Sense and Sexuality: Harnessing the Magnificent Five to Unleash Ecstasies Untold

We progress through life collecting a series of experiential impressions and cues that form a catalogue of delights and dislikes that, as we mature, become codified behavior. To borrow a page from the book of Freud, our earliest sensual memories are fired in the kiln of the id, glazed by the refinements of the ego, and finally, displayed and beatified on the altar of the super ego.

A tactile encounter with a particular texture, a few notes from a favorite childhood song, or the waft of a familiar scent, can function like a time machine on the psyche. “When nothing else subsists from the past, after the people are dead, after the things are broken and scattered, the smell and taste of things remain poised a long time, like souls bearing resiliently, on tiny and almost impalpable drops of their essence, the immense edifice of memory,” wrote Marcel Proust in The Remembrance of Things Past. (Though the writer’s obsession with Madeleine was with a cookie rather than a tart, the point he makes is still valid.)

The upshot of this is, that as adults, certain physical sensations, sights, sounds, tastes and smells become an instant turn-ons or turn-offs, depending on whether we associate them with positive or negative experiences. Nothing leads to limp linguine faster than a glimpse of something that reminds a man of an accidental encounter with his naked grandma in the bath tub when he was five. Likewise, an unexpected olfactory affront of pipe tobacco at an inopportune instance can instantly transform even the most dedicated amatory adventuress into a celibate sister, if the whiff reminds her of that creepy old geezer next door who put in an order for something unsavory to go along with his Girl Scout cookies.

On the flip side, to maximize positive sexual gratification, human beings attempt to recreate their most treasured pleasure-inducing experiences by using sensual triggers as catalysts. “Setting the mood,” allows each of us, according to the set of proclivities we’ve cultivated—whether it be with alluring perfumes or more elemental scents, evocative music or provocative dirty-speak, a feathery caresses or a brisk paddling, by candlelight or steeped in pitch darkness—to enhance the opportunity to expand our pleasure horizons and ensure an outcome of bliss.

According to science the oldest, most basic and rudimentary of the senses is that of smell. Stored deep in the primordial core of the brain, the things we learn to associate with certain aromas, even as babies, can stay with us for a lifetime, which leads to one of my all-time favorite truisms: “If it don’t smell good, don’t fuck it.”

Like the birds and the bees, human beings produce pheromones: chemicals secreted by the body to entice a mate (or mates). Though they lack any perceptible odor, pheromones mark each of us with a distinct smell that either attracts or repels potential lovers. This explains why an even a scrupulously groomed metrosexual male, shaved, showered and tricked out with more hair product than the shampoo aisle of your local health & beauty aids store, may smell just plain “wrong” to fuck partner who might otherwise find him attractive.

The key to understanding the correlation between pheromones and attraction is, of course, to make the distinction between “wrong” and “bad.” One woman’s poison is another’s perfume (unless her perfume is Poison, and that’s just too confusing to contemplate). A man or a woman doesn’t have to smell “bad” to smell “wrong,” it’s simply a matter of completing a chemical equation, and unless his X adds up with her Y, there is no way you’re going to get to Z anything.

The history of using scents to enhance sex dates back thousands of years B.C. (For the love of beets, a better understanding and a great read, pick up Tom Robbins’ Jitterbug Perfume.) Fast forward to the musk-funked ’70s, and scientists began to fiddle with the idea of creating manmade pheromones that could mimic Mother Nature’s wonder magnet. Today, there are any number of pheromone-based products on the market, targeted at both men and women, however, as in the real world, not every “Love Potion #9” is guaranteed to work on every individual. If you want to try upping your allure ante with pheromone-based scents, you may need to experiment with several different products until you hit on one that is pleasing to both you and your partner.

A word to the wise: Don’t go overboard. Where scent is involved, too much of even a good thing can be just plain bad. A hint is far more enticing than being hit over the head with a hammer, so repeat after me: “Less is more. Less is more. Less is more.”

Yes, we’ve heard it ad nauseum: Men are more visually oriented, while women are more… oh, let’s just fill in the blank with imagination-oriented. Men want to see the picture; Women want to see the picture in their heads` . Cliché? Yes, but it happens to be true. Show a man a picture of an attractive naked woman, and he’s a horny camper. Show a man an attractive naked woman in the flesh, and he becomes an ecstatic horny camper (unless he’s gay, in which case, simply substitute the attractive woman with some beefcake).

