Satire rag the Weekly World News (the same hilarious folks who bring us harrowing tales of Bat Boy and the Devil’s face in plumes of smoke have announced, that, due to the poor economy, “Congress voted today to rename Labor Day. This year it will be called ‘Sex Day.’” Good thing, too, because non-satirical reports have surfaced recently, proclaiming that, contrary to popular belief, casual sex does not kill a long-term relationship.

Researchers at the University of Iowa surveyed over 600 heterosexuals in Chicago about their sexual relationships, and if how they felt about them equated to how quickly they initially tore one another’s clothes off. “We didn’t see much evidence that relationships were lower quality because they started off as hook-ups,” said Anthony Paik, a UI sociologist involved with the study. Yes! Sex in the City fanatics can finally rest easy that their long-term Mr. Big goals won’t be hindered by drop-tackling him into bed closer to the first date.

In other news, casual sex may be coming back to haunt one particular individual, as “Your-Body-Is-a-Wonderland” John Mayer may or may not have lost his cell phone—which may or may not contain racy photos of all his famous ex-girlfriends. Mayer’s been seen in the headlines with such stars as Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jennifer Aniston. Should nudie pics of those fair ladies surface, Mayer will reportedly be in “serious trouble.” Luckily, the musician’s reps are denying the story’s validity, so it seems to be just a titillating false alarm.

And elsewhere, pantsless wonder Lady Gaga is said to be taking up the cloth in order to fight for everyone’s right to marry—by becoming an ordained minister so she can officiate same-sex weddings. The gorgeous Ms. Gaga “has already taken an online course and is preparing to complete paperwork to become a qualified minister,” said a source for the Daily Star. We certainly hope that means she gets to wear that awesome latex habit more often, but will we should we start calling her Father Gaga?