The fear I have over pregnancy is crazy. I didn’t think it even had a name, but I recently found out from my doctor that it does. I’ve been even told that if I was to become pregnant, they fear I wouldn’t be able to deliver. Crazy, huh? The fear I have is that crippling. The thought of being pregnant or giving birth causes my body to tighten up, I can’t breathe, and my heart starts racing as though I’ve just seen a ghost manifest in front of my face.
A phobia of childbirth and pregnancy, as with any phobia, can manifest through a number of symptoms including nightmares, difficulty in concentrating on work or family activities, panic attacks and psychosomatic complaints. Often the fear of childbirth motivates a request for an elective caesarean section. Fear of labor pain is strongly associated with the fear of pain in general. A previous complicated childbirth, or inadequate pain relief, may cause the phobia to develop. I’ve never been pregnant. I’d rather not have sex then risk being pregnant. I couldn’t tell you where this fear of pregnancy and child birth comes from. There are two different forms of tokophobia.
Primary tokophobia is the fear and deep-seated dread of childbirth which pre-dates pregnancy and can start in adolescence. This often relates back to their own mother's experience or something they learned in school.
Secondary tokophobia is due to a previous horrendous experience regarding traumatic birth, poor obstetric practice or medical attention, postpartum depression or other such upsetting events, which renders them emotionally unable to have more children.
At one point in my life, I was freaking myself out and so worried after I had sex that I would become pregnant, even though I was on the pill and was still using condoms. For some reason, I didn’t think that was going to keep me from getting pregnant and the slightest change in my body had me panicking and rushing to the hospital.
A lot of people I know have children and some of them have extremely good births. Some of them didn’t and it seems like those are the ones that stuck with me. Even as I write this, I can feel the panic in my chest. Before knowing the name, I just thought I was weird. I thought it was something that I’d grow out of but it isn’t and that is what is so bad. Now at almost 23 years old. I don’t think it was just a teenage thing, because if it was I should have been over it.
I’ve been diagnosed with primary tokophobia, now that I know have a name to this fear that I didn’t even know was recognized by the medical world. The key is now learning how to fix the problem. This is much easier said than done. I was given home birthing dvds, which I happen to think are way more traumatizing than anything else. I mean really? Yea, I know the vagina is this awesome thing, but a part of me would rather not know how awesome the vagina is at its greatest moment, which would be child birth.
A phobia of childbirth and pregnancy, as with any phobia, can manifest through a number of symptoms including nightmares, difficulty in concentrating on work or family activities, panic attacks and psychosomatic complaints. Often the fear of childbirth motivates a request for an elective caesarean section. Fear of labor pain is strongly associated with the fear of pain in general. A previous complicated childbirth, or inadequate pain relief, may cause the phobia to develop. I’ve never been pregnant. I’d rather not have sex then risk being pregnant. I couldn’t tell you where this fear of pregnancy and child birth comes from. There are two different forms of tokophobia.
Primary tokophobia is the fear and deep-seated dread of childbirth which pre-dates pregnancy and can start in adolescence. This often relates back to their own mother's experience or something they learned in school.
Secondary tokophobia is due to a previous horrendous experience regarding traumatic birth, poor obstetric practice or medical attention, postpartum depression or other such upsetting events, which renders them emotionally unable to have more children.
At one point in my life, I was freaking myself out and so worried after I had sex that I would become pregnant, even though I was on the pill and was still using condoms. For some reason, I didn’t think that was going to keep me from getting pregnant and the slightest change in my body had me panicking and rushing to the hospital.
A lot of people I know have children and some of them have extremely good births. Some of them didn’t and it seems like those are the ones that stuck with me. Even as I write this, I can feel the panic in my chest. Before knowing the name, I just thought I was weird. I thought it was something that I’d grow out of but it isn’t and that is what is so bad. Now at almost 23 years old. I don’t think it was just a teenage thing, because if it was I should have been over it.
