I have had an interest, for as long as I can remember, in the idea of “what is sexy.” Many years ago, I read an article asking men what they thought was sexy, and I distinctly remember one answer was, “a thin gold chain around a woman’s neck.” All I could think about that was, what if the woman wearing the thin gold chain was very curvy when all he liked was thin women, or what if that chain was on a woman old enough to be his grandmother?

The main thing I have decided over the years is that sexy is a concept that is as unique as each individual person. While there are certainly a few concepts of sexy that are almost universal, such as a woman wearing very provocative lingerie, there are also many more variables. For instance, the size or age of the woman wearing that lingerie. Some people prefer very thin women, others like their women curvy; some like women who are older than them, some like women who are the same age or younger. It just all depends on who is doing the looking. While the world is full of people who find Johnny Depp incredibly sexy, not everyone does. I personally think Marilyn Monroe is about the sexiest woman who ever walked the earth, I know a lot of people who do not agree. So, what is sexy?

While a person can certainly try to stay in tune with the current style trends, there are some things that are sexy and that never quite go out of style. Tight jeans on a man or a woman can be incredibly sexy. The sight of an ankle in a high heel shoe. A man in a tuxedo is always sexy, I think. A woman in a man’s tuxedo is incredibly hot, too! A woman in a bubble bath or a man just out of the shower, with a towel wrapped around his waist.

There are some things that are sexy that have nothing to do with sex. The sight of a man tenderly holding his baby is sexy, don’t you think? How about a woman mechanic working on your car? I think a lot of people find intelligence sexy. The librarian wearing glasses, with one strand of hair out of place, helping you find just the right book. The guy who comes and fixes your computer can be sexy just because he can fix a computer!

So, trying to be sexy to all people is probably the biggest mistake anyone can make. You are probably never going to make every person you meet develop the screaming thigh sweats for you. You can struggle and strain to keep up with what the magazines tell you is sexy right now, but it will cost you all your time and money. And there are just too many variables to deal with. For instance, I think that drag kings are so sexy, they just knock me out! Maybe they are not your cup of tea at all. It is very conceivable that what you find sexy turns me completely off. After all, variety is the spice of life! If we all found the same things sexy, this world would be incurably weird.

I personally don’t think that it is sexy at all to try hard to be sexy. Sexy is an undefinable quality that we all possess. It comes from within. It comes from feeling good about yourself. It comes from a sense of confidence. And when just the right person sees you, they will “get it.” They will find you sexy! Because they are looking at what really matters in you, they will see the sexy you. They will see the true you. They won’t be swayed by what a magazine or the television tells them to find sexy. True sexiness is smarter than that.

So, find your own definition of the sexy you. Wear it proudly! Believe me, your sexy counterpart is out there waiting for you. Mine was!