As our society is becoming more influenced by the ideas of gender equality, the question of what is appropriate for a man to do and what a woman should do comes into question. After all, many women currently have their own jobs and work to have their own incomes. Should men still be held responsible and expected to shoulder the financial burdens? Even in such small things as paying for the first meal?
I count myself as someone who has been greatly influenced by the media. When I was young, I had expected that a prince would suddenly appear before me and whisk me away to a great happily ever after. I realized soon enough that this was not the case. Finding the right person can be a daunting task and so much of it is based on luck. But for me, there is still a princely quality that I need to find in my opposite. It’s very important for him to have some sort of good disposable income, and to me that is represented in him being able to pay for my meals at the beginning at the very least.
Paying for my meal shows me a few things about a guy. First, for those who are not that well off, it shows me that he is willing to invest in me monetarily, even if it’s small. After all, it weeds out all the guys who just want to play around but do not have the means to do so. Additionally, if it turns out the guy is a douchebag, he had paid some dues as well. Although this may not seem like a great reason, I still find it important. Paying for me is like investing in me, so it shows that the guy has some level of interest.
Second, paying for me tells me that he is not overly stingy with his money. As a woman, I would like to be surprised with gifts every once in a while. I know that I would buy items for a guy I like when I see something, so it would not fare well with me if I am stuck with a guy who is so stingy that he would not pay for my meal.
Another similar point is that it will also help show how generous the guy is, especially when it’s time to decide the tip. Some guys calculate out a very clear mathematically sound tip, whereas others just give generous ones. To me, such signs will show how tight the guy is with his money in the future and how ready he is to spend on random activities or items.
Third, it gives me a sense that the guy can be a provider. In this day and age, I am not expecting to live off the guy for the rest of my life. In reality, I have considered that I may earn more than my future husband, simply because I see the career path that I will go down. Regardless, I still appreciate the notion that a guy will make a good amount of money. I usually over-think things and go into the far, far future, but in this case, it’s important to me that a guy will be able to make good money in case anything happens in the future.
I expect a guy to be able to be the sole provider for periods of time, especially since the woman will be busy having kids and taking care of them to a certain extent. While this is perhaps too much analysis for the first date, the feeling of security is important to me, and maybe to other woman out there as well.
Some men fear that paying for the first date basically places them in a state where they are always expected to pay in the future. I do not believe that this is the case. Paying for the first date, or the first few dates, is very different from paying for the rest of all the dates. I do not expect a guy that I am in a meaningful relationship with to pay for everything, especially if I am also making money. I think guys will only have to start worrying if it seems that for an extended period of the time, the woman just expects everything to be paid for her. But, if this is the case, they can either have a talk to get things in the clear or end the relationship. I believe that at this point in time in our society, women who have done well for themselves do not expect to rely solely on their partner. They are pretty independent for themselves and will display that down the road.
Hence, I believe that men should definitely pay for the first dates. This is a part of chivalry that is still prized. If anything, it also forces men to actually choose women they really like, which is a good message for the ladies out there.
I count myself as someone who has been greatly influenced by the media. When I was young, I had expected that a prince would suddenly appear before me and whisk me away to a great happily ever after. I realized soon enough that this was not the case. Finding the right person can be a daunting task and so much of it is based on luck. But for me, there is still a princely quality that I need to find in my opposite. It’s very important for him to have some sort of good disposable income, and to me that is represented in him being able to pay for my meals at the beginning at the very least.
Paying for my meal shows me a few things about a guy. First, for those who are not that well off, it shows me that he is willing to invest in me monetarily, even if it’s small. After all, it weeds out all the guys who just want to play around but do not have the means to do so. Additionally, if it turns out the guy is a douchebag, he had paid some dues as well. Although this may not seem like a great reason, I still find it important. Paying for me is like investing in me, so it shows that the guy has some level of interest.
Second, paying for me tells me that he is not overly stingy with his money. As a woman, I would like to be surprised with gifts every once in a while. I know that I would buy items for a guy I like when I see something, so it would not fare well with me if I am stuck with a guy who is so stingy that he would not pay for my meal.
Another similar point is that it will also help show how generous the guy is, especially when it’s time to decide the tip. Some guys calculate out a very clear mathematically sound tip, whereas others just give generous ones. To me, such signs will show how tight the guy is with his money in the future and how ready he is to spend on random activities or items.
Third, it gives me a sense that the guy can be a provider. In this day and age, I am not expecting to live off the guy for the rest of my life. In reality, I have considered that I may earn more than my future husband, simply because I see the career path that I will go down. Regardless, I still appreciate the notion that a guy will make a good amount of money. I usually over-think things and go into the far, far future, but in this case, it’s important to me that a guy will be able to make good money in case anything happens in the future.
I expect a guy to be able to be the sole provider for periods of time, especially since the woman will be busy having kids and taking care of them to a certain extent. While this is perhaps too much analysis for the first date, the feeling of security is important to me, and maybe to other woman out there as well.
