The New Intimacy

Pixie Needs Some Advice...

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Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Pixie loves the Divinity Collar , and the matching Wrist and Ankle restraints , and as a plus, is all about the look of innocence, which they impart. But I'm having trouble figuring out how to hint to my boyfriend, who doesn't take hints well and most of the time prefers to be the more submissive one in our relationship (we are both switches, each having collared the other), that I like and want this collar and hopefully the matching set. I actually asked for my first collar, in person and right at the store, with it in my hand... And felt horrible. Asking for things is something I always have a very hard time doing, and often feel sorry or wrong for having done so later on. (It's a long story you probably don't want to read, but long story short, up until about a year ago my personal mantra was, "Good girls don't want," and I'm still learning it's okay.) I want this but don't want to ask, and feel like that again. Can anyone help...?

As an aside, he doesn't have an account here, and doesn't spend a lot of time here as a result. And when he does, it's more for new toys for us to play with. Collars he feels are better found at leather specialty places elsewhere, like Leather Etc. So he'd never just run across it by chance in a million years, probably.

So if anyone has any advice, please do more than vote, I'd love to chat and get some ideas on what to do. I'm kind of a nervous wreck over this. Thanks a lot in advance, everyone! ~Pixie
Answers (private voting - your screen name will NOT appear in the results):
Just ask him flat-out... If he's as nice as you say, he won't mind.
25  (18%)
E-mail him your wishlist!
102  (74%)
Leave the window open "by accident" and let him find it.
8  (6%)
Make some crazy big hints. He'll get it eventually, and you didn't have to straight-up ask.
2  (1%)
E-mail it anonymously from an account he doesn't know you have... That's not suspicious, really....
Just give it some time. If he knows you well enough he'll run across it and think, "Pixie would love this!"
Other (please explain)
1  (1%)
Total votes: 138
Poll is closed
12/05/2010
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Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Any suggestions via post would be wonderful. Thanks for the votes I already have
12/05/2010
Contributor: Love Buzz Love Buzz
Don't work yourself into a frenzy over it, although I know it's hard not to.

I'm kinda shy when it comes to introducing things into our sex life so I understand your hesitations. What I'd probably do is add a product or two you know he is interested in trying to a product comparison along with the items you would like to get.

Send it to him with a note about the toys you know he's into and add a bit about how you saw these other items and thought they would be fun too, asking if he'd be interested in trying them as well.

I know its hard to just straight up ask and risk being shot down, but if you do it in a round about way it might work better.

Good luck
12/05/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Love Buzz
Don't work yourself into a frenzy over it, although I know it's hard not to.

I'm kinda shy when it comes to introducing things into our sex life so I understand your hesitations. What I'd probably do is add a product or two you ... more
That's a great idea! Just one problem. I'm not certain how to make a product comparison. ^^;; Are you talking about opening a whole discussion? Or just using the "Add to Comparison" link under the shopping cart on an item, that I can do, and do often *nodnod*

It's not as if he'll be shooting me down. Whatever I want, within reasonable size and price range, I know he is willing to get me. It's more the asking... It's a very scary experience for me. I'm hypoglycemic and could end up in the hospital just for going too long between meals, but I get nervous and scared even when I have to ask him for food. So you can see why asking for something non-essential like a collar or minutes for my phone, which all go to talking to him anyway, are extremely stressful for me to ask for But I'm giving your suggestion some heavy consideration and I appreciate your help very much!
12/05/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
I was also thinking, I should have made this an option, but I'd completely forgotten about it... I could click the Facebook "Like" button on the collar's page, and hope he sees it that way... I don't know, does this whole thing seem... cowardly...?
12/05/2010
Contributor: Love Buzz Love Buzz
just hit add to comparison on each products page, then go to the top menu and hit compare (after adding all of the items) then it will give you the option to send to a friend on the left hand side.

The items appear from left to right in the order that you add them, so I;d start with an item or two he would like first then add yours.

Personally I'd steer away from the facebook like as I don't want to go sharing my sex toy desires with people like my mum! I actually have a seperate fb acct for my sex toy friends and activities.

& It isn't in anyway cowardly. It sounds like you have a D/S style relationship (which I know almost nothing about) but if your suggestions are for items that will enhance your play I'm sure he won't mind. If it isn't a D/S style relationship & you are scared to ask for food... get out of it!

hope this helps
12/05/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Love Buzz
just hit add to comparison on each products page, then go to the top menu and hit compare (after adding all of the items) then it will give you the option to send to a friend on the left hand side.

