What is depression?
Normally, depression comes in one of 4 levels: normal, mild, moderate and severe, each one more troublesome than the previous and each with their own different types in the level. Feeling sad is a normal human emotion and is not always depression. It’s typical to feel sad and upset when something happens in your life such as the loss of a loved one, whether in presence or in death, outgrowing your favorite jeans, having to flush your fishy friend down the toilet, etc. Of our human emotions, sadness is included and is very common.
Depression is something that is psychological, genetic or even biological, and affects your daily routines and affect everyone around you. It is labeled as a brain disorder since it is normally thought to be caused by an imbalance of neurotransmitters, a chemical in the brain that helps the brain communicate with itself and the body. The feeling of sorrow and emptiness leaves you not wanting to participate in the simplest activities and leaves your loved ones hurt and alone as well.
How does depression affect your sex life?
So, how does depression affect one’s sex life? Some common symptoms of depression are: long lasting feelings of sadness, anxiety, and feeling empty; feeling as though you are worthless and not needed by those around you in your life; irritability, restlessness and even fatigue; either insomnia or the opposite, excessive sleeping; loss or increased appetite and many more types of symptoms. Though one big one, the one pertaining to this article, is indeed the loss of interests and ambition in doing the things you love and enjoy.
Depression can leave you not wanting to get out of bed or off the couch for simple things such as even eating. You can feel left out by the world and isolated due to the feeling of being unwanted and sad and miss out of a lot of activities and events that are going on around you. Not only can it make you lose interest in having sex, but it can put a lot of tension on a relationship even though strong relationships can actually help depression.
It’s very hard to be the only one in a relationship to juggle everything for the household: having to do the chores, taking care of the kids, cooking dinner, walking the dog, all on top of working a full time job. Stress is something that can easily tear down a relationship, and with depression you tend to lack the need and care to keep it together and fight on to save the relationship. On top of all the stress from taking on household needs, the lack of ambition for sex can cause sexual tension as well. When sexual tension start to spiral out of control, it can easily ruin the relationship and cause one's partner to find it elsewhere if it goes in to a negative direction or make sex un-enjoyable when the couple does have sexual encounters. In another more common outcome, neglecting one’s partner can cause them to also feel unloved and unwanted, making the non-depressed partner feel as though the depressed spouse no longer wants to take part in having a relationship with them.
Depression can also affect the body’s systems and slow down and dislocate body functions that normally affect sleep as well as have a negative impact on any activity that involves spontaneity and well-coordinated movements. With this, it will as stated, leave the person to neglect the things they love, including no longer having an interest in being sexually involved with their loved one and even have difficulty reaching an orgasm.
How can sex help?
Research studies have shown that a big cause of depression is because of an imbalance in the neurotransmitters in the brain as well as the hormones that directly affect the part of the brain that controls moods and emotions. The imbalance causes affects in moods and emotions and leave you with that deep unwanted feeling and lack of desires.
Now, the question we are here for, how does sex help with that? Can it? Well, after my research I have found that sex indeed can help with depression. Sex is in no way a cure, but a temporary relief of the depression, as well as many stress related problems. When having sex, your body puts out endorphins that trigger your brain and help instantly produce those neurotransmitters that your brain lacks during depression. The endorphins create a calming effect which helps relax your brain and get those hormones kicking.
Since depression can also lower the sex drive, do not push for your partner to have sex. Try helping to increase and set the mood with some lovely candles. Maybe offer to give a body massage to help relieve some tension. Start small with a nice home cooked dinner by candle light and just see where things go. And best of all, be patient!
Now, as stated, sex is in no way a cure for depression. So please, if you are suffering from depression, seek medical assistance for your problem so it can properly get taken care of. Depression is not something to be ashamed of. I myself grew up with my mother who suffered and believe I may have it as well (especially after the loss of my grandmother the end of 2011) and know many others who do suffer. Having depression in no way makes you any less of a person and in no way makes you deserve anything less. Please do not use my article for a diagnosis, though if you do feel you may have depression contact you primary care physician for further education and assistance for treatment.