"One of the great misconceptions is that people who have STDs know they have them, ... That is absolutely incorrect."
I spent the early part of my career working with juvenile delinquents at a residential placement facility, commonly known as “kiddy jail”, for inner city boys. One day, I’m running a group on safe sex and STDs. A client, a 17 year old from outside Philadelphia, raises his hand to share with the group. He begins by admitting he doesn’t use condoms, but states he still protects himself. He says, “I use the ear wax method.” A few of the young men nod in agreement and I ask him to clarify. He proceeds to explain that when he’s ready to have sex with a girl, he will discreetly get a bit of ear wax on his finger, and put that finger into her vagina. If nothing happens, the girl is safe and doesn’t have any STDs. Again, some boys in the room nod, sharing his secret knowledge.
“So what happens if she had an STD?” I naively ask.
“The wax will sizzle,” he replies. Really? This is what a 17 year old kid, who has sex with multiple (and I mean many multiple) girls believes: if you have an STD your vaginal fluids will have a chemical reaction with ear wax. And we wonder why over half of sexual active people are infected with HPV.
Another time, I was at a state conference, outside the capital building smoking a cigarette with two male colleagues from the same facility, both in middle management. We had just sat through a training seminar on poverty. We began talking about misconceptions that many inner city youth have, and I shared the above story. My co-worker, an educated man in his mid-thirties, looked at me and said he doesn’t use condoms. My mouth dropped open. He further explained, stating that he doesn’t sleep with “dirty” girls.
I started laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You think you can tell by looking at a girl that she’s got an STD?”
He nodded, saying he can tell if she’s “clean” simply by how she dresses, talks, and presents herself. At that point, I shook my head, put my cigarette out, looked at him and said, “That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. It’s no surprise that our clients are coming back from passes complaining that it burns when they piss!”
The fact of the matter is it’s not just teens who believe these myths. Its college students, educated adults, single moms, hell, maybe even your parents. There are thousands of myths out there, but below are the truths that you need to remember when it comes to STDs and protecting yourself.
- STDs are not prejudiced. They don’t care about your color or creed. They don’t care how many letters follow your name or what income bracket you fit in. They treat the prostitute on the corner the same way they treat the Wall Street businessman.
- If you are sexual active and have more than one partner, condoms are a must. They are by far your best protection, although even when used properly, condoms cannot protect you from all STDs.
- You need to get tested. Even if you have only had sex with one person, unless they were a virgin, you need to get tested. And if you are not in a monogamous relationship with someone that you trust with your life, you need to get tested regularly. I’d recommend every three months because…
- Not all STDs have symptoms. That means you can have an STD and never know about, never having a positive symptom. And therefore you’ll end up spreading it around like the green beans at Christmas dinner.
- Not only do some STDs not have symptoms, but some can’t be tested for. For instance, sometimes chlamydia goes dormant and will not show up on tests, just hiding in there, waiting to find new breeding ground. Some strands of HPV, which infects over 20 million Americans, can’t even be tested for, especially in men.
So be careful, screw smart, and don’t fall prey to the myths that are out there all around us.
“So what happens if she had an STD?” I naively ask.
“The wax will sizzle,” he replies. Really? This is what a 17 year old kid, who has sex with multiple (and I mean many multiple) girls believes: if you have an STD your vaginal fluids will have a chemical reaction with ear wax. And we wonder why over half of sexual active people are infected with HPV.
Another time, I was at a state conference, outside the capital building smoking a cigarette with two male colleagues from the same facility, both in middle management. We had just sat through a training seminar on poverty. We began talking about misconceptions that many inner city youth have, and I shared the above story. My co-worker, an educated man in his mid-thirties, looked at me and said he doesn’t use condoms. My mouth dropped open. He further explained, stating that he doesn’t sleep with “dirty” girls.
I started laughing. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You think you can tell by looking at a girl that she’s got an STD?”
He nodded, saying he can tell if she’s “clean” simply by how she dresses, talks, and presents herself. At that point, I shook my head, put my cigarette out, looked at him and said, “That is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say. It’s no surprise that our clients are coming back from passes complaining that it burns when they piss!”
