I’m usually very fussy about what I put in my mouth. Shopping for groceries takes forever as I check the label of every single product, on the look out for the additives that I do not want to touch. Artificial sweeteners. MSG. “Natural flavors” (which, as I wrote once before are actually the last two under an assumed name). Chemical flavoring. High Fructose Corn Syrup.

You can’t avoid them all because they’re probably in the drinking water, too, along with all those prescription medicines with the “benefits” the enter the system when you pee. However, the lower your intake of the ones that you can avoid, the lower your chances of becoming another guinea pig for the laboratory of life to experiment on. Which, if I can be paranoid for a moment, is essentially how the major food and pharmaceutical companies tends to regard the general public. As test subjects.

So yes, I am fussy, fussy, fussy. However, it wasn’t until fairly recently that I ever looked, really looked, at the composition of cum. Which, considering how much of it the average heterosexual woman winds up ingesting, whether deliberately or otherwise, was something of an oversight. Maybe I just didn’t want to spoil a good thing by knowing too much. Several friends, and a comment left on one of my past articles here, have revealed that a little biological knowledge goes a long way, and if the FDC did insist that penises were labelled with their ingredients, it would look something like this:

The average male ejaculation... let’s call it a recommended serving size... is between five and ten milliliters of fluid, which is between one and two teaspoons’ worth. Which, if we lean towards the latter, breaks down as follows: Calcium (2.76mg); Chloride (14.2mg); Citrate (52.8mg); Fructose (2.76mg); Glucose (10.2mg); Lactic Acid (6.2mg); Magnesium (1.1mg); Potassium (10.9mg); Protein (.594mg); Sodium (30mg); Urea (4.5mg); Zinc (1.65mg).

Quantities which, when compared to the average woman’s daily recommended dietary requirements, are scarcely worth considering. Between the ages of nineteen and fifty, the Food and Nutrition Board recommends 1,000mg of calcium., or four hundred mouthfuls of cum. A day.

Chloride - we are recommended to take 2.3 grams a day. Sodium - 1.5 grams. Potassium - 4.7 grams. Zinc - 8mg. As for protein, and the age-old insistence that cum is a wonderful source of the stuff... if you are a reasonably healthy, reasonably active adult female, multiply your weight in pounds by six. That is how many grams of protein you require a day. If you weigh 120lbs, you need 720g. My math goes a little hazy here, but I’m estimating that’s the equivalent of around 1,500 blowjobs a day, which is a lot. Such a lot, in fact, that I think we have established that a couple of mouthfuls from your man every week, or every a day, is not going to tip your intake of anything out of balance, and it isn’t really going to help you maintain the recommended levels.

Which is good, right? A nice neutral snack that won’t ruin your appetite.

Where things can get interesting is what else can make its way in there. The foods and chemicals that he ingest will be in the cum. If he eats garlic, you’ll know about it. To much alcohol... yes. Pineapple... yum. And so on. A healthy regimen of Vitamin C can transform the entire experience into a smorgasbord of delight, and whenever you read an article about how a guy can make his cum taste good, those are the things you will learn.

However, how much other stuff... bad stuff... can also be lurking in his love juice? That is what we’re concerned with here.

There are a few things to think about, though. This article is concerned only with the quality of the sperm, as opposed to the manifold chemicals that can diminish its fertility. However, you can bet that if the bisphenol-A (BPA), which coats cash register receipts and canned food packaging, has been proven to reduce sperm count, then it’s also going to be rattling around in the fluid itself.

If aspartame and other artificial sweeteners can contribute to erectile dysfunction, they can influence the make-up of his cum, too.

We avoid phthalates in the manufacturing of our sex toys, and hopefully in our hygiene products, too. However, they could also be in his shampoo, his soaps, and in vinyl shower curtains. This means that they wash down every time he bathes, entering his system, and entering you.

This means that no matter how religiously you check the labels of your food, furniture and household items, you need to be checking his items as well.

Of course, if the quantities of what ought to be in his sperm are so minute as to make very little difference to your dietary requirements, the amounts of what you want to avoid are going to be even tinier. If you’re allergic to peanuts, you will not go into anaphylactic shock because he ate a handful at the bar. Well, not unless you’re trying to draw your entire daily calcium intake out of him at the time. My allergy to aspartame will also not be triggered, no matter how much seltzer he keeps on drinking.

It is true that trace amounts are only trace amounts until they’ve built up in your system. It's true, too, that even the world’s healthiest appetite for sperm, however it enters your body (because vaginal sex absorbs it efficiently, and anal is like a direct shot to the gut), has never been scientifically linked to either allergic reactions or any other dietary health risk. (Unless, of course, you’re allergic to the sperm itself, which does happen.)

Even the heaviest tobacco user is not going to pass on secondhand smoke through his sperm, no matter how much it tastes like it. You cannot get drunk on a drinker’s cum, and you can’t get high from a junkie’s jizz.

What you can do, though, is remember that all the harmful little additives and effects that you try to rule out of your own diet are ones that your partner should be avoiding as well. Not because you want him to taste better, but because you want him to live better. So yes, I remain very fussy about what I put in my mouth; and I’m pleased to report that, disease and poor hygiene notwithstanding, cum is one of the safest of them all.

Let’s make sure it stays that way.