Enter Elisabeth

The general knee jerk reaction to sex work is that it’s deadly and degrading. I’m hoping to bust this concept.

My alter ego will be Elisabeth. Elisabeth is my superhero identity, only instead of fighting crime and wearing a cape I’ll be making fantasies come true and taking my clothes off. I wanted to go with a natural sounding name instead of something that sounded like one of the Seven Dwarves— Sassy, Chablis, Jazz. And what’s with all the chicks who call themselves Brittany, Courtni, Ashley, Brandi? Barf. A natural name will prevent men from constantly asking me what my real name is the way they used to in the strip club, where I got christened – god help me - Glamour. Guys get fixated on knowing the Real Name – it’s like a hunting trophy, they get triumphant when they discover it, whether by traveling with you, catching a glimpse of your license, or prying it out of you. Elisabeth is one of my middle names, German spelling, classic, gives the right first impression, sets the mood. It also happens to be my great-grandmother’s name. What a tribute to her! Oddly, there are two escorts in the area who are using my real name. So if anything, men will suspect that’s the fake name.

My creepy lawyer friend (NOTE: He committed suicide this year) told me my $300/hr rate is too high and I won’t get any business. I’m thinking this is a good sign, as it will keep away those of his ilk, those looking for a bargain hole. He cheerfully admits that he prefers girls who look like underage heroin users.

Here are some ads posted by my competition:

“There are some who believe erotic experiences don't exist anymore, well im here to sqaush the myth fellas. Using those fingers is your next task gentlemen Tabitha donations 150 roses”

“Hi guys!
I'm Melissa a 21 year old sensual and very sexy young blonde. I'm very sweet, affectionate and romantic. I woud like to offer you the highest standard in personal service today. So get in touch and let's get together.”

“your place are mines dont make a difference all you need to know is im read juss call...”

“Pregnant is better, you should find out why
You'll never know unless you try it.
Im 5'8,148lbs and 6 1/2 mo along so if
your interested ill send contact info and pics to you..”

“Hi! I'm sparkle,20 years old. I can make you crazy. I want a guy who will do any freakin' thing I want. I'm the sexiest freak in town! I'm alone now, get freak with me in my bed. I've got anything you want. What are you waitin'? Anyway I have more pics to if the one I have up here isnt sufficient for you... it should be all you need”

JESUS.

Incidentally, I asked my creepy lawyer friend if using the word “roses” or “gems” in place of “dollars” like our friend Tabitha’s ad did any good. His response:

“Because hookers all have honorary law degrees, they think that it affords them legal protection to refer to their fee as a “gift” or “donation,” to refer to dollars as “roses” or “jewels,” and to specify that the customer is paying for their time rather than the services they provide during that time. They are wrong. This provides no legal protection.”