Perceptive forum discussions on Oral sex enhancers:

Do you prefer to use flavored lube, or go without?
Flavored lube or none?

Flavored lube and anosmia?
(Hope this is the right place to post this). I've discovered that I need extra lubrication to really enjoy someone going down on me. Because of...

Oral for the Uncircumcised
In my experience, uncircumcised men seem to be more sensitive and, sometimes, a tad nervous about tearing when getting a blow job (understandably,...

HELP!!!! I need to convince my boyfriend to give me Oral Sex
My boyfriend and i hav been together almost 3years (today is our 2year and 11month anniversary..So September 9th is gonna be exactly 3years!). Anyway,

Best flavored lubes if doing oral while playing with anus???
I often have a finger in my guys rear if I am doing oral on him as part of overall sex play. and often do a little licking back there too (we always..

i was never spanked as a kid

There's definitely a distinction between spanking and the type of corporal punishment that correlates to deviant behavior later in life.

Theres a big difference but it is linked I think

I was spanked, hit, and verbally abused as a child. I don't know how much that plays into my current kinks and truly I don't think about it too much. If I related what I like back to my asshole dad, it might ruin it for me. lol I know there are plenty of people on both the D and s or S and M side that have not been abused, so I think it brings all walks of life. Do those who have been spanked or abused tend to it more? Hard to say.

Also - "deviant behavior"? WTF?! Isn't that more used for actual illegal activity, not just being kinky?

I was not spanked as a child. I am submissive, but definitely not masochistic.

I was abused and am a switch. *shrugs*

I was abused as a child, and my mom used to try and stop my dad from taking the belt to me, and she'd notice that rather than cry from it hurting she remembers I would try to grab it from him and just scream rather than cry. I have something called IED, which can cause uncontrollable violent tendencies...IF not controlled WHICH they very well are. My psychiatrist thinks that while it was genetic, it's possible that being hit as a child could've triggered it, because that was when the typical actions you see in someone with IED began.

I feel there IS a link, but I think there also needs to be something underlying in some cases. Either way, I think it can be traumatizing. Spanking when a child does something that warrants it is one thing in my opinion, but abuse is very dangerous.

My psychiatrist also felt that part of the reason I used to hurt and abuse myself was due to the abuse I went through as a child.

All I can say, glad I'm better now it just took a sweet, more dominant but patient and kind guy in my life to set me straight

Spanking is fine. Beating is not. I was spanked and it only made me a better child. Besting is not appropriate on the other hand.

I think there can be a link but as Peggi said I think it wouldn't be brought out unless there was an already underlying tendency and/or it can be a conscious way to deal with those feelings of helplessness in a positive, consensual way.
I definitely link my kink with what I suffered as a child BUT I was always into humiliation and being restrained consensually even as a child (I just knew it made me feel good. Didn't even link it with sex.), and I don't feel like I'm sexually broken or some crap like that. If anything being into kink has been healing since it lets me take back control and give up control consensually.

I am 100% against spanking of children though. It fucked me up emotionally, not sexually.

I was only spanked once or twice, so I put no. I was yelled at a lot, however. Some people's kinks seem to stem from abuse (though, I think a lot of the time people are just trying to find causal links wherever they can), but it is in no way a universal thing.

I won't spank my future kids. I can't help associating it with sex.

I was spanked a few times, but mom said I was so hardheaded that if I had my mind set to I was going to do it, then the spanking wouldn't have no effect.

I did post that link, and I believe most of it. I am capable of logical thought. I think rational, thinking people can tease out working parts of information from a mass of dialogue.

I refuse to knee jerk and use rationalization to protect my own poor behaviors in the past. I don't believe simply because I once did something (the few times my children were hit) means I have to protect those poor choices for the rest of my life. I was wrong for EVER hitting my kids. PERIOD.

Is there a link between enjoying BDSM and childhood spanking? I can't say. Most likely not. I think it's OK to post a good piece of argument where most of the information is valuable, like this piece. I don't believe it causes shame at all. Why would it? It would only be "shameful" if you KNEW you were wrong.

As for those who believe this is shame. What about all the other peer reviewed articles that prove damage to children with proven statistical significance? I posted at least 15 out of more than 80 pieces of published, proven articles and studies. Is science to be ignored in the face of our wanting to keep our face?

I have NO shame for engaging in Rough Play, and yes I was hit as a child. Do I think the two are linked? I'm not sure. It certainly isn't the ONLY reason I like such play. Did it cause arousal as a child? Yes. I can't deny that. But, a lot of people who were hit as children never develop a taste for BDSM. I think a lot of desire for impact or rough play is hard wired.

However, the rest of the article is quite compelling. I DO feel shame for hitting my kids the few times it happened and I feel my response is appropriate for the circumstances, as I was NOT behaving as an adult at those moments, but dwelling into the deepest depths of rage and displaced anger and even revenge. Those should never be vented onto a child, I take full responsibility for the few times I lost control of myself and I feel fully and rightfully shameful for doing such a thing to innocent children.

But, there are more recent studies (this article you are referring to was not a study but an overview of and interpretation of the literature. There is a huge difference when one is looking for reference material.

Research gives us facts. Overviews interpret those facts. One needs to be able to do both, and know when to accept FACT but sometimes look at other people's interpretations with an educated mind and eye.

Copperhead, what you and others describe is SOOO typical. Kids at first, respond to being hit. Then, they realize it is bullshit and continue to do the behaviors. Some parents respond by hitting harder and more frequently (with disastrous results) others do what your parents did, realize their error and change their strategy.

Then behavior changes for the better in the child.

Several of the other studies I quoted in the other thread make it clear, hitting doesn't result in lasting behavior changes for the better. It may and usually DOES stop a child dead in their tracks, but it doesn't teach them HOW to behave, and the effects of pain are not long lasting on the behaviors they were meant to change. However, the effects of pain and humiliation that being subjected to corporal punishment brings does have a lasting effect on many children into adulthood. THAT was the point of most of the articles I quoted.