Dance Fever
“This is the only sensual experience I have all week,” says Diane, one of my belly dance students as we are working on undulations (pushing the rib cage out, then lifting it up, contracting it in and bringing it back to it’s original spot in a smooth circular motion).
I’d been teaching Oriental dance (also known as Middle Eastern or belly dance) to a group of mothers of preschoolers at a local church. I’ve taught at studios, Adult Ed centers and in private homes. I’ve performed at restaurants, clubs—and my favorite—a Father’s Day show at a religiously affiliated nursing home, where I had visions of veils knocking over IV drips, and the girl with the fire baton igniting the oxygen tanks. (No such theatrics ensued, and after the show, an elderly gentleman handed me $20, insisting that it was his money, he’d do what he wanted with it and that I should get myself a milk shake. I can assure you, it was not because I look like I need one).
So, now that we've established that this ancient art can arouse even an ancient man, you're wondering, Yes, but what can it do for me? You want to know if it can improve your sex life, right?
It can, and not just because you can do a smoldering little private X-rated version for your partner (which, according to AskMen.com is the number one sex fantasy of women, but in 10 years of dancing, I never once did).
Wiggle Room
Diane’s remark about belly dancing being a sensual high really struck home with me because I realized that I’d often felt the same way, but I had never put a name to it. Without being crass or lascivious, belly dance is crazy sexy, and at those times when there was nothing else to my carnal hunger, my own slinkily moving body did the job just fine.
I’m a fan of many musical genres, but there is no music sexier than Arabic. Here’s why:
“I Put a Spell On You” by Natacha Atlas
“Hatpshepsut” by Abdel Hazim
“Sehr Oyounik” by Hossam Ramzy
“Sa’ban alayy” by Amr Diab
If this music doesn’t arouse your erotic instincts, check with a geologist who can tell you exactly what kind of marble you’re made of.]
Does belly dancing increase your sexual stamina? Yes, all exercise does, but belly dance is a boon for keeping those who practice it in a highly aroused state for a number of reasons.
• First, if you do something you love you’ll keep doing it, happily, and not out of a sense of obligation because you paid a steep gym fee to do a lot of boring reps.
• Belly dance classes are typically women-only and the atmosphere is feminine, elegant and a little giddy (though it’s serious a serious workout during which you can burn about 300 calories per hour).
• You don’t get to hear your hip scarf jingle in a gym—and the dress-up factor alone keeps some women coming back.
• A belly dance workout strengthens your thighs, booty, as well as the belly. Even my upper body strength improved from learning beautiful arm and hand movements (it’s not all about the hips) and playing the zils (also called zagats or finger cymbals).
• When I’ve been dancing regularly not only is my sexual stamina better, I’m more easily turned on, can stay in the same position a longer time, and am far more limber than if I haven’t practiced in awhile (probably from the yoga stretches we often do in warm-ups and cool-downs).
The serpentine movements of belly dance stay with you long after class has ended. I had one student tell me that her new ability to do hip circles made a recent romantic encounter a blazing one.
• Belly dancing can even boost post-partum sex drive and enhance body image for new moms. The increased blood circulation to the pelvic area and the release of endorphins factor into the heightened horniness, as well.
• “How can I afford the rent?” “Why hasn’t he called back?” “How could Lynette not know there’s something wrong with Eddie on Desperate Housewives? Whatever thoughts you have on a loop will automatically shut off when you dance. When you are trying to coordinate your feet, hips, hands and smile there is no more room in your head for your worries. Being totally in your body gives your mind a much-needed break.
Big Booty is Beautiful Booty
If body confidence is an issue for you, you might worry that belly dance, with its skimpy costumes and flirtatious movements could heighten your insecurities, but the costumes don’t have to be skimpy, and if you stick with it, you’ll end up more comfortable in your body. And that’s because both your body and mind will evolve as you progress.
Trust me.
My booty sticks out like a bay window, and my hips are what is so elegantly referred to as “child-bearing,” but in belly dance, bigger can be better. Dancers wrap scarves around their hips to make them look bigger and add to the drama of movement.
There is no body type pre-requisite. Big, small, old, young—anyone can belly dance with confidence. And whether you go for the shiny cabaret style, which you’re most likely more familiar with from restaurant performers, the earthy tribal style, Fat Chance Belly Dance in San Francisco, the smoldering control of tribal fusion, or even the innovative vision of goth, there’s a belly dance niche that will fit you like a fingerless glove.
Igniting Your Inner Bombshell
Despite the fact that belly dancers gets to wear as much chiffon, sequins and makeup as a whole platoon of drag queens, I always preferred teaching to being on stage. The reason I like the classroom is the sheer fun of watching women learning to see themselves in a whole new, wonderful way.
On the first day of class, most women are excited, but there are some who begin to think they’ve just made a big mistake the minute they walk through the door. All their body insecurities shift into overdrive. They’re self-conscious about wiggling, and definitely about undulating. I had one girl stand behind me and mirror my movements as closely as possible, not to learn them—but to avoiding seeing herself in the mirror.
Then, like watching a flower open in time-lapse, the insecurities these women had would begin to slip away, and in 90 minutes, they usually bloomed. They saw that they could do it. With every little hip bump and chest pop they saw themselves do something they used to think was only for girls who look like Shakira (in other words no one but Shakira). They connected with their inner bombshell. And watching their faces light up at their own feminine power was always more fun for me than performing. They got a total makeover without changing a thing but the way they saw themselves.
Once you’re more in tune with your body, you’ll probably find yourself opening up to other physical movement as well, which can translate to a major sexual upgrade—possibly including a willingness to try new position and enjoy other kinds of relationship-enhancing experimentation.
Confidence truly is the sexiest thing a person can have. Knowing what you want and feeling secure in your body is sexy for you and your partner. Sweetly, gently and sensually, belly dance can get you there, one wiggle at a time.