Some men fear that paying for the first date basically places them in a state where they are always expected to pay in the future. I do not believe that this is the case. Paying for the first date, or the first few dates, is very different from paying for the rest of all the dates. I do not expect a guy that I am in a meaningful relationship with to pay for everything, especially if I am also making money. I think guys will only have to start worrying if it seems that for an extended period of the time, the woman just expects everything to be paid for her. But, if this is the case, they can either have a talk to get things in the clear or end the relationship. I believe that at this point in time in our society, women who have done well for themselves do not expect to rely solely on their partner. They are pretty independent for themselves and will display that down the road.
Hence, I believe that men should definitely pay for the first dates. This is a part of chivalry that is still prized. If anything, it also forces men to actually choose women they really like, which is a good message for the ladies out there.
I have to admit, this article is a brilliant, if troubling, glimpse into the female brain. One of the major reasons modern feminism has become something of a laughing stock is because so many professed "feminists" demand equality, while still clinging to gender disparate social conventions, like a man paying for a first date. From my perspective, it's an interesting red: Why should a guy be EXPECTED to invest in you? What are you, chattel for sale?
And I say this from the position of a pretty old-fashioned guy. I will admit that I always paid for my date's dinner - and held the door open for her, and all that chivalrous stuff - but I could at least do so without trying to cling to a totally contradictory sociopolitical philosophy!
I will say this - I would hope men would buy dinner on a first date not because society tells them to, or because they "expect" anything from it - but for themselves. I used to find dates liked a guy who decided where they were taking them for dinner; and paying for dinner was basically the cost of that privilege. I figured buying dinner was the "cost" of eating good food in a place you liked in the company of somebody new and interesting. Even if you shook hands after coffee and never saw each other again, with that model in mind, every date a guy pays for is worth every penny.
And it would be worth every penny when a woman paid too! In my opinion the decision of who pays should be a question of who can afford to, and who chose where to eat.
If you go somewhere I want to eat, and it's not really what you want, but you'll agree to it, of course I would pay, you made a sacrifice, I will do the same.
If you suggest we eat out, maybe you pay and vice versa. But if you suggest it and I decide where we eat - maybe we split on it, or you pay and I tip.
I do not expect to be showered with free food and gifts, and doing so wouldn't earn my date blow jobs or sex. It wouldn't earn them my respect, and it wouldn't be much of an indicator of personality. Granted it could indicate generosity, but could also be thought of as a money for sex transaction. "Even if it doesn't get me laid now, it gets me another shot at getting laid later." "With what this dinner cost me, I better at LEAST get a blow job" - Even if he doesn't he may feel like he should have because he did not get the expected return on his investment. Like it or not, those guys are out there, and they are out there in large numbers.
Personally, I would rather start on a level playing field, and know that the guy is not trying to buy my affection. When you know me well enough to do something nice that is more personal and indicates you have thought about, and care about ME, not just "a girl/vagina & tits" you can probably expect that blow job. PROBABLY. After all, I do love to put a smile on my partner's face.
To pay or to not pay for the first day, in regards to males, an ole time question. After I had my son, I’ve certain changed my perspective of what feminism means to me. Although I wouldn’t mind a man paying on the first day, it’s not a must nor does it reflect on who he is if he is honest. For an example;
If we made a first date and he informed me that he would like to reschedule another time do financial reason. That gives me the choice to either tell him not to worry about it for I’ll pay or reschedule. It all depends on the man (I’ve I known him before or is this a blind/first meet date)
If during our first date I’ve come to the conclusion that there is no chemistry, whatsoever, I’ll communicate that with the delicacy (give him the option to remain friends or have nothing to do with me) and highly recommend to spilt the tab 50/50.
If I ask the man out on a date, I’m very much prepared to pay for it. If he asks me out, for some reason I’d hope that he would pay for it.
There is always an exception to some kind of rule that is outdated. We like to use the word ‘chivalry’ However there is a reason for this old “men pay for dates” It was during the era where women couldn’t work, own property, have a bank account. It wasn’t chivalry that many of us romanize it was common sense. Nonetheless, these women repaid the men with home cook meals, inviting them over to their family house for dinner, or packing a picnic and first dates were followed by a “thank you” note. Since us, women, rarely do that nowadays—I think our attitude of men should progress, as we (my humble opinion).
To each his or her own. For I know many men who also think the same way as the writer.
I have mixed feelings on this issue i suppose. I'm sort of old fashioned as well, i enjoy having my boyfriend pay for dates and such but i don't expect it. In the beginning of our relationship we both paid for dates, and for a short time i supported my boyfriend through unemployment and now that he makes twice as much as i do he pays most our bills, simply because i cannot. I think that if you are in a relationship where you live together you have to work that kind of stuff out. He pays for me when we go out because the majority of the time he wants go out and do things. But i think if i were in a different situation i wouldn't expect to be paid for, I'd hope they valued me enough to try to court me though by paying for me or buying the occasional gift or two, that's the kind of thing i do when I'm in a new relationship. When my boyfriend and i started dating i made him cakes and bought him personal gifts. I understand though that there are some girls who are so high maintenance that they expect that you buy everything for them otherwise it's hit the road jack.