If I have not said much about why I am writing this sequence on stepping out of the box, well here it is. Seven years ago on Dec. 6, 2004 I woke up from what I thought was going to be a nap. I had a rough couple of days after what I thought was a pulled muscle. But when I woke the most horrible feeling came over me. I could not move from my shoulders down. My husband rushed me to the hospital where I underwent a several hour surgery. What they found was an abscess on my spine. They also found that it contained MRSA (Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus). At the time I worked in home health taking care of a little girl that had this as well. When I was more awake 2 1/2 weeks later and was aware of what was going on, I thought my bosses were behind me. Well if there are any nurses out there beware, they are not. Any way, I was in ICU for 2 1/2 weeks. Then recovery floor. Then they wanted me to stay on the rehab floor for six more weeks. See the thing is I had a 4 year old and a 6 year old at home. It was just days away from Christmas. There was no way I was staying. They said the only way I was going home was to walk 300 feet and up and down 3 steps, the exact number to get into my house. That next day that is what I did. Remind you the most I had done at this point was sit in a chair. Over the next year and a half I did outpatient therapy. I have learned to walk with a cane only. My right side is weak. I get very tired most days. The pain is hard to deal with, but my family is the only reason I am here so I get up each and every day.

My work was just about to give me worker's compensation, then all of a sudden they said no. I got myself a lawyer, the kind you don't pay unless you win. Well I have been battling these people now for almost eight years. I got the verdict today. I LOST! Do you want to know why? I am a nurse. Nurses take care of so many people over a period of their career that it is hard to pin down when I could have come in contact with the MRSA. They also say that with there being so many cases of MRSA out there among the general public it is hard to say where I could have picked it up. See it is an infection so they claim I could have gotten it anywhere even though I was taking care of this little girl who had it multiple times.

I am mad, upset but what makes it worse is that my kids have paid the biggest price out of all of this. They lost a part of their childhood when this all happened. I almost lost my life. They really don't know how close it was. The doctors say that if I would have slept another hour I would have never walked again. If I would have slept another 2 hours I would have never woken up, give or take.

I was angry for a long time after. They took a lot away from me. It took a lot for me to come to a point in my life to want more from myself. I was doing well until today. I guess we all hit a wall at some point and want to retreat. I know I do right now. To step out of this box and recover is going to be hard. I don't rightly know where to start. The doctor bills are so very high. I only have S.S. and we all know where that gets you in this world. My husband works too hard as it is. I guess I will look at my options, maybe figure out how to start an Eden store. I don't know how I will get out of this box. I just know that some boxes are heavier than others. If I don't it will define everything I do from here on out.