The New Intimacy

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Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
I see a lot of threads on how to get started with BDSM. Frankly, I see a lot of equipment questions. I wanted to get the communities thoughts on what items would be the best (in your opinion) for a couple to consider when starting to enter into the more bondage/kinky side of things?

Any background comments/stories/recom mendations are welcome!
(I realize I kept this high level, I did not want a debate sparking between a whip and a cane!)
Answers (public voting - your screen name will appear in the results):
eri86 , TJtheMadHatter , FieryRed , Aishiteru , KrissyNovacaine , GONE! , solitudinarian , SydneyScreams , gorgeous , lexxxmoonchild , AliMc , Adriana Ravenlust , llellsee , Alan & Michele , mpfm , Lildrummrgurl7 , bratcat , karenm , ArcaneBlast , dancingduo , Bri9 , snowminx , ScarletFox , Smitten-Kitten , married with children , Robespierrethecat , LoneOokami , twelve13 , marshmallow , Ayogirl230 , LittleBun91 , matry , nyc cpl , Thong man , Airen Wolf , TransMarc , emilymileena , glassdoll , Bbiz , romandraws , HannahPanda , starrify , RTC , SecretKinksters , Cupcakers , Voir , Scott Ghost , Life's Little Secrets , Ziva , PinkSunsets , smuttyqueer , Slutty Girl Problems , Soundside46 , Ohiofun
54
gorgeous , bratcat , twelve13 , nyc cpl , emilymileena , Bbiz , PinkSunsets
7
SydneyScreams , gorgeous , Mont , lexxxmoonchild , Adriana Ravenlust , gwenevieve , Alan & Michele , dancingduo , ScarletFox , LittleBun91 , matry , cagypsy , Scott Ghost , Miss L , PinkSunsets , Slutty Girl Problems
16
FieryRed , Aishiteru , SydneyScreams , lexxxmoonchild , gwenevieve , ArcaneBlast , Robespierrethecat , LoneOokami , Ayogirl230 , nyc cpl , glassdoll , Bbiz , starrify , SecretKinksters , Voir , Scott Ghost , Life's Little Secrets , Miss L , PinkSunsets , Slutty Girl Problems , Ohiofun
21
FieryRed , SydneyScreams , gwenevieve , glassdoll , starrify , SecretKinksters , Scott Ghost , Life's Little Secrets , Miss L , PinkSunsets , Ohiofun
11
eri86 , TJtheMadHatter , FieryRed , Aishiteru , KrissyNovacaine , GONE! , solitudinarian , SydneyScreams , gorgeous , lexxxmoonchild , AliMc , Adriana Ravenlust , llellsee , gwenevieve , Alan & Michele , mpfm , Lildrummrgurl7 , karenm , ArcaneBlast , dancingduo , Bri9 , snowminx , mdnght , ScarletFox , married with children , Robespierrethecat , LoneOokami , GS500 , LittleBun91 , matry , nyc cpl , Airen Wolf , emilymileena , glassdoll , romandraws , HannahPanda , starrify , RTC , SecretKinksters , Cupcakers , Voir , Scott Ghost , Life's Little Secrets , Miss L , Ziva , PinkSunsets , Slutty Girl Problems , Soundside46 , Ohiofun
49
FieryRed , Aishiteru , solitudinarian , SydneyScreams , lexxxmoonchild , AliMc , Adriana Ravenlust , llellsee , Alan & Michele , Lildrummrgurl7 , ArcaneBlast , snowminx , ScarletFox , Smitten-Kitten , Robespierrethecat , LoneOokami , Airen Wolf , TransMarc , starrify , RTC , SecretKinksters , Life's Little Secrets , Ziva , smuttyqueer , Slutty Girl Problems , Soundside46
26
married with children
1
Robespierrethecat , twelve13 , nyc cpl , emilymileena , SecretKinksters , Cupcakers , Miss L , smuttyqueer , Soundside46 , Ohiofun
10
dancingduo , married with children , Robespierrethecat , Ayogirl230 , Voir , smuttyqueer , Ohiofun
7
Miss L
1
SydneyScreams , Adriana Ravenlust , gwenevieve , dancingduo , ScarletFox , married with children , Airen Wolf , emilymileena , romandraws , starrify , RTC , SecretKinksters , Voir , Scott Ghost , Life's Little Secrets , Ziva , PinkSunsets , Slutty Girl Problems
18
gorgeous , married with children , Voir
3
FieryRed , Aishiteru , GONE! , solitudinarian , SydneyScreams , gorgeous , ArcaneBlast , dancingduo , Robespierrethecat , emilymileena , glassdoll , RTC , SecretKinksters , Voir , Scott Ghost , PinkSunsets , smuttyqueer , Slutty Girl Problems
18
Total votes: 242 (60 voters)
Poll is open
05/18/2013
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Contributor: eri86 eri86
As someone who hasn't done any BDSM, but it curious about it, I'd want to start light. Just with being blindfolded or bound. And then blindfolded and bound, assuming I liked it, and go from there.