Does this mean men are easy? For the most part, yes, it does. And that, as Martha Stewart would say, is a good thing.

Now, just because men can be easily aroused via visual stimuli, that’s no excuse for their lovers—male or female—to slack off and leave the dears to their own devices. While there’s nothing wrong with letting your guy savor his whack stack of good old-fashioned porn when he’s of a mind to, offering him a seductive alternative from time to time will have the added benefit of getting you both off.

While some fembots carp that by dressing up as your man’s ultimate fantasy fuck vixen, you risk “objectifying yourself,” in truth, many women find that stepping out of themselves into another sexual persona affords them an opportunity to explore new roles, that ultimately result in a walloping surge of self-confidence.

Lingerie runs the gamut from classic cathouse seductress to nympho in space. Tune into your man’s fantasy, step into someone else’s skin, and let the games begin. (For newbies, who may need to bolster confidence with a little coaching, I recommend this.)

Although the sense of sight is arguably of less significant to women’s sexual enjoyment, it does still matter. Romantic lighting goes a long way to create an ambience females find conducive to erotic release. Candles such as these, and these, offer an added zing that combines scent with sight, pleasuring two senses for the price of one. (A note of caution: Please be careful when using candles. Do not place them in proximity of something that may combust. Burning down the house is not sexy, and if your woman leaves you for the hot fireman who rescues her, you will only have yourself to blame.)

What manner of touch is most titillating? There is no right answer to that question. What one person perceives as sinfully delicious, another may view as threatening, painful, or worse, downright silly.

Delight can be found in a trailing feather, or the flash of a whip. Whether your bliss lies along the lines of more subtle seduction, or your tastes are a bit more…disciplined, even to the max, bear in mind that skin is the body’s largest organ. In addition to housing the countless nerve endings that transmit pleasure and pain, skin actually breathes and absorbs substances it comes in contact with, as one hapless Bond beauty so memorably found out firsthand, with dire consequences, in the classic 007 flick, Goldfinger.

Each lover’s kiss has a unique flavor. Everyone’s skin has a piquancy all its own. There are purists for whom the epicurean palate of copulation extends only as far as the tang of sweat, the sweet syrup of pussy, and a salty swig of a Slow Jizz Fizz. Others are more adventuresome, choosing to simultaneously combine appetites for lust and gluttony by introducing such delicacies as chocolate, champagne and even honey into their sex play. The one drawback to bringing actual food into the boudoir is that a moment on the lips or cock can be forever on your sheets. Foreplay with food may be better suited to bathroom sexploits—or if you’re a 91/2 Weeks fan, on the kitchen floor, baby.

Happily, there are products on the market that let you eat each other to your heart’s “cuntent,” without leaving lasting effects on the linen. If you want to get down and gustatory, items such as this, this, and this are sure to satisfy your carnal gourmet cravings with a BAM!

Now, certain men and women, no matter how much they wish it were otherwise, simply do not enjoy the taste of Cumtwat or the flavor of Ejack Daniels, however, since the sense of taste is inextricably tied to the sense of smell, there may actually be a cure for what ails them. Whether the aversion can be attributed to a “wrong” pheromone response, or something else is to blame, thankfully those plucky scientists who study such things have discovered that by altering aroma, the taste buds can be tricked into believing that the thing—or person—you are eating is actually quite delish. If oral hasn’t been on your menu for awhile, you may want to pick up this or this and give it another try. (Bone appetite.)

Mood music has its charms, and, like candlelight, can be used to inspire a more user-friendly environment for seduction, but whether or not it is the food of love is up for debate. For some, music can actually be a distraction, especially if one partner insists on playing the same artist practically every time he or she does the deed (I can never listen to Enya again, but that is too much information). While there are folks who are roused by the steady beat of a solid bass line, others would rather simply enjoy the soundtrack of sex itself.

At the end of the day, a kiss may be just a kiss, and a sigh may be just a sigh, but the fundamental thing that applies to the Da Noise of Da Funk is to remember that while a pleasing caress transmits complex signals to the brain, eliciting involuntary oral indications of pleasure, voluntary communication—telling (and showing) your partner where, how, and with what force you enjoy being touched—is a basic go-to for good sex. Whether you like to talk dirty, or prefer to take a more straightforward approach, if you want guarantee the maximum in mind-blowing satisfaction, keeping the flow of information open before, during, and after the act is the key to keeping pleasure on track and taking sexual gratification to a higher, more transcendent level.