, in writing, to every rule, ritual, protocol. i agree that i will do things her way and follow her instructions and do as she bids. This is how Wwe have chosen to structure Oour relationship and it works very well for both of Uus. My punishments may or may not include pain, but most often do not since i enjoy pain too much for it to really be effective. When it's punishment for something not directly related to her, obviously it doesn't negate my obligation to rectify whatever i've done to the best of my ability and to deal with any consequences of it, but once i've done that, sometimes the feelings still linger and i'm not always able to forgive myself, but through punishment, if my Mistress declares me sufficiently punished and absolved, than i must, by nature of my submission, forgive myself or i'd be disobeying her. This is of IMMENSE psychological benefit to me.
Like Kira says, punishment has little to do with age, or, for that matter, submission. Punishment may be administered by a parent or caregiver to a child, but punishments are also meted out by judges, juries, police, employers, supervisors, bill collectors, landlords, and countless other authorities, including, as Kira aptly points out, nature, also known as the universe, or simply, life. i, and many others, choose to allow a structure for punishment into my relationship because it makes sense to me and it feels right. For Uus, it helps us have a more balanced, peaceful relationship.
Pain has two main purposes in my life. Pain turns me on, it is pleasurable. For some, the pain itself is pleasurable. For many, the endorphins and the "high" that follow pain are worth the discomfort of the pain itself. For some, the act of submitting and letting someone hurt them is the turn on. It works differently for different people. For me, it's a combination of those things. i'm not turned on by stubbing my toe or jamming my finger or getting a papercut. i'm certainly not turned on by the dog that bites me at work (i'm a dog groomer) or scratches me with it's toenails. But being paddled, whipped, flogged, caned, even burned or cut, under the right circumstances, because i've submitted to accept it and am in the right mindset, with the right person whom i trust implicitly, it's a totally different ball game. A woman, a masochist, who taught a class on pain processing that i found intensely fascinating said, "What is pain without fear and shame? Merely intense sensation." Meaning that pain has a psychological association with feelings of fear and shame and negativity. Some of us don't have that connection or are able to overcome it until pain becomes merely an intense sensation that we have a capacity to enjoy. Pain also serves the purpose of catharsis. It helps me deal with stress, anxiety, self-doubt, guilt, sadness, mourning, anger, and other negative emotions. It helps me to release them. It helps me to cry when i need to but i've been fighting back the tears for too long or too hard so that i can't let them fall anymore. It lets me have a much needed release that is hard to find otherwise. Pain turns me on, it makes me feel good, it relaxes me, it clears my mind, it lightens the load on my shoulders, and has very good psychological benefits for me.
Neither submission nor pain work for everyone. In fact, i think people like Kira and i are in the minority in this, really. But for those of us who can enjoy it, it's magic. Others find their magic in other ways. less