Why life is too short for a bad blowjob
I’m forever getting letters from all over asking for my sage advice.
Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! I’m just coming out and I can’t seem to get the hang of fellatio. Can you give me some advice on how to improve my technique? Thanks in advance.
— Lost On Lip Service
FELLATIO? Are you serious? Keep referring to cocksucking like that and we’re gonna take away your homo card.
And then there are the desperate letters from dissatisfied connoisseurs of the French polish.
Dear Dr. Dick,
Help! My boyfriend sucks dick like a girl. He’s afraid to get down and dirty on my big old hog. How do I tell him that, if he ain’t makin love to it like there’s no tomorrow, he ain’t doin’ it right?
— Disappointed
Doc,
The girl I’m dating is hopeless in the blowjob department. I love her, I really do, but this is a deal breaker. She really gets off on me eating her out; and I can do it all day. But when I ask her to return the favor, she turns up her nose. WTF?
— Gimmie Head
Yeah, ain’t it a shame? Ya know there are those who believe an expert cocksucker is born not make. Either you can suck the chrome off a trailer hitch or ya can’t. However, Dr. Dick believes anyone can become an adequate or even a superior cocksucker with a little will power, some ingenuity and bit of practice.
Let’s start with the basics.
Oral Exam
There's no one best way to make oral love to a boner. No two cocksuckers do it exactly the same way, but they all have two things in common — 1) a love of man-meat, and 2) the desire to satisfy. Technique and position take a back seat to simply craving a cock in your mouth and, in turn, puttin’ a smile on your man’s face. We’re not talkin’ rocket science, girlfriend, it’s just a pecker and a mouth doin’ what comes natural. So if cocksucking is more work than fun, or the idea of having a dick in your mouth makes you retch, just give it up. Life is too short for a bad blowjob.
]
I named it the orgasm maker. Ahhhh, is the best way to describe the feeling. – OH&W, Lovebears | https://www.edenfantasys.com/sex-essentials/sex-toy-accessories| Eden Elements massager attachement for men]
But if you’re willing to learn how to smoke some pole, begin by taking a good look at the one-eyed monster. A big stiff woody is a wonder to behold. And even those little willies can be cute as hell. Visually explore the whole enchilada. Feel it's shape, its thickness and texture. Use your tongue to trace a line from his dick head down the underside of his shaft to his balls. If you’re lucky enough to be gobbling an uncut dick, draw back his foreskin and slop your tongue all around his corona. As you do, watch your man’s eyes roll back in his head in ecstasy.
Let his cock slide inside your mouth. Allow your lips slide over the head and down the shaft a little, but, for god’s sake, watch out for your teeth! As you slide your mouth down his rod you’ll probably need to open your mouth wider. Do you feel the stretch in your jaw? Good! You’ll be amazed at how elastic your facial muscles can be with just a little practice. When his dick gets close to your throat, you may start to gag. This is a normal reflex that you will, in time, be able to control. (I’ll have more to say on the topic of deep throating in the future.)
When asking for feedback on your efforts, keep the questions to a minimum. A little, “Do you like that, baby?” goes a long way. Please, whatever you do, don’t talk with your mouth full. Sometimes letting his non-verbal cues guide you is your best bet. If he’s grabbin’ your hair and makin’ yummy sounds you can be pretty sure you’re on the right track. Most men will not hesitate to direct the show if you let them. “Yeah, do it like that. Uh huh, that’s it, just like that. Don’t stop, DON’T STOP.” Sometimes all you have to do is follow his lead.
Here is a tip, especially for you gals out there lookin’ to improve your blowjob skills. Straight dudes absolutely love it when the chick blowin’ them looks all slutty. You can often send him over the top by simply applying some Jungle Red lipstick. And if your eye makeup runs down your face during the event, he’ll want to marry you on the spot. I know! It’s a guy thing; what can I tell ya?
There are lots of other things you can do with your mouth. Lick his dick, suck on it and flick your tongue rapidly across the top of his dick. Or you can simply move your mouth up and down his joystick. Dive into his crotch, lick his inner thighs, lower belly, and slobber all over his nuts. Keep your mouth wet, a thick wad of saliva will add to his pleasure and eliminate irritation. Don't be afraid to be sloppy. Increase your speed or slow it down. Incorporate a little manual stimulation. Remember, a great blowjob is not only oral; it also a handjob. Fondle and cup his balls in your hand, or give ‘em a little tug. Finger his ass and stimulate his prostate. It’s all good.
As your man approaches orgasm he will become more excited and probably start some pelvic thrusting. He’ll fuck your face if you let him. If he does and you start to gag, use your hand to guide his dick in and out of your mouth. Keep in mind that you’re actually the one in charge down there. Encircle your lips firmly around his cock and over your teeth. Keep the other parts of your mouth as relaxed as possible (actual "sucking" at this point is unnecessary). Maintaining a regular rhythm is nice, but don’t let it get boring. Feel free to vary your position and your stroke. This will keep you from getting fatigued.
If you’re not gonna gobble his goop, may I suggest you direct the money shot to your face (but be sure to keep your eyes closed). Or if you’re sportin’ a big rack, have him cum on your tits. Guys fuckin’ love this! Ya see we’re like dogs. We like to mark our territory with our spooge. And there’s nothing quite as satisfying than seeing our spunk drippin’ down our partner.
Remember practice makes perfect. But above all take the time you need to learn what works best for you.