The Art of Fellatio: A Blow-by-Blow Guide to Pleasuring Your Partner

One thing my friend got right was to have fun—and let the lucky gentleman receiving your attentions know it.

Our society puts a lot of emphasis on the penis—it’s a Big Bad Hard Rod, it’s a symbol of power (Washington Monument, anyone?), it’s a man’s precious ‘jewels’—so it’s no wonder that the inexperienced often find it intimidating. If you’re going to enjoy your partner’s penis and give it pleasure, though, you’ve got to get over that. You need to make friends with the penis. That’s what foreplay is all about. So take your time—play with it, stroke it, see how he reacts when you touch it a certain way. Watch how it perks up and changes as it becomes erect. Lick it, smell it, give it a funny name. Get comfortable with this key part of your boy’s body.

Here’s the thing—no matter what you heard from your aunt, your minister, or whoever warped your mind about this stuff when you were younger, the blowjob isn’t supposed to be a chore. It’s supposed to be about pleasure. Of course it’s about pleasuring the recipient, but both of you should be having a good time. Think about the last time someone went down on you—did they roll their eyes and sigh before heading downtown, or were they moaning with pleasure at the thought of sexy, tasty you? Which one do you think is more fun? So relax, approach this as a tasty treat (like an ice cream cone!) and let your partner know, through sounds and touch, that you’re into it. And if you’re not into it, don’t do it.

The penis is an amazingly sensitive part of the body. It’s made of erectile tissue, which means it’s full of blood vessels that fill up when something (your lips on his neck, for instance, or breathing ‘I want you’ into his ear) stimulates him. The head of the penis (that mushroom-y part at the top) is the most sensitive part—it’s packed with nerve endings, and it’s where you should concentrate your efforts. The shaft is less sensitive—give it some attention, certainly, but don’t worry too much about trying to fit it all into your mouth. The head is where the real action is.

When you’re getting down to business, take your time. Make out. Lick his nipples. Kiss his body. Tell him, in great detail, how much you’re looking forward to sliding his cock into your mouth. Get him all worked up before you work your way below his beltline—the more the anticipation builds, the more exciting every touch will be. Decide how you want to position him—you can kneel in front of him while he stands or sits, or you can get on your hands and knees and bend over him while he’s lying down. (More about positions later—there are lots of options.) Make sure you’re comfortable. You’re going to be there for a while, and you don’t want your leg to fall asleep just as he’s about to come!

Now comes the fun part. Instead of diving right in, try teasing his cock. Stroke it gently with your fingertips. Let your breath warm his cock without quite touching it with your lips. If you have long hair or large breasts, try sliding them down his body toward his cock. If you have a penis, let him feel how hard you are. If he has a foreskin, pull it back slowly. And don’t forget his balls—they’re incredibly sensitive too. Stroking, licking and sucking them (very gently!) will be appreciated.

When you’re ready, take the head of his cock into your mouth. Start with the head, moving your lips and tongue around. Swirl your tongue around the head—the tongue swirl is one of the all-time great blowjob techniques. Keep your teeth out of the way—this is all about your lips and tongue. This is where you can get creative—start exploring with your tongue. Run it around the rim of his head. Lick those little drops of pre-come off the tip. And make sure to spend some time on the little spot on the underside of the head, where the shaft connects to the head—it’s really sensitive. Once you’ve got him moaning, dispense with being gentle and, with one quick motion, slide your lips as far down his shaft as you can go, while swirling your tongue up and down. Then pull back, making a sucking motion and keeping your lips as tight as possible. You can also ring his shaft with your fingers, for a tighter squeezing motion. This may take some practice, but it will drive him crazy. Also, don’t worry about slobber—let your saliva drip down and get his shaft and balls wet. Blowjobs are meant to be messy. You can also use your saliva to lubricate your hand, and use both your hand and mouth at the same time. another fun idea is to slide a pocket pussy up and down his shaft while you give attention to his balls with your tongue.

As you keep going, pay attention to your partner’s responses. Does his whole body rock every time you flick your tongue on a certain spot? Does he gasp and moan when you suck a certain way? Then you’re doing something very right—so try different variations on that theme. There’s a give and take that will happen between the two of you—you’re moving around on him, taking a sightseeing tour of the most sensitive parts of his body, and he’s relaxing, getting used to your style, and focusing ever more intently on what you’re doing. Try to notice what really gets him off, and use that to guide your movements.

