I usually need to encourage my partner to push more rather than back off.

Hyacinthgirl, that's terrible. I'm glad you're out of there.


I've safeworded plenty of times, but the two below are the ones I remember clearly:

In one, he pulled me over and started spanking me hard and fast, with no warning. I called the safeword, but he was going so fast that he got five or six more blows in before it registered to him what I'd said and that I needed it to stop. I was pretty mad at him for that, even though it wasn't really his fault. We learned from that experience that fast and unexpected do not mix for me when it comes to pain. I can handle one or the other, but not both.

In the second, we'd been doing an intense scene that had lasted a long time. I thought we were done and was mentally and emotionally ready to come out of it, when he said he wanted to give me one more spank. I said I couldn't take any more and used the safeword, and he coaxed me, promised it wouldn't be too much, and said 'Trust me'. I was so deep in subspace at the time, that I heard it as an order and saw only option 1: "Let him do it" or Option 2: "Tell him you don't trust him". I was completely unable to work out option 3: "Tell him you do trust him, but that you have better information than he does about what you're able to take." or option 4: "Say, 'No, you trust ME, dammit!'" So I let him do it. The spank was so gentle that it can't even really be called such - more of a tiny tap or caress - but it threw me into a complete meltdown. I'm still not sure in retrospect whether it was because he crossed the limit I'd set or if I was just in sensory overload or both. After the meltdown, I let him know (rather vehemently) that he is never ever to try to coax me past my limits when I'm in subspace, either our pre-agreed limits, or anything I've safeworded on at the time. He was very properly contrite about it, and agreed that he shouldn't have done it. He was so sure that his tap would cause no physical pain (which it didn't) that he didn't think of the emotional consequences.

Those are the only two times my safeword was crossed, which is why I remember them. But I've used it plenty of other times. Partly because I'm a pain wimp, partly because what works for me one day will be absolutely no-go on another, and partly because there just hasn't been the time put in for us to develop the sort of couple telepathy that other people here seem to have.

Sure. I've used it in the past when anything went past my comfort zone, to impress that it was a genuine stop. It was never anything huge, just things that maybe weren't quite right at the time for whatever reason.

yes luckyly just once

I've never had to use one, however my partner isn't into anything very extreme, and neither am I. There have been times however that he's stopped right before it got to a point that I might need to use a safe word.

We use the traffic light system, and I've called yellow, but never red, but I would if I needed to.