Both of which are things that could be done easily with thing from around the house. Like scarves and ties.
05/19/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
I voted for a set of bondage cuffs, a collar and leash, a blindfold, a soft flogger (or fluffy paddle), and fetish-type clothing or lingerie. Cuffs--the softer type--are an easy way to safely experience bondage, as they're difficult to over-tighten and can be released quickly. A collar and leash can help a couple get into the spirit of it, as can the fetish-wear. A soft flogger or fluffy paddle can be used to caress and tease as well as for impact play; and a blindfold, of course, simply heightens the other senses and the feeling of vulnerability.
05/19/2013
Contributor: KrissyNovacaine KrissyNovacaine
Leather, nylon, or neoprene cuffs are relatively safe and can be a lot of fun.
05/19/2013
Contributor: gorgeous gorgeous
I wrote a review of a beginners set that has restraints and a blinfold. You might want to check it out. Also there is the rolls of bondage tape that only sticks to its self and doesnt stick to the skin. It can also be great for beginners. If you dont want to spend money on something you could even start out by using household items as a blindfold and/or restraints.
05/19/2013
Contributor: Mont Mont
Bondage tape! Its not too scary for beginners and one roll can be used for restraining as well as blindfolding and gagging. You can also play around with it as fetish wear.
05/19/2013
Contributor: llellsee llellsee
I'd start with cuffs rather than rope til getting the hang of some rope techniques and would get a cheap blindfold and lightweight flogger to test the waters.
05/19/2013
Contributor: gwenevieve gwenevieve
Quote:
Originally posted by dancingduo
I see a lot of threads on how to get started with BDSM. Frankly, I see a lot of equipment questions. I wanted to get the communities thoughts on what items would be the best (in your opinion) for a couple to consider when starting to enter into the ... more
tape instead of rope, a collar and leash, definitely a blindfold, a (breathable) gag, and a small flogger or something similar
05/19/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
I disagree on the bondage tape--it isn't near as easy to quickly release a bound person from, unless the top has scissors on hand. Even then, trying to cut bondage tape on a wrist quickly, in panic mode, does not strike me as a very safe activity.
05/20/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
Great discussion! Hadn't thought of the PANIC scenario.
05/20/2013
Contributor: Mont Mont
Quote:
Originally posted by FieryRed
I disagree on the bondage tape--it isn't near as easy to quickly release a bound person from, unless the top has scissors on hand. Even then, trying to cut bondage tape on a wrist quickly, in panic mode, does not strike me as a very safe activity.
If you don't wrap them around multiple times they're pretty flimsy, which is normally a bad thing, but with a beginner it means you can pretty easily free yourself.
05/20/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Mont
If you don't wrap them around multiple times they're pretty flimsy, which is normally a bad thing, but with a beginner it means you can pretty easily free yourself.
Yes, but does bondage tape come with directions that say, "Do not wrap around wrists and ankles more than once, so your bottom can easily free him/herself if s/he needs to"?

