You know your boyfriend's been watching porn when...

...he pulls out of your mouth just before he cums and brings himself off with his hand instead, while you sit there with your mouth open wondering when the game changed.

The first time that happened to me (which wasn't long after the first time I even let him cum in there), my initial thought was - oh my god, what did I do wrong? Not enough stimulation? Not enough friction? What?

It turns out I had nothing to worry about. Turns out he'd been watching pornos with some buddies one night, and decided to get a bit of the same action for himself. And knowing instinctively that I wasn't about to let him spit in my asshole or call me his cock-bitch, I guess that seemed the lesser of several evils.

Right?

Wrong.

Quite frankly, I found the whole thing a little dispiriting. Not because he was trying to bring a little XXX glamour into the bedroom. We all can use a bit of that. But because...Well, (a) because he was making a move that was clearly only created in the first place to give the movie's intended audience a glimpse of the so-called money shot, and (b) because yeah. In a way he was saying "move over" to me. Move over and let a professional handle this part. This is a man's job.

Fight fire with fire, I decided, and onto the laptop I leaped one night when I knew he wouldn't be over. And off to those sites which...with a little help from the search machine...specialize in short, sweet, sex clips. And the more homemade and amateur the better. Somewhere within the whole wide world that is the internet porn store, there must be an alternative that would give him the same kind of "viewing public" thrill, but which would allow me a sense of accomplishment too. Because let's face it, that is half the fun of the whole thing...Look at what I just did.

We will blot out the half hour I spent watching something else entirely. And the twenty minutes I wasted on what looked like a promising amateur shoot, but which cut off before the climax. I quickly learned to just scoot the movie to the last ninety seconds or so; learned, too, that the moment the guy moves back and takes himself in hand, while his partner puts on a "look at me" sexy pout, he'd probably been watching the same movies as my boyfriend.

What I wanted was...And there it is. Can I add a link here to a website where you can watch? Forward through to to the last few minutes. The girl who doesn't stop when he starts to groan, and the guy who doesn't pull out at the same time. His movements grow more abrupt; hers, contrarily slow a little...And you know what? Just watching that sequence struck me as far hotter than seeing him jerk off into an open mouth.

But it gets hotter, as her head dips down and her mouth opens a little, and the first drops of his freshly minted cum slip from her lips and slide back down his shaft, to be scooped up again maybe, or joined by more...It doesn't matter either way. I mean, this is by no means a scientific exercise, and maybe I'm completely alone when I declare this to the world. But if I'm going to watch some guy get a blowjob from a girl that isn't me...or if I'm going to set up a mirror and watch him get one from a girl that is me...this is where the close-ups come in, the cum trickling out of my mouth back down his cock, my slicked tongue making cocktails of spit and sperm on his helmet, my face glistening from the same messy mixture. And my eyes wide with delight and desire, and maybe amusement at the look on his face.

And if he still wants to jerk off into an open hole, well here's an old beer can, knock yourself out. But if he wants to watch something that isn't only hot hot hot, but will also show him how much fun I have while I'm doing this (and by "me" I mean you, and whoever else is reading this), then make a mucky meal of things, and don't let up till you think it's time.

Then, if he still wants to watch his porn films with his buddies, well of course he can. But I've watched a few with him as well, and I'll tell you. Maybe if more guys just let the girl get on with her job, then maybe she would not want to spend so much time later, making those ridiculous, repetitive grunting noises that are the other enduring cliche of porn. You sound like a tennis player, sister....