"Anyone who is in love is making love the whole time, even when they're not. When two bodies meet, it is just the cup overflowing. They can stay together for hours, even days. They begin the dance one day and finish it the next, or--such is the pleasure they experience--they may never finish it. No eleven minutes for them."
Mindfulness
For those of you familiar with some of my previous writings, I have made you well aware that I am a huge proponent of mindfulness practice and have been actively doing body scans, eating meditations, concentration meditations, working meditations etc. for about 4.5 years. Understandably, mindfulness is as elusive to pin down and explain as it is to accept the idea that there is no self. However, this does not need to be a bad thing, because all that means is that things ‘happen’ to this transitory self and, therefore, we are not the sum of those happenings. These happenings are guests in our guest house, to reference a poem “The Guest House” (by Rumi), and they do not stay.
Taking this idea a step further to sexual dysfunction, it is something that happens to us, we are not defined by it. However, as you may be aware dear reader, sexual dysfunction can cause anger, anxiety, and depression at the self, as if you are the dysfunction—as if you are the defect, which in a word is not true. It is something that is happening to you. I believe this mindset cannot only help the sufferer to have compassion for themselves, but it is one that can help whomever is affected by it. Partners should adopt this mindset as well in order to have compassion and sympathy for their partner and share in the burden of suffering that it causes for both people.
*Please note that although I am using monogamous language, I am in no way limiting my exploration of VEST to that relational dynamic. This is mostly for ease of communication.*
Moving on…
Since there are a score of articles that have been written on sexual dysfunction, I have chosen to reference them in related articles rather than get into definitions here. This way, there is some room, for The Good Stuff.
However, in short - and before - the good stuff, I do think it is important to say that I do not mean dysfunction in a narrow-focused sense. Sometimes doctors tell us our differing sex drives are dysfunctional, how wet we don’t get is dysfunctional, or not sporting an erection during every sexual encounter is dysfunctional. So, my hope is that whatever category you might have fit yourself into, or let yourself be fit into, or you are just curious about, I will shed light on VEST, which has mindfulness at its core.
Taking this idea a step further to sexual dysfunction, it is something that happens to us, we are not defined by it. However, as you may be aware dear reader, sexual dysfunction can cause anger, anxiety, and depression at the self, as if you are the dysfunction—as if you are the defect, which in a word is not true. It is something that is happening to you. I believe this mindset cannot only help the sufferer to have compassion for themselves, but it is one that can help whomever is affected by it. Partners should adopt this mindset as well in order to have compassion and sympathy for their partner and share in the burden of suffering that it causes for both people.
*Please note that although I am using monogamous language, I am in no way limiting my exploration of VEST to that relational dynamic. This is mostly for ease of communication.*
Moving on…
Since there are a score of articles that have been written on sexual dysfunction, I have chosen to reference them in related articles rather than get into definitions here. This way, there is some room, for The Good Stuff.
However, in short - and before - the good stuff, I do think it is important to say that I do not mean dysfunction in a narrow-focused sense. Sometimes doctors tell us our differing sex drives are dysfunctional, how wet we don’t get is dysfunctional, or not sporting an erection during every sexual encounter is dysfunctional. So, my hope is that whatever category you might have fit yourself into, or let yourself be fit into, or you are just curious about, I will shed light on VEST, which has mindfulness at its core.
Thank you for sharing this, great article!