The items appear from left to right in the ... more
I think I might do that. It seems easy and I bet he would get the hint that way Actually I also have a separate Facebook for such things, so that wouldn't be an issue for me either. Facebook used to be where I would go to be myself, but when my mom joined, that went down the drain, so I made a second one. Go ahead and add me if you'd like, it SHOULD be on my main page, right...?

Our relationship is, at least to me, unique, because I haven't heart of anyone else like this... But its a little something like this. We are, first and foremost, boyfriend and girlfriend. Underneath that, we are both switches, which is a person who can be either a Dom/me or submissive. Occasionally we will do a little D/s play, and we have collared each other. And beneath that, which very few of our "irl" friends know, we are furries, into petplay, and we are each other's owner. That is the very most basic rundown of our relationship style.

And I must say, I think I may have misrepresented my situation to you, or confused you in some way. It is not because of him, that I am afraid to ask for food, or anything else. I'm sad to report I've been in some very bad relationships in the past, and it's because of them that I'm afraid, and much more submissive than even I like. He is teaching me how to feel and want and be again, and it's a slow process. We've been good for each other

Anyway thanks again for all your help. I already feel a lot better and I think I'm going to try it out your way. ^_^
12/05/2010
Contributor: onehotmomma onehotmomma
I hate asking for anything also, especially new toys. I went from being the independent money maker of our family, to the stay at home mama, and I've never been dependent on someone until now, and it's hard!!

I have found, if I ask nicely, or say, I wish I really had this ___ (fill in the blank) he is happy to oblige, he knows I fret over asking for things, so he makes it pretty painless and easy lol.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Victoria Victoria
I say just ask him for them as a gift - tell him how much you'd love to wear them, and that should be enough to make him see that you really want this set.
12/06/2010
Contributor: Mocha98 Mocha98
Communicate, communicate, communicate! Hope that helps!
12/06/2010
Contributor: Jobthingy Jobthingy
Quote:
Originally posted by Victoria
I say just ask him for them as a gift - tell him how much you'd love to wear them, and that should be enough to make him see that you really want this set.
Yep. Exactly what i was thinking
12/06/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
@onehotmomma55: I know what you mean about being independent, I try very hard not to rely on others. But I have never had much money, so he feels it's his responsibility to spoil me, and when I ask for things I feel like I'm taking advantage of his feelings! Lol ^^;;

@Victoria: That is much easier said than done

@Mocha98: That's awesome advice. We talk about everything, o at least he understands that it's hard, and he's so nice about it when I do end up asking for things, it's just so difficult to choke out the words sometimes...! ^^
12/06/2010
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
@onehotmomma55: I know what you mean about being independent, I try very hard not to rely on others. But I have never had much money, so he feels it's his responsibility to spoil me, and when I ask for things I feel like I'm taking advantage ... more
@Mocha98: That's awesome advice. We talk about everything, o at least he understands that it's hard, and he's so nice about it when I do end up asking for things, it's just so difficult to choke out the words sometimes...!


From what I understand - correct me if I am wrong - but a good Dom would pick up on this quirk of yours and incorporate asking for things into your session so you would be more likely to ask. Just because you ask doesn't mean he has to say or even will say yes.
12/13/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by PussyGalore
@Mocha98: That's awesome advice. We talk about everything, o at least he understands that it's hard, and he's so nice about it when I do end up asking for things, it's just so difficult to choke out the words sometimes...! ... more
Believe me, he knows, and we have been working for almost a year on getting me more comfortable with asking for things. And if you think I am bad now, you should have seen me then. I udes to visit for a few days at a time because he lives eighty miles away, and while there I never asked for anything, including food or to leave his room to use the bathroom until I was already too uncomfortable not to. Now I spend a week or two there at a time, and basic needs, and sometimes the occasional want, even a "Do you think we could do/get...?" will pass my mental block and make itself known to him. He's very proud of me for that. But I'm still a skittish kitty and try to ask things I'm fairly certain he will say yes to... The no isn't just, "Okay he said no, so next time maybe..." When someone tells me no, I take it personally and it messes me up for hours or even days. This is a pretty deep-seated problem, and of course he's helping as best he can, but twenty years of fear is hard to overcome in just one year of willing help.

