The New Intimacy

Is "no" a safeword?

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Contributor: SubmissiveFeminist SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it.

Is this something that goes for you? Do you have established safewords? What are they? If your sub said "no" or if you told your Dominant "no" would you/they respect it or does it need to be a specific word to stop the scene?
03/11/2012
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Contributor: Roz W Roz W
As a general rule, "no" is a safeword if there isn't another established safeword. I don't play super hard, so I'm generally in "ouch means ouch" territory, where I stop if someone communicates that they're uncomfortable in any way.

I was under the impression that the purpose of safewords wasn't "my partner gets to ignore me saying no" but that if someone wants to do scenes where they yell/scream/get hurt/look like they don't like it/say "no, don't do that" and have a partner do it to them anyway (because that's what they want out of the scene)...then a safeword gives them a safe "out."
03/11/2012
Contributor: Princess-Kayla ♥ Princess-Kayla ♥
I don't think that "no" should ever be a safeword. Sometimes when you just say no, you don't really mean it. Or it's not as easy to hear. That's the whole point of safewords, I think.
03/11/2012
Contributor: Pixel Pixel
'No' is not a safe word. Neither is 'Damnit, that hurts!' or 'OW! I hate you!' They are all words/phrases I might use during a scene, so my safeword is something that I would not normally say.
03/15/2012
Contributor: blixa blixa
I think if there's no other safeword, "no" should always be listened to, but if I'm in a scene, stuff like "no!" or "stop!" is plenty likely to come out of my mouth or my partner's just involuntarily or as part of the play. (To be honest, if it was my first time with a partner, I'd probably let up a little, if not stop, if I heard them saying "no" when we had a safeword -- it's like a yellow light until I know what's likely to come out of their mouth in the midst of passion.)
03/15/2012
Contributor: Mia.The.Wonder.Slut Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever feel uncertain about the comfort level, he/she will say "status check," to which the sub will respond with "green" which means everything is good, "yellow" which means it's okay but it's pushing the boundaries, or "red" which means no I'm not comfortable with that. Also, if the sub feels uncomfortable at anytime, he/she can say "red" without being prompted with a status check, and that action ends. It's a really good system and I recommend it for beginners
03/18/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
well it depends on the people involved and the scene or whatever. it's just something that needs to be established beforehand
03/19/2012
Contributor: tigertiger tigertiger
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
oh i like the status check idea
03/19/2012
Contributor: blixa blixa
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
I like the concept of a status check! (I admit, I'm a really nervous person, even when I'm in that dommy space, so I like the idea of a more scene-appropriate way of asking how the bottom's doing than "how's it going down there?")
03/19/2012
Contributor: Ciao. Ciao.
The green/yellow/red status check system seems like a really fantastic way to keep things working well. Using "no" or "stop" as a safe word might work in some circumstances, but they are the same kind of words you might want to vocalize to heighten the scene without actually intending your partner to stop.
03/19/2012
Contributor: xGOLDx xGOLDx
I think "no" is something that should be payed attention to if in a scene, but is not the best safe word to establish. It can just come up to easy. I like random words like "avocado" instead. But I'm all for the dom constantly checking in with their partner, there are more cues than just verbal to look for on how the scene is going.
03/20/2012
Contributor: Errant Venture Errant Venture
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
That's a really good system.
03/20/2012
Contributor: SexysaurousRex SexysaurousRex
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
i really like this system. and will probably use it in the future. thanks
03/20/2012
Contributor: TheSinDoll TheSinDoll
"No" is not a safeword.

Establish one with your partner before any type of play. Also, discuss the type of play you want/expect. This is called negotiating a scene.

Welcome to the world of kink. Be prepared to think, speak, and never assume.
03/22/2012
Contributor: TheGreat TheGreat
"No" can be a safe word if that is what you and your partner establish. My partner and I have a funny story behind our safe word so that we end up laughing and everything stops hands down. Safe words just depend on how you work with someone.
03/22/2012
Contributor: MistressDandelion MistressDandelion
"No" or "stop" are not proper safe words because they can lead to interpretation. The dom has to see if the "no" was a real no or more of a playful no. If the dom misinterpret things and sees the sub as being cocky and continues the action and even punish the sub for having said no, it's a problem. The red/yellow/green system is a good one, even if I never used it bedause I'd rather ask "are you alright?" and have a clear yes/no answer. It's better to use something that's very uncommon to say during sex, like the other used said. That way, it can't be seen as a playful refusal.
03/23/2012
Contributor: Oliver Gray Oliver Gray
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
In any situation, I'm always very careful to feel out the situation so that everyone feels safe. Consent is extremely important. I am Dominant, and I care so much that everything is safe in a consensual sense. I would listen if my sub said no, though the word doesn't tend to come up much.
03/23/2012
Contributor: Boyqueen Boyqueen
I think that "no" is too easy to use since it's so incorporated in to everyday speech. And, just as others have said, it can be misinterpreted between people.
07/11/2012
Contributor: FindingJames FindingJames
I think a safeword should be whatever you want it to be, but it can be too easy. Also, they might not think you're that serious about not wanted it do it. Try to pick something that definitely means "no".
07/11/2012
Contributor: Bittenflame Bittenflame
no is definately always a no
07/11/2012
Contributor: Billie Bones Billie Bones
Quote:
Originally posted by blixa
I like the concept of a status check! (I admit, I'm a really nervous person, even when I'm in that dommy space, so I like the idea of a more scene-appropriate way of asking how the bottom's doing than "how's it going down there?")
I like that, too. Quick and easy but super effective.
07/12/2012
Contributor: Mikemanz Mikemanz
Quote:
Originally posted by Mia.The.Wonder.Slut
"No" is on general a really bad safe word. My partner and I picked one that would normally never be said during sex or play: "cookies". Also, the BDSM group I play with has a pre-established safe word system. If a dom should ever ... more
Been reading a few of these advice bits about safewords and this really sounds like smart play. Thanks
07/14/2012
Contributor: gsfanatic gsfanatic
No is a good safe word if want it to always mean no. If you want to do roleplay where you give preconsent and can play by saying no, than you want to establish a new word.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Boyfriend Boyfriend
No is not a safe word in my relationship. My sub says no all the time, but it doesn't mean NO really. You should establish safe words with your dom that are clear.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Izzaba Izzaba
No is not a good word,but you and you Dom need to talk it over and choice one that works for you and if it is No than go for it. But remember if you do roleplay you may need have a back up word is good to have.
I use Red as mine it works for me and any Doms I have had, and if they don't want one DON'T play.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Izzaba Izzaba
Quote:
Originally posted by SubmissiveFeminist
I'm a submissive, and damn proud of it but I tend to never have to establish a safeword. In my book, no is ALWAYS no. I'm all for having fun and even resisting but my Dominant needs to be aware that I will only say no if I damn-well mean it. ... more
That is so cool that you have not have to have any thing more that "NO" as your word. You are very lucky.
07/15/2012
Contributor: wwwww wwwww
'No' would not be a very reliable safe word. It's best to use one that you both agree one that would disrupt the mood of the situation instantly. Something strange that you wouldn't normally say. If anything, use a backup word just incase.
07/15/2012
Contributor: Falsepast Falsepast
It can be, but I highly suggest a different word.
07/16/2012
Contributor: GONE! GONE!
It can be, yeah, but I would have another one in place that really REALLY would snap someone out of scene and stop them fast so they know something is really wrong and not just something that can be fixed quickly.
07/16/2012
Contributor: AriaRN AriaRN
No, it should not be a safeword
07/16/2012