On My Own
Most of us spend our days in the real world, splayed on the cold, hard brick and mortar of reality. We might have the occasional fantasy—sexual or otherwise—but our feet remain solidly grounded.
Some of us have a hard time dealing with reality and need to escape. Escaping now and then can be healthy, but you can go too far, out past the ‘no swimming past this point’ sign, where the lines between fantasy and reality blur. Once you relocate to a fantasy world, strange things can happen, like they did to me a few years back when I was getting divorced.
When my first wife and I got divorced, I was devastated and certain I'd never find love again. After 13 years together I'd grown a bit (meaning very) dependent. Even the smallest decision was a challenge for me, so I was filled with dread at the the thought of leaving. But living on my own could be a chance to take care of myself. Or a chance to find someone else to make my decisions.
I'd always been turned on by BDSM, but my ex had little interest. So, instead of telling myself I was looking for a way to deal with my insecurities, I told myself I wanted a Mistress to distract me from my loneliness. I could have tried to meet someone in the real world. But that would have meant leaving my apartment. There had to be an easier way.
As luck would have it, something called the Internet had arrived a few years earlier to help people connect without having to actually meet. I was immediately hooked. After a few weeks of chatting and a lot of jerking off, I got an IM from a Mistress Marg. I'd chatted with mistresses before, but they all disappeared after a couple days. I was too self-involved (I know, so hard to believe) or they would flake out.
Mistress Marg was different. She was kind, understanding, interested in what I had to say. And she really was a woman. She wasn't getting a lot of attention in her marriage and was overwhelmed by all the changes in her life. And she loved telling people what to do. We were a match made in cyberspace.
In addition to chatting, I'd done some cyber-sleuthing of past girlfriends (thank you again, all-power Internet). I found my high school sweetheart, who was going through a divorce and looking for an escape as well. Soon we were chatting daily and I was making plans to move back to the East Coast to be with her. Clearly she was the love of my life, and as soon as we were living together, things would be perfect.
Some of us have a hard time dealing with reality and need to escape. Escaping now and then can be healthy, but you can go too far, out past the ‘no swimming past this point’ sign, where the lines between fantasy and reality blur. Once you relocate to a fantasy world, strange things can happen, like they did to me a few years back when I was getting divorced.
When my first wife and I got divorced, I was devastated and certain I'd never find love again. After 13 years together I'd grown a bit (meaning very) dependent. Even the smallest decision was a challenge for me, so I was filled with dread at the the thought of leaving. But living on my own could be a chance to take care of myself. Or a chance to find someone else to make my decisions.
I'd always been turned on by BDSM, but my ex had little interest. So, instead of telling myself I was looking for a way to deal with my insecurities, I told myself I wanted a Mistress to distract me from my loneliness. I could have tried to meet someone in the real world. But that would have meant leaving my apartment. There had to be an easier way.
As luck would have it, something called the Internet had arrived a few years earlier to help people connect without having to actually meet. I was immediately hooked. After a few weeks of chatting and a lot of jerking off, I got an IM from a Mistress Marg. I'd chatted with mistresses before, but they all disappeared after a couple days. I was too self-involved (I know, so hard to believe) or they would flake out.
Mistress Marg was different. She was kind, understanding, interested in what I had to say. And she really was a woman. She wasn't getting a lot of attention in her marriage and was overwhelmed by all the changes in her life. And she loved telling people what to do. We were a match made in cyberspace.
In addition to chatting, I'd done some cyber-sleuthing of past girlfriends (thank you again, all-power Internet). I found my high school sweetheart, who was going through a divorce and looking for an escape as well. Soon we were chatting daily and I was making plans to move back to the East Coast to be with her. Clearly she was the love of my life, and as soon as we were living together, things would be perfect.
It amazes me how much of this does go on. But you're right - it is intoxicating and very, very much escapism. Some of us need to escape once in awhile, but it always escalates. I'm glad you ended up okay in the end.
I understand this, I've lived and felt your addiction. You're right though, it can be bad for your real life relationship. I've been working on doing things outside, where my laptop is out of sight, out of mind to pay attention to my boyfriend. Very interesting story. Are you still with Carlie?