"It is what is between the ears that makes a person, and not what is between their legs."
— Stephen Whittle
Initial attraction
When I first met my husband, he was open about who he was and what he was doing. He told me he was a FtM trans man. The entire situation was new to me. I identified as a lesbian but was attracted to him anyway. I decided I would talk to him and see where things went. We had met online. We started talking May 8th, 2008. We started dating two days later. September 27th, 2008 I flew to meet him in person for the first time. By then we had already fallen in love with each other and felt things were right. On September 30th, 2008 he asked me to marry him.
When we first had sex it was different for us both. I was his first and he was the first trans person I had ever been with (he was the first person with the same downstairs as me). We did use a strap on. He had to drink a little before he would do anything to me just because he was scared. He never pressured me in to anything. We did go about a year before I did anything to him.
We talked before my visit about what he liked and didn't like. Like many trans men, he did not want his chest called breasts and his "junk" referred to as a pussy or vagina. No penetration at all. Nothing anywhere near his ass either. I asked him to shower with me and we had to shower with the lights off until he knew for sure I wasn't looking at his chest like they were breasts. He hates to be referred to as female. When dating someone who is trans, you have to communicate to make things work. Many people when starting to transition have not gotten a name change yet. Make sure you respect them and use what their name will be once changed.
My husband started hormones April 2008. I helped him change his name and stay on hormones. He has been on hormones since. It does take its toll no matter if the person you are dating is FtM or MtF. With trans men I think it may be a little harder because of testosterone being steroids. He got roid rage very fast and had to learn how to deal with the anger. Even though he is on hormones he does still cramp for a week every month. Hormones do cause changes in many ways such as attitude, mentality, and physically. I don't really know how it works for tans women. The hormones make my husband extremely horny all the time. I love it.
My husband had top surgery August 2010. He had his "man boobs" removed. It was a lot to think about before doing it. We did research for years before deciding who he would have it done by. It was also very expensive. It costs about $9,000 including pills and pre-op visits. It was all worth it seeing his face when he saw his chest for the first time. A lot of people that we know have had it done fast without doing research and they regret it now because their chests look horrible.
I wrote this article to show everyone that loving a trans person is not easy by any means, but it is worth it for sure. If you choose to be with them, stand behind them no matter what. Sometimes they may be difficult and push you away but if you hold on they will thank you. He has pushed me away and told me he doesn't want to be with me more times in almost 5 years than anyone I have ever dated in my life, but afterwards he realizes that I will always support him and it always changes. If you help them research everything and make big decisions with them they will love you more and will bring you closer.
Love without boundaries and without reserves. Ignore the stereotypes and ignore ignorant people. Love them how you want to be loved and push them to reach the goals they wish to reach. It will always be harder but worth the fight.
I loved you article. Thank you for helping other people understand loving transpeople and the struggles and strength it takes to be with a transman.
Thank you for the article. The love you have for him shows. Love doesn't have boundaries.
Fantastic article. It shows how much you love him just in this article. I'm glad you helped him with his journey
Thank you guys for your comments. They mean a lot. This was my first article I have ever written.
Really interesting and eye-opening.
i'm a transman myself and my gf is a cis-female. i dont think having 2 deal w/trans issues are any different then dealing w/someone who is bipolar,ADHD,depression,or any other mental illness or even people with physical handicaps or mentally challenged people.
Very great article, thank you so much for posting this!