The fact of the matter is it’s not just teens who believe these myths. Its college students, educated adults, single moms, hell, maybe even your parents. There are thousands of myths out there, but below are the truths that you need to remember when it comes to STDs and protecting yourself.
- STDs are not prejudiced. They don’t care about your color or creed. They don’t care how many letters follow your name or what income bracket you fit in. They treat the prostitute on the corner the same way they treat the Wall Street businessman.
- If you are sexual active and have more than one partner, condoms are a must. They are by far your best protection, although even when used properly, condoms cannot protect you from all STDs.
- You need to get tested. Even if you have only had sex with one person, unless they were a virgin, you need to get tested. And if you are not in a monogamous relationship with someone that you trust with your life, you need to get tested regularly. I’d recommend every three months because…
- Not all STDs have symptoms. That means you can have an STD and never know about, never having a positive symptom. And therefore you’ll end up spreading it around like the green beans at Christmas dinner.
- Not only do some STDs not have symptoms, but some can’t be tested for. For instance, sometimes chlamydia goes dormant and will not show up on tests, just hiding in there, waiting to find new breeding ground. Some strands of HPV, which infects over 20 million Americans, can’t even be tested for, especially in men.
So be careful, screw smart, and don’t fall prey to the myths that are out there all around us.
Sorry that ear wax one cracked me up. And it is quite sad how stupid people are when it comes to STDs.
I know, right! I was so awe-struck at the stupidity of the idea, that I sat there with my mouth hanging. I made everyone stay in group an extra 15 minutes to go over safe sex again.
And thanks for reading! *hugs and kisses*
I taught high school for a year in the south, where they have abstinence only "sex ed" and about 1/3 of my students had kids... I was amazed by the questions they would ask me, things I learned in sex ed in middle school. It is appalling how little they know and how many people refuse to teach them because of their own religious beliefs.
I find it sad. Although I don't disagree with teaching abstinence, I think we need to be realistic. Many teens are going to have sex. And because of these, we need to teach them the facts. We need to let them know how to be safe. If not, we are only setting them up for failure!
The lack of adequate sex ed in this country terrifies me. I hadn't heard the ear wax method before, but it doesn't surprise me. A friend back in high school was convinced that putting an aspirin in her vagina would prevent pregnancy. I think she misunderstood the 'Put an aspirin between your legs and hold it there' joke, but she was surprised when she was knocked up at 16. She was the only one surprised though.
Sex Ed really needs to be taught in schools. I had never heard of the ear wax method before and it astounds me how many myths are out there. I know first hand about how chlamydia goes dormant, last Christmas I found out I had it after being in a monogamous relationship for 9 years. I had first been tested just after we had started having sex and I hadn't been with anyone before that and got tested regularly but it had never shown up.
I was very upset and started doubting my partner even though he'd never given me reason to before but found out that it can lie dormant. We both got treated, he told his previous long term gf who told him that she already knew that she had had it but didn't bother to tell him (they didn't use condoms because she said she was on birth control) I feel bad for her other bf's who aren't getting tested
wow i had no idea people were that stupid. ear wax? disgusting and ignorant. this is why all teenagers should have internet access imo, and learn how to know what sources to use for accurate info. i get tested regularly even if monogamous. i look at it as a routine part of my annual. and then i get tested when a relationship ends before i will go out with anybody else.
Very informative, and you know, I wouldn't have believed that people actually thought the ear wax thing was real except a year or two ago, a younger male friend of mine (18 years old actually) said he knew how to tell if a girl had an STD and told us that he puts his finger in his ear, and inserts into her vagina. He said if it causes burning and severe pain (supposedly the female would be in excruciating pain!) she's STD ridden! WHAT?! LOL. I was truly appalled and this was the first and only time I'd ever heard that until just now, reading your article. It blows my mind that people think these things are true. I was taught about all things sex by my parents from the third grade up until after high school. I also had sex ed at my school that taught us early the myths and stuff, but I wonder, where are these people during that class? How do they end up thinking crazy things about STDs when there's sex ed everywhere? Lol. I guess every school is different.
Great article!