I’ve been diagnosed with primary tokophobia, now that I know have a name to this fear that I didn’t even know was recognized by the medical world. The key is now learning how to fix the problem. This is much easier said than done. I was given home birthing dvds, which I happen to think are way more traumatizing than anything else. I mean really? Yea, I know the vagina is this awesome thing, but a part of me would rather not know how awesome the vagina is at its greatest moment, which would be child birth.
What a horrible thing to have your mind fixate on! I am so sorry and I hope that you can get over the fear since is it making your sex life a bit miserable. I will say that i had a weird phobia of spiders and then nearly died from being bitten. The fact that I lived actually took the phobia and minimized it's impact so I could deal with it. I don't recommend that sort of experience, mind you, but I am saying that phobias can be successfully dealt with and put in their proper place.
I didn't have the most amazing birth experience but having my children is the best thing that ever happened to me. If you actually do want kids sometimes in your future, I hope that you can conquer this fear and enjoy a pregnancy. If not, well then there's always alternatives, right?
I'm sure there are lots of ladies who are terrified of pregnancy and all the related issues, obviously you aren't alone there's a name for the phobia and all!
I just wish I could give you a big old hug.
I'm so sorry you have this crippling fear, Miss Nessa. Fears sometimes have no reason, they just are. But, they can be dealt with. I'm glad you're getting help.
I can only offer one piece of advice; AVOID TLC shows like "Baby Story" like the plague! They seem to concentrate and highlight unusual complications, and I think the unnecessarily medicalize childbirth. These shows are mind poison.
When you feel healthy again, watching healthy movies like "The Business of Being Born" and good healthy books by people like Ina May Gaskin. "Spiritual Midwivery" could be part of your healing. I read it after my not-so-happy first labor and it helped a lot.
Good luck and healing thoughts.
Wow... I thought I was the only one. I too have a fear of both pregnancy and childbirth. I thought I was just weird. The thought of becoming pregnant scares the living shit out of me. Once I had to take a pregnancy test because my husband and I thought I might be pregnant and let me tell you.. I know this sounds stupid but waiting for the results was the single most terrifying thing I've ever experienced. My heart was pounding so hard I thought it was going to jump out of my chest. I felt sick and I Was shaking. When it was finally time to check the stick I cannot tell you the extreme relief I felt seeing that I was NOT pregnant. I've always just figured I was abnormal for not wanting to ever get pregnant because everyone always judges me when I tell them I'm not having children and they make me feel like a horrible person but I can't help how I feel. The thought of ever getting pregnant is something I cant let my mind fathom. I honestly don't know what I would do. That would be the end of my world. I sometimes forgo sex in fear of accidently becoming pregnant. I make sure I check the calander every month and forgo sex several days before , during and after my supposed ovulation time just to make sure. This really causes issues sometimes with my husband but I feel like it's the only way to be sure. Glad to know I have a name to put with my fear and I'm glad to know I'm not the only one. Thanks for sharing.
I so sorry that you have this phobia. Personally, I can't have children and have always wanted them. I couldn't even imagine not wanting to be pregnant. I hope that you get the help you need to over come this, or don't get pregnant until do.
To be honest, the solution I found for my deep fear of childbirth is to plan to adopt instead. I've always wanted to, because I feel like there are just too many kids in the world without families and if I can help just one or two, I will have done something right in the world - but also, I'll be honest, one of the reasons I want to do it (not THE reason, but one of them) is to avoid the pain of childbirth. I realize not everyone wants to adopt, but I am actually really looking forward to it as another way - my chosen way - to build a family. I hope that you can find freedom from your fears.
I don't think your feelings are "a bit much" or that you need to grow up. Your fear is clearly very real and to think it not legitimate because it's rare is just wrong. I loved reading this and that you shared how real this really is for you. I can relate a little bit because I've miscarried twice and have a fear (not total phobia I wouldn't say, but a very big fear) of it happening again. It's no wonder you would be scared so much though, ripping, death, the changes that happen and miscarriage are all very destructive. Lol, especially death! I so enjoyed this article.