I do appreciate all the help all you guys have offered, so thank you very much ^_^
12/13/2010
Contributor: PussyGalore PussyGalore
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
Believe me, he knows, and we have been working for almost a year on getting me more comfortable with asking for things. And if you think I am bad now, you should have seen me then. I udes to visit for a few days at a time because he lives eighty ... more
Very articulate. I understand. We're not in a strict D/s situation but I still find myself having a difficult time asking for something, especially if it's big. That I don't deserve it because I sit at home and mess around on the internet all day. Dinner is always ready when he comes home. He has my full attention day and night. For those things, he rewards me. We both know neither one of us have to be here or do these things with each other and after 14 years I can finally pout and even whine a little when I don't get my way.
12/13/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by PussyGalore
Very articulate. I understand. We're not in a strict D/s situation but I still find myself having a difficult time asking for something, especially if it's big. That I don't deserve it because I sit at home and mess around on the internet ... more
Oh my, no, neither are we in a strict D/s relationship. We are first and foremost boyfriend and girlfriend, and the other parts fill in the blanks where social "norms" leave us feeling empty or lost or wanting for something more. The way you describe your relationship sounds very close to ours. He works all day, almost every day, and I sit around playing video games and surfing the Internet. I do housework and I'm more than happy to cook him whatever he wants, whenever he wants, and unless he brings food home from the restaurant or we go out, I have dinner ready or close when he gets home. And he has my undivided attention and affection whenever he wants or needs it, and even when he doesn't. Fourteen years feels like a lifetime away, but I hope we make it last a good long time, if not forever. If this were a fairy tale, I'd say I think he's "The One." But this is real life, and he's as close as a real man can get. He loves me for me, and accepts my flaws, and wants to fix the brokenness that I've never let anyone see before him. And in return I try to offer him the same loving kindness he gives me. Eventually, together we can both be real, functioning, feeling people again. *nodnod*
12/13/2010
Contributor: Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
I have that collar and ankle restraings. Wrist restraints coming.

They are SO comfy. Girl, you need them! LOL I'd just ask.

If it's hard to do it verbally, write him a letter
12/13/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Jessica Elizabeth
I have that collar and ankle restraings. Wrist restraints coming.

They are SO comfy. Girl, you need them! LOL I'd just ask.

If it's hard to do it verbally, write him a letter
A... A letter? Hmmm... I wonder how that would go ^^;; Thanks for the idea
12/13/2010
Contributor: Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
A... A letter? Hmmm... I wonder how that would go ^^;; Thanks for the idea
No problem A lot of times I find it easier to express myself through writing rather than verbally. It allows you to think things through first to ensure you explain yourself properly
12/13/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Jessica Elizabeth
No problem A lot of times I find it easier to express myself through writing rather than verbally. It allows you to think things through first to ensure you explain yourself properly
That's a good point. Unfortunately when I do that... Well, if you read up, you'll see... I can get rather wordy ^^;;
12/13/2010
Contributor: Jessica Elizabeth Jessica Elizabeth
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
That's a good point. Unfortunately when I do that... Well, if you read up, you'll see... I can get rather wordy ^^;;
LOL So can i, but sometimes it's worth it.
12/13/2010
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
Quote:
Originally posted by Jessica Elizabeth
LOL So can i, but sometimes it's worth it.
Fair enough
12/14/2010
Contributor: Akanzi Akanzi
Spartacus runs link and link -- you could always have him design you a custom collar through there as well and make it a bit more personal, that way he feels more involved and it has more meaning between the both of you?
01/24/2011
Contributor: mama2007 mama2007
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
Pixie loves the Divinity Collar , and the matching Wrist and Ankle restraints , and as a plus, is all about the look of innocence, which they impart. But I'm having trouble figuring out how to hint to my boyfriend, who doesn't take hints well ... more
i dunno but good luck
01/24/2011
Contributor: MeliPixie MeliPixie
@Akanzi: I appreciate the help Unfortunately we have both looked at Collar Factory before (in fact I was there today) and he told me. Once he had a collar made there, and... It didn't last him very long. Now, he's not a very hard player, and he doesn't struggle once you've got his collar. But it simply, broke one day, seemingly for no reason.

@mama2007: Thank you! ^_^
01/26/2011
Contributor: Mr.RightNow Mr.RightNow
email
02/11/2011
Contributor: KatPawz2003 KatPawz2003
i personally take the approach of "wow this is beautiful, what do you think?" and they normally get the hint. then again i am normally with guys that know my taste better then me.
02/16/2011
Contributor: zeebot zeebot
Buy it yourself?
03/21/2011
Contributor: Pnutbuttatoast Pnutbuttatoast
You could always do what my girl does and wait till he is around and get on here and look at stuff. My girl is always on collecting points on here and she usually waits until I am around because she knows I will get curious and ask her what she is looking at that is making her so excited and I will do the same thing to her a lot too. I have quite a few ideas of gifts I want to get her because we are always sharing what we are looking at. It can also spark some ideas for fun things you two can do as well.
05/14/2011
Contributor: Petite Valentine Petite Valentine
Quote:
Originally posted by MeliPixie
Any suggestions via post would be wonderful. Thanks for the votes I already have
It kills me when we don't find out what happened in the end... Did he get the hint?
05/22/2011