You can take your time or try for a quickie, but eventually, you’re going to get your man to the point of orgasm. You’ll probably feel his body tense, and he may be rocking, thrusting and moaning. Particularly well-mannered gentlemen will thoughtfully inform you when they’re about to come. Now you’ve got to make a choice—what do you want to do with it?

You can, of course, swallow. Most men produce about a tablespoon of semen, and the taste can vary depending on what he’s been eating, whether he smokes, and what his general scent is. Products like Semenex sweeten the taste, but he can also achieve this by eating a healthy diet. If you know that your partner has been tested and is STD-free, his semen is harmless and you can swallow it without worry. (If you don’t know that, use a flavored condom—or tell him he can have his blowjob after he gets tested.)

Swallowing isn’t the only option. It can be deeply erotic to lean back as he comes, jacking him with your hand, and watch him explode. You can also have him come onto your face, chest or all over your body, if you’re into it—this is popular in porn, and a lot of guys love watching a real-life “money shot.” (Just try not to get it in your eyes, which can cause a bacterial infection.)

Not every guy can come to orgasm from fellatio, just like not every woman can come from vaginal sex. Everyone is wired differently—this doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him, or with your technique. If this is your guy, he may need to finish off with his hand, or transition from oral sex to anal, vaginal or another kind of sex. It never hurts to have a conversation beforehand, so you know what to expect.

Another way to enjoy the interplay between you and your partner is to pay attention to the power dynamics between the two of you. A lot of people hear words like “submissive” and “dominant” and think of whips and chains—but every relationship has these dynamics to some extent, and you don’t have to be into leather to enjoy them. Some people think that giving fellatio is the ultimate submissive act—you’re totally focused on pleasuring your partner and fulfilling his wishes. Others view the blowjob as a dominant act—your partner is passive, bucking and moaning, while you have complete control over his pleasure. Figure out what turns you two on, and play with it—maybe he likes to grab you by the hair while you kneel in front of him. Or maybe he’s been a naughty boy, and you’d rather tie him to the bed and make him beg for your tongue, or spank his ass while you’re going down on him. When you hit on the right combination, you’ll know it, and it will be a powerful experience for both of you.

There are lots of different positions and techniques to experiment with, many of them dating back thousands of years. For instance, this article has mostly focused on ways to give fellatio actively—but you can be passive, too. This technique (called irrumation) allows your partner to take the lead. Lie on your back, with your head tilted back. (A pillow under your neck is helpful.) Your partner can then straddle your face and thrust his cock into your mouth—fucking your mouth, basically. It’s a good idea to agree beforehand about how hard he can thrust—you have very little control in this position, so he needs to make sure he’s not choking you or activating your gag reflex. This position allows complete freedom for your hands, so you can play with his balls, masturbate, spank him, play with his asshole… whatever your hands like to do.

Speaking of the gag reflex, what about deep throating? This technique was popularized by the 1972 porn movie “Deep Throat,” in which star Linda Lovelace suspended her gag reflex and maneuvered a large penis all the way down into her throat. Deep throating isn’t a myth, but there’s a reason the porn stars who do it are considered legends—it’s a very difficult technique to master, and definitely is not for beginners. (See The Deep Throat Diaries for a first-person account.)

Remember that sensitive spot on the underside of the rim of his head? Rumor has it that a very slightly, gentle upward lick at this spot with the tip of the tongue every fifteen seconds or so will produce a powerful orgasm (also known as the Snaky-Lick trick). Does it work? Try it and tell me.

If your partner hasn’t been circumsized, you can have some fun with his foreskin. Pull it up with your hand, so it’s partially covering the head. Suck the head out, then release the vacuum a little so it goes back in, and suck it in and out. I call this the Turtleneck.

The Pendulum: Slide his cock as far into your mouth as it can comfortably go, keeping your lips sealed tightly around the shaft. Extend your tongue so that it is flat against the underside of his penis, then move it back and forth against the shaft in a pendulum motion.

If you’re feeling adventurous, try gently sliding a lubed-up finger into his anus while you’re giving him head. Some men will orgasm almost instantly when you do this. An anal vibrator can do the trick, too. (Just be sure to use one with a flared base—you don’t want anything getting lost in there!)

Has this brief introduction stimulated your appetite? You can learn more from the award-winning video Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex: Fellatio, or check out the perennial favorite, Paul Joannides’s Guide to Getting It On. But your best source of information is your partner: talk to each other about your turn-ons, fantasies and preferences, and spend plenty of time playing with and exploring each other’s bodies. With a little practice, you’ll be an expert fellatio artist with a very, very happy partner.