Personally, I'll probably end up at the Nerd Love event in New York City this year, because as people say “New Year's is drinking for amateurs,” Valentine's Day is dating for amateurs. Kristen and I have an ongoing date night on Fridays, where we try to set aside our week and do something fun together, or have a little mini-New York adventure, or just go out to eat and enjoy each other. It hasn't exactly been romance-central around my apartment this past month (mostly because I have been sick, and then she caught it too, of course), but I think it's important to keep up the small romantic gestures and statements of gratitude.
But still, regardless of whether Valentine's Day is a cheesy version of what you do frequently, or if you see it as a waste because you celebrate your love every day, or if you use it as an excuse to get extra-sappy with your partner or your lovers or your favorite pet. Or if you love it because it reminds you to express your feelings, or if you're single and celebrate it as “single's awareness day,” or if you take part in the feminist V-day campaigns, there's usually some reason to celebrate something on Valentine's Day.
And me, I like the excuse to make grand gestures of care and affection and adoration. I like giving gifts. Probably more than I like receiving them, actually. (Go figure; that aligns quite well with my service top identity. So I'm a gift top too? Ha.) I love it, really. I am one of those overly-observational people who constantly takes mental notes on all sorts of conversations with all sorts of people, and I keep lists in my notebook. Sometimes I go overboard, especially when I can afford it and when I'm inspired, but usually I try to keep it within what the relationship can hold.
Have I explained my philosophies about relationships and gifts? I didn't think so. I've heard a common theory that relationships actually have three parts: me, you, and the relationship itself. And all of those parts have needs, sometimes differing needs. Similar to that, each of those aspects of the relationship can hold certain things at certain times. As the two people in the relationship build trust, support, respect, memories, and all of those good things, the relationship itself gets stronger, has a stronger foundation to build other things, and it can hold more.
But in the beginning, it cannot hold many things. It can't necessarily hold grand gestures. It isn't strong enough, even if the two individuals are incredibly strong (and in love, and committed, and certain of the longevity of the relationship—all of that). The relationship itself needs time to grow before it can receive big things. So big gifts—whatever that might be in your love language, be it monetary gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or words of affection—might actually be too much for the relationship to handle, and it will sag and bend or break under the pressure of a gift that it cannot hold. Make sense? This is why declaring undying love or buying diamond rings too early on in a relationship can actually cause more damage than good, at least in many cases.
So, though I have a tendency to give big and impressive and well thought-out gifts, I try to also keep it within the scope of the relationship, whatever that might be. I've certainly over-gifted in the past—and under-gifted, for that matter. But now that my relationship with my other girlfriend, Kristen, is pretty steady, and we just hit our two-year mark a few months ago, the grand gestures are pretty welcome as we are settling in to building a domestic life together. The mundane day-to-day has to be offset with at least occasional romantic gestures.
But still, regardless of whether Valentine's Day is a cheesy version of what you do frequently, or if you see it as a waste because you celebrate your love every day, or if you use it as an excuse to get extra-sappy with your partner or your lovers or your favorite pet. Or if you love it because it reminds you to express your feelings, or if you're single and celebrate it as “single's awareness day,” or if you take part in the feminist V-day campaigns, there's usually some reason to celebrate something on Valentine's Day.
And me, I like the excuse to make grand gestures of care and affection and adoration. I like giving gifts. Probably more than I like receiving them, actually. (Go figure; that aligns quite well with my service top identity. So I'm a gift top too? Ha.) I love it, really. I am one of those overly-observational people who constantly takes mental notes on all sorts of conversations with all sorts of people, and I keep lists in my notebook. Sometimes I go overboard, especially when I can afford it and when I'm inspired, but usually I try to keep it within what the relationship can hold.
Have I explained my philosophies about relationships and gifts? I didn't think so. I've heard a common theory that relationships actually have three parts: me, you, and the relationship itself. And all of those parts have needs, sometimes differing needs. Similar to that, each of those aspects of the relationship can hold certain things at certain times. As the two people in the relationship build trust, support, respect, memories, and all of those good things, the relationship itself gets stronger, has a stronger foundation to build other things, and it can hold more.
But in the beginning, it cannot hold many things. It can't necessarily hold grand gestures. It isn't strong enough, even if the two individuals are incredibly strong (and in love, and committed, and certain of the longevity of the relationship—all of that). The relationship itself needs time to grow before it can receive big things. So big gifts—whatever that might be in your love language, be it monetary gifts, acts of service, quality time, physical touch, or words of affection—might actually be too much for the relationship to handle, and it will sag and bend or break under the pressure of a gift that it cannot hold. Make sense? This is why declaring undying love or buying diamond rings too early on in a relationship can actually cause more damage than good, at least in many cases.
So, though I have a tendency to give big and impressive and well thought-out gifts, I try to also keep it within the scope of the relationship, whatever that might be. I've certainly over-gifted in the past—and under-gifted, for that matter. But now that my relationship with my other girlfriend, Kristen, is pretty steady, and we just hit our two-year mark a few months ago, the grand gestures are pretty welcome as we are settling in to building a domestic life together. The mundane day-to-day has to be offset with at least occasional romantic gestures.
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