Recently, I’ve had a couple people from the EdenFantasys community message me, finding me on my blog and other websites wondering where I was. Wondering why I wasn’t writing. So I think first and foremost I want to thank those people. I had no idea my absence was not only noticed but also missed. Way to give a girl warm fuzzies!
The reason, however that I didn’t write for a long time was because my owner let me go. It was hard and writing was just not in the forefront of my mind.
Since then he and I have reconciled, however it’s still rocky. I’m still a little bit on guard hoping we don’t go our separate ways again. When we did though, I discovered something. We as a kink community have put a lot of effort into teaching safety to the newbies. We’ve worked hard at being welcoming and helpful to those just dipping their toes in. What about those that have been in the lifestyle for years? Those that have been in that forever relationship, been owned lock, stock and barrel, and had it blow up?
I know, I know. Most of you wonderfully kinky, owned folks are reading that thinking “It won’t happen. Being owned is forever!”
What if it’s not though? Yes, being owned is like being married, some are both owned and married…but you can get a divorce. A collar can be taken off a throat. It’s scary to think about. It really is.
One also doesn’t want to go down that owned road with the mindset “Well, if this fails I’ll do ____ and ___,” At least most subs I talk to don’t. They think it undermines the relationship. Some do plan that way, but what about those who don’t?
There is not one single resource for newly unowned submissives/slaves. How do you deal with not being owned anymore? How do you get out of the owners routine, out of their control? How do you deal with being a mess? What if the ownership was so complete this person is now left with no money, no home and no job prospects? It happens.
When I was released I went to the EF forums to talk and vent. My friends were supportive but most of them have never lost an owner, and those who had didn't have advice on how to move on other than “time.”
Upon posting I was informed that some owners actually helped the property/sub/slave readjust. They helped them transition back into the world and out of their command. Which is great, but doesn’t always happen. So, I have put together a list of things that helped me. These wont work for everybody but it’s a jumping off point. If you have other ways of coping, please feel free to add them to the comments.
The reason, however that I didn’t write for a long time was because my owner let me go. It was hard and writing was just not in the forefront of my mind.
Since then he and I have reconciled, however it’s still rocky. I’m still a little bit on guard hoping we don’t go our separate ways again. When we did though, I discovered something. We as a kink community have put a lot of effort into teaching safety to the newbies. We’ve worked hard at being welcoming and helpful to those just dipping their toes in. What about those that have been in the lifestyle for years? Those that have been in that forever relationship, been owned lock, stock and barrel, and had it blow up?
I know, I know. Most of you wonderfully kinky, owned folks are reading that thinking “It won’t happen. Being owned is forever!”
What if it’s not though? Yes, being owned is like being married, some are both owned and married…but you can get a divorce. A collar can be taken off a throat. It’s scary to think about. It really is.
One also doesn’t want to go down that owned road with the mindset “Well, if this fails I’ll do ____ and ___,” At least most subs I talk to don’t. They think it undermines the relationship. Some do plan that way, but what about those who don’t?
There is not one single resource for newly unowned submissives/slaves. How do you deal with not being owned anymore? How do you get out of the owners routine, out of their control? How do you deal with being a mess? What if the ownership was so complete this person is now left with no money, no home and no job prospects? It happens.
When I was released I went to the EF forums to talk and vent. My friends were supportive but most of them have never lost an owner, and those who had didn't have advice on how to move on other than “time.”
Upon posting I was informed that some owners actually helped the property/sub/slave readjust. They helped them transition back into the world and out of their command. Which is great, but doesn’t always happen. So, I have put together a list of things that helped me. These wont work for everybody but it’s a jumping off point. If you have other ways of coping, please feel free to add them to the comments.
As always results may vary.
What worked for me may not work for you. Whether you had a Dom/Domme/Master/Owner/Top/etc., there will be something that works for you. You just have to take the time to find it.
Sometimes curling up in a ball and licking your wounds helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Breakups are all hard whether it’s vanilla or kinky. There are just different issues to contend with.
It will take time. For a while you will still go to do things your owners way, will still instinctively follow rules and/or still feel like theirs. Push through it. Us submissive types feel things deeper than most. We are also stronger than most. You have to be in this lifestyle. You’ll make it through!
Sometimes curling up in a ball and licking your wounds helps, sometimes it doesn’t. Breakups are all hard whether it’s vanilla or kinky. There are just different issues to contend with.
It will take time. For a while you will still go to do things your owners way, will still instinctively follow rules and/or still feel like theirs. Push through it. Us submissive types feel things deeper than most. We are also stronger than most. You have to be in this lifestyle. You’ll make it through!
props to you for pushing through, and for sharing these intimate ideas with us.
Thanks Alice. It's since fallen through for various reasons but we're still friends and the possibility is there in the future. Vaguely cathartic reading this since I wrote it weeks ago. It was a nice reminder to me