Masturbation doesn't have to be alone

I have to admit that anytime I hear about, read about, or think about myself or someone else masturbating together, in a group or in front of someone else, I get a swelling in my pants and my heart rate picks up. This is a subject and activity that seems to get swept aside when it comes to sex and sexual activity. Why is that? Why should masturbation only be a solo activity? I’m not just talking about couples either. Shared masturbation can be really enjoyable and rewarding.

We were probably all taught or told in one way or another (directly or indirectly) to not masturbate, or if you did, to do so alone and in private. Well that's all fine and dandy and acceptable in most places, but masturbating with someone else or while being watched (willingly) by someone else is like that, but only more exciting and energetic. A rush, if you will. It is one of my favorite fantasies and often part of my mental fantasizing, while masturbating alone. There is just something about the whole idea of being watched in the throes of solo pleasure that really gets me going; the idea of being a sex and lust object in the eyes of someone else. Perhaps it's because we guys rarely get to be in that position through another woman’s eyes. I'd guess more men feel this way than women (or at least willing to act on it).

Over my 30 years of sexual adventures, I've had all kinds of masturbatory adventures. Not as many or often as I would have liked, but when I had some of those extraordinary shared experiences, they were quite memorable. Now you can do this on webcam anonymously too. We've all heard stories or even seen firsthand (no pun intended) someone else masturbating online or being watched playing with yourself on Chatroulette.com, Omegle.com, Skype or some other similar site. That is exciting too, but nothing like jerking it for another person, or even better, a complete stranger...live in person. I know that's not everyone's bag and especially the women must be thinking "ewww..yuck" by now, but hear me out. Doing this online does have the added benefit of being safer, more anonymous and more convenient, not to mention an instant connection when you are in the mood.

I'm still a very private person, but when it comes to sex, there is this little window that opens under the right circumstances and I do these crazy things that are completely out of character for my shy public persona. I can be completely open sexually, push my boundaries, be uninhibited, kinky, daring, and even a bit bold. Not with people I know from work or everyday interactions, but with like-minded people met via other avenues, like the internet or some other place, where it is an unspoken given that this sort of activity is OK...if not encouraged altogether. You must first pass the litmus test of mutual sexual interest and then being open just follows naturally.

Back since the early days of the internet, when we had AOL, and maybe even as far back as the personal ads in local publications, I would read personal ads (particularly the casual encounters sections) and AOL profiles and fantasize about the scenarios spelled out in them. I had all kinds of encounters, not just masturbation oriented ones. Sometimes the stars would align and I would meet up with someone for a thrill. Meeting a woman, and shortly after stripping down naked and jerking off while she watched, often with porn on the TV, was a big thrill. Sharing my orgasm, letting her watch my techniques, telling me what to do, and her examining my body was such a turn-on. I even did this with other men, because at first, they were just more readily available and willing when I was horny. It took some trial and error, but I eventually found this to be enjoyable as well, at least in the right circumstance. I had several memorable masturbation encounters with others in a huge variety of scenarios and locations: In a department store dressing room, a vacant apartment, in the woods, outdoors, at a clothing-free Korean spa, in a car, after a massage, and adult theaters and bookstores, to name a few. I've even read a story about Betty Dodson offering masturbation classes for women back in the 80s, and I believe such things still exist.

There is nothing like the thrill of undressing in front of a stranger for the first time and/or seeing another do the same for you. Knowing, hearing and seeing that you are doing something that is turning someone else on creates this pleasure feedback loop that intensifies my own pleasure. Often, women don't want to "just watch" because they get nothing out of it, but a tease will say they want more contact if they watch me, as in to be pleased themselves. That sorta ruins the whole fantasy, particularly if you don't want to have sex with them. There does exist a small niche of women who enjoy voyeurism at its core, but they are hard to find. Usually, most women, if they do like this, just want to see their own partner do it, which is fun too. They say seeing a stranger is not a turn-on, but that they like to watch their own partner only. I wouldn't discourage anyone from doing that, but there is just something raw and carnal about doing this for someone you don't know and will most likely never see again. You push aside the embarrassment or consequences and just enjoy the moment- the lack of inhibition and the raw enjoyment.

My biggest masturbation fantasy would be to be in a large group scene of both sexes masturbating together. I know of a local group of men who do this 3-4 times a month (I learned about it long before I moved here), but I haven't managed to try that yet. It's on my bucket list though. But I can't even tell you how hot it would be to be with women and men all masturbating together in peace, with unspoken rules that no penetration was allowed. I have read about an annual masturbate-a-thon that takes place in the Bay area, with all kinds of of folks doing it together and would love to participate, but I am on the East coast unfortunately.

The greatest thing about mutual or "spectator masturbation” is that it is completely safe, and most importantly, consensual. No STDs to worry about, no emotional entanglements, no drama. It's not always easy to find a compatible partner to masturbate with, but there are many options and avenues that you can try or pursue to make it possible. It is very rewarding. I know it might not float everyone's boat, but you probably haven't tried it either if you are one of the many who are probably scoffing at this point. It's just too bad this isn't a more common and accepted practice. Once you have experienced it, the fear and negative associations begin to vanish. It's still a thrill, however, but it just seems it shouldn't be such a big deal. People go to nudist resorts/beaches and the like, and this is just one natural step away from that. Once you have done it, it seems like no big deal anymore.

Of course, I stress that it should always be consensual. I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea and break the law or force something on someone unsuspectingly. I take no thrill in doing something like this, without knowing the other person involved is also into it and gives me permission in some way first. I have not, and will never, do this with an unwilling partner. That is not something I would enjoy, nor should you. And that is the tricky part sometimes, because you have to plan and find someone willing and interested, which is no small feat.

For me, I find masturbating with someone else, whether it be in-person or in the virtual world, to be a much more fulfilling experience than being solo. There is a thrill and shared intimacy in exposing the build-up and climax of an orgasm with another person. Letting them witness, for seconds, if not minutes, your bared lust and sexual soul. A place few people may ever get to see. A shared, private moment that can be mutually rewarding, within or without a relationship; both are very different experiences-- One, being more emotional and perhaps more self-conscious, the other lustful and liberating. And for some, those two meanings might be completely reversed. Masturbation (in moderation, like anything else) is a healthy and necessary part of a well-balanced life and don't let anyone tell you differently. Here in 2013, maybe we ought to be waking up to reconsidering masturbation as something that can be shared consensually with other adults (without shame), and not keep it locked behind doors all the time.