In addition, I see that someone voted for rope. I would say that a slippery rope, like nylon, would be okay, as long as the person tying the knots knows how to tie one that's quickly releasable. I would never recommend cotton or hemp rope to a beginner.
05/20/2013
Contributor: lexxxmoonchild lexxxmoonchild
Quote:
Originally posted by FieryRed
I disagree on the bondage tape--it isn't near as easy to quickly release a bound person from, unless the top has scissors on hand. Even then, trying to cut bondage tape on a wrist quickly, in panic mode, does not strike me as a very safe activity.
There's a really important option missing from the poll list, and that's EMT scissors. Everyone who wants to do tape or rope play should have a pair on hand to avoid potential injury, even beginners. Velcro cuffs are a great options too but I think for some people they leave much to be desired.
05/20/2013
Contributor: Mont Mont
Quote:
Originally posted by FieryRed
Yes, but does bondage tape come with directions that say, "Do not wrap around wrists and ankles more than once, so your bottom can easily free him/herself if s/he needs to"?

In addition, I see that someone voted for rope. I would say ... more
Hmmm thats true. A lot of "beginner" products have some issues with directions. Handcuffs rarely warn about painful cuff marks if you lean your wrists on them. A lot of fuzzy cheap ones don't provide very good padding either and still are pretty painful.

Likewise, rope can cause rope-burn. Again, usually not warned against on the package. Not fun.

Perhaps some sort of padded velcro-cuff is the friendliest you can get. Maybe buckling padded cuffs if velcro might leave too much to be desired, as lexxxmoonchild said. These tend to get a bit costly compared to velcro stuff or bondage tape though.

I like your suggestion for a fluffy paddle. I didn't even think about beginner impact toys
05/20/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by lexxxmoonchild
There's a really important option missing from the poll list, and that's EMT scissors. Everyone who wants to do tape or rope play should have a pair on hand to avoid potential injury, even beginners. Velcro cuffs are a great options too but I ... more
Now THAT is an excellent suggestion.
05/21/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by Mont
Hmmm thats true. A lot of "beginner" products have some issues with directions. Handcuffs rarely warn about painful cuff marks if you lean your wrists on them. A lot of fuzzy cheap ones don't provide very good padding either and still ... more
Yep, and in addition to rope-burn, they can easily be tied too tightly, and the players may not realize circulation is being cut off until a body part turns purple...and at that point, it's swollen, and the knot has probably been tugged on and tightened. This stuff even happens to professionals.

By the way, my very first bondage accessory was my first boyfriend's white silk necktie...over 20 years ago.
05/21/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
Quote:
Originally posted by lexxxmoonchild
There's a really important option missing from the poll list, and that's EMT scissors. Everyone who wants to do tape or rope play should have a pair on hand to avoid potential injury, even beginners. Velcro cuffs are a great options too but I ... more
I think that is a great idea. But doesn't fit into what people like to start with--more safety related.
05/22/2013
Contributor: karenm karenm
I'd suggest cuffs and blindfolds. If you or your partner are into BDSM at all then you know these will get some use. Some other items listed, like a collar or leash, I'd suggest being sure that you're into before buying.
05/23/2013
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
None of these. The first piece of equipment i recommend for beginners is BOOKS! Read, learn, research! BDSM has so many facets. On the surface it seems like cuffs and blindfolds make great beginner items but if you don't know what you're doing, or even if you do, you can get into trouble with supposed "beginner" items. You might, for example, hit "landmine" or hidden, unknown triggers that could cause a major problem. Plus, just because you don't like cuffs doesn't mean you aren't into BDSM. There are plenty of other things you might like. Some very, very heavy, experienced, longtime BDSM players can't or don't want to be blindfolded or bound but might be into literally hundreds of other possibilities. Likewise with all the other pieces of equipment listed. There's no requisite gateway toys or activities. There's no rules about "if you don't like ___________, you must not be kinky so you better start there." The best way to start is to begin doing some research, look at some of the options, decide what interests you, learn about how to do that safely, and then proceed with practicing that skill and trying it out and purchasing something, IF NECESSARY. Buying equipment is never the first step in a BDSM journey. Learn yourself first, learn safety and technique second. Everything else comes after.
05/23/2013
Contributor: FieryRed FieryRed
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
None of these. The first piece of equipment i recommend for beginners is BOOKS! Read, learn, research! BDSM has so many facets. On the surface it seems like cuffs and blindfolds make great beginner items but if you don't know what you're ... more
Beautifully stated! I think a lot of our replies were based on the assumption that the beginner in question had already done this type of research. There is a BDSM Checklist online somewhere, and filling it out and discussing it with a potential play-partner is a great way to start learning about your interests.
05/24/2013
Contributor: charletnarouh charletnarouh
Quote:
Originally posted by FieryRed
Beautifully stated! I think a lot of our replies were based on the assumption that the beginner in question had already done this type of research. There is a BDSM Checklist online somewhere, and filling it out and discussing it with a potential ... more
i think that for any vein of play the prospective newbie is interested in, there are beginner items available, whether it's bondage, sensation, impact, sensory deprivation, temperature. Even most heavier edge stuff has lower level starting places or at least ways to begin experimenting with some of the elements of that type of play. Finding out what they are interested in and learning about it and the safety factors involved should come before purchases are made. I see a lot of responses to the "how do I get started in BDSM" posts that say "buy some cuffs and a blindfold" and that's just a really surface-y kind of answer to a really broad question. The checklist, whether online or using versions available in several excellent books, is a great tool to start a dialogue with a partner or do some personal introspection, but should still be followed by some research and education before purchasing toys.
05/24/2013
Contributor: dancingduo dancingduo
Quote:
Originally posted by charletnarouh
i think that for any vein of play the prospective newbie is interested in, there are beginner items available, whether it's bondage, sensation, impact, sensory deprivation, temperature. Even most heavier edge stuff has lower level starting places ... more
Wonderfully stated. But again, this assumes you have done your research and want to get started.
05/25/2013
Contributor: mdnght mdnght
Quote:
Originally posted by dancingduo
I see a lot of threads on how to get started with BDSM. Frankly, I see a lot of equipment questions. I wanted to get the communities thoughts on what items would be the best (in your opinion) for a couple to consider when starting to enter into the ... more
Well, I voted blindfolds, but I suppose it all depends on what aspect of BDSM excites whoever is looking into it the most!
05/26/2013
Contributor: married with children married with children
cuffs are a good place to start. maybe a blindfold and gag as well.
06/08/2013
Contributor: LoneOokami LoneOokami
Cuffs with an easy release and a blindfold for a bit of sensory deprivation would be a good place to start, you get the hint of danger but nothing to hardcore.
06/15/2013
Contributor: marshmallow marshmallow
cuffs are an easy start.
06/18/2013
Contributor: LittleBun91 LittleBun91
cuffs are a must!
07/11/2013
Contributor: nyc cpl nyc cpl
Quote:
Originally posted by eri86
As someone who hasn't done any BDSM, but it curious about it, I'd want to start light. Just with being blindfolded or bound. And then blindfolded and bound, assuming I liked it, and go from there.

Both of which are things that could be ... more
scarves, rope, blindfolds, clothespin are good enough to start with
07/21/2013
Contributor: nyc cpl nyc cpl
Quote:
Originally posted by LittleBun91
cuffs are a must!
and blindfolds
07/21/2013
Contributor: nyc cpl nyc cpl
Quote:
Originally posted by married with children
cuffs are a good place to start. maybe a blindfold and gag as well.
agree and some rope
07/21/2013