Kink is a noisy kind of play. So is sex in general, but with kink, in addition to your moans of ecstasy, you have thwacks, slaps, cracks, cries, wails, squeals, and any number of other sounds that could be mistaken for coming from either a zoo or a bar fight. This often makes kinksters less than ideal neighbors—and terrible roommates.
Not only is kink noisy, it can be time-consuming. This is one of its better qualities, in my opinion, since kink can make a sexual encounter into the long, drawn-out pleasure session that many of us dream about. But this also makes it difficult to get enough privacy for those of us who share living quarters.
My roommate can send me out for a couple hours while her boyfriend is over, and when I come back, I can be absolutely sure that they’ll be done having sex. But if I did that, there’s no guarantee that she wouldn’t be walking back in to see my limbs tied to my bedposts and my partner wielding a whip or a knife. To make sure no roommate is traumatized, negotiation is key.
One must negotiate with a roommate as one does with a play partner. Firstly, I recommend that if all possible, kinky people should find like-minded, or at least open-minded, roommates. Needing so much privacy for sex will be hard enough to explain to the uninitiated—much less your bruises and your extensive collection of toys, your leather daddy hat, and your assless chaps…
A roommate’s consent is just as important as a partner’s. You live together, after all, and a trusting relationship is important to the quality of life for both of you. Further, it’s just “not okay” to involve someone non-consensually in your sexual encounter by allowing the possibility of them accidentally witnessing it. Like it or not, sex in a room when you have a roommate is basically having sex in public. All the same precautions must be taken.
As a kinky person who has had a few roommates, I recommend that you have an open, honest negotiation about what each of you need. Even if your roommate can’t always give you the space you require, it’s important that you let your needs be known. Sure, you might share toothpaste with your roommate, but they can’t read your mind, and it’s not fair to expect them to. Like in all relationships, your mantra should be: “Communication. Communication. Communication.”
Not only is kink noisy, it can be time-consuming. This is one of its better qualities, in my opinion, since kink can make a sexual encounter into the long, drawn-out pleasure session that many of us dream about. But this also makes it difficult to get enough privacy for those of us who share living quarters.
My roommate can send me out for a couple hours while her boyfriend is over, and when I come back, I can be absolutely sure that they’ll be done having sex. But if I did that, there’s no guarantee that she wouldn’t be walking back in to see my limbs tied to my bedposts and my partner wielding a whip or a knife. To make sure no roommate is traumatized, negotiation is key.
One must negotiate with a roommate as one does with a play partner. Firstly, I recommend that if all possible, kinky people should find like-minded, or at least open-minded, roommates. Needing so much privacy for sex will be hard enough to explain to the uninitiated—much less your bruises and your extensive collection of toys, your leather daddy hat, and your assless chaps…
A roommate’s consent is just as important as a partner’s. You live together, after all, and a trusting relationship is important to the quality of life for both of you. Further, it’s just “not okay” to involve someone non-consensually in your sexual encounter by allowing the possibility of them accidentally witnessing it. Like it or not, sex in a room when you have a roommate is basically having sex in public. All the same precautions must be taken.
As a kinky person who has had a few roommates, I recommend that you have an open, honest negotiation about what each of you need. Even if your roommate can’t always give you the space you require, it’s important that you let your needs be known. Sure, you might share toothpaste with your roommate, but they can’t read your mind, and it’s not fair to expect them to. Like in all relationships, your mantra should be: “Communication. Communication. Communication.”
Lol, Saving Private Ryan.
I enjoyed the article and appreciate it because I too am a kinkster. Having kinky play in a dorm situation is hard....
Not so sure how I feel about the punching bit though...
I enjoyed this article and like the sound proofing. I use egg crate foam to line my walls and the curtains at the door....works well for me
Lol very much enjoyed this article!
This is an issue my partner and I have been trying to grapple with. She lives in a house with very, very little sound proofing and has 5 house mates so there is always someone around. Luckily I only have one housemate but she is ultra conservative and very much a homebody which limits us to take advantage of what little time we have the place to ourselves. The music thing usually works
I think "Saving Ryans Privates" or maybe even "Slaving Ryans Privates" would be more accurate
would love to hear some more DIY soundproofing methods, and what about people living above or below you?
Thank you for the article! I'm in the process of moving from a single dorm to a shared apartment and I definitely made sure that the person who wants to be my suite mate knew that I was kinky. Now to do the tightrope dance where we're courteous of her flexibility and where we embrace the fact that I don't live in a dorm anymore.