After I confessed what happened to others, several women said that they too had dealt with similar come-ons and were now more discriminating with whom they engaged, spiritually, sexually or otherwise in online communities. Some insisted there were a lot of spiritual sexual pariahs manipulating the Goddess movement to their own nefarious ends. A few played along with these liaisons for their own pleasure’s sake, knowing that ultimately, flirting online for cyber sexes sake was virtual harmless fun.
It doesn’t help mankind’s case that few men expressed outrage at one of their own brother’s predatory behavior. Those who are spiritually inclined still operate under certain genderfied norms, one being that males are the aggressors, females the victims. In that infamous ‘battle of the sexes’ we are still working the kinks out. Though to be really really clear, I don’t think I was victimized at all. Nope, I practically handed the man the rope with which to lure me in.
In hindsight, one explanation for my lack of discernment may be because I believe that cultivating an open and trusting heart is essential to my journey. We can’t explore the edges of our erotic selves from a safe, sanitized distance. It doesn’t matter if your thing is ecstatic sexuality, tantra, fetish, BDSM, etc; if you are going there, go there in integrity. Setting aside our own masks means trusting that those who we encounter on our path are as committed to authenticity as we are. The danger is in the risks, yes. It’s also in avoiding them, something Midori explains in clear and eloquent terms in
BDSM’s Dirty Secret – The Real Risk of Kinky Sex.
Nor does being drawn to sacred sexual teachings and communities buffer a person from experiencing spiritual malaise. In fact, it is more likely that what we crave indicates a primal need, either as an absence of something such as emotional intimacy, or something less benign, say curiosity. This may be the most difficult thing to acknowledge. We want to accept as true that spiritual growth occurs on a nice trajectory, when in reality it happens in fits and starts. This just isn’t so. Every journey takes detours down darkened paths, where the branches block out the light thick and the steps before us become harder to see. After all, the shadow side finds fertile ground in our vulnerabilities, not our strengths. Nowhere does this play out more vividly than in private lives.
Enough time has passed to dull the sting of embarrassment, though not enough to make me forget this hangover. Sharing it publicly feels cathartic in that mortifying I can’t believe I did that sort of way, and because it’s an opportunity to make a spiritual public service announcement.
In the end, this is a cautionary tale. Internet trolls will try anything to get into our metaphorical pants, preying on unmet needs; or in the case of those who feign spiritual superiority, praying that we’ll buy their bullshit long enough to reveal how to undo our figurative buttons. What I now know is that those who are drawn to ecstatic sexuality must be aware of false prophets flaunting sexual enlightenment.
Lessons learned the hard way are Goddess’ gift to humankind. Bless those damn blessings in disguise, eh?
Comments