The Basics of Just Looking
Here’s the thing—guys like it when people look. Let me offer an example via the saccharine-sweet movie Notting Hill, where Bernie (a loser pal) dreamily says to Hugh Grant’s foppish character, “Well, you know, anybody saying they want to go out with you is . . . pretty great . . .isn’t it?” For our purposes, reduce “want to go out with you” to merely “want to just look at you,” and that’s the kind of shock and awe that leaves us riding high on dopamine and suddenly increased self-worth, even if secretly so. In a world full of sexy movies, sexy billboards, sexy TV commercials, and sexy ads in magazines, to take the time to check US out vs all of that? It’s terrifically flattering.
But let’s be honest. In a very practical sense, there’s clearly a right way and wrong to way to scope out guys. The right way is flirty and fun. The wrong way? Well, it might just necessitate Nancy Grace. Especially if it involves peepholes, super zoom lenses, or miniature cameras.
So before you rush out to get a good dose of eye candy, let’s consider the following “Just looking!” basics.
1. Guys like being watched. Yes, it’s worth repeating. For oh so many decades, guys were expected to do all the watching, the approaching, the asking, and the begging and pleading. These days when the tables are turned, it’s pretty darn flattering. Of course it’s not all that manly to get completely gah-gah over this unexpected attention, but trust me—if we even suspect that someone is checking us out, we’ll strut like Foghorn Leghorn (the giant Warner Brothers cartoon rooster who loves to sing “De Camptown Races”) and be mightily pleased. So don’t feel bad for doing it.
2. “Just looking” is not only normal, it’s healthy. Even if you’re in a relationship already. While overprotective partners and spouses might catch you from time to time in the middle of a peek, as long it’s truly “just looking” versus considering upgrading your current model, there’s nothing wrong with it. We people-watch for entertainment. We do it out of boredom. We do it out of curiosity. If you’re in a relationship where it’s not allowed to at least give a once-over to someone else who sidles by, you better start looking into articles on co-dependency. If you’re NOT in a relationship? Well, just like those buffalo in that famous song, let your eyes roam.
3. Be subtle. “What’s subtle?” you might ask as you spin your head a full 180º as that “Harrison Ford meets Brad Pitt” lookalike saunters past in True Religion jeans and a sleeveless black Diesel shirt which shows off his He-man biceps. “Subtle” is watching in a way that YOU don’t get noticed back. “Subtle” is using peripheral vision. “Subtle” is the type of thing most teachers do with unfairly sexy students who don’t bother to hide that sexiness. “Unsubtle” is Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, or those cartoon characters whose eyes literally pop out of their head, their tongue rolls out about twenty feet, and they start heating up like they’re a supernova. “Unsubtle” is where it can get creepy, or at least make you look foolishly desperate.
4. Use props. Sure, sunglasses are quite useful. But so are laptop computers, cell phones, and any other electronic device you can pretend to fiddle with while your eyes do the boots to hair once-over.
But let’s be honest. In a very practical sense, there’s clearly a right way and wrong to way to scope out guys. The right way is flirty and fun. The wrong way? Well, it might just necessitate Nancy Grace. Especially if it involves peepholes, super zoom lenses, or miniature cameras.
So before you rush out to get a good dose of eye candy, let’s consider the following “Just looking!” basics.
1. Guys like being watched. Yes, it’s worth repeating. For oh so many decades, guys were expected to do all the watching, the approaching, the asking, and the begging and pleading. These days when the tables are turned, it’s pretty darn flattering. Of course it’s not all that manly to get completely gah-gah over this unexpected attention, but trust me—if we even suspect that someone is checking us out, we’ll strut like Foghorn Leghorn (the giant Warner Brothers cartoon rooster who loves to sing “De Camptown Races”) and be mightily pleased. So don’t feel bad for doing it.
2. “Just looking” is not only normal, it’s healthy. Even if you’re in a relationship already. While overprotective partners and spouses might catch you from time to time in the middle of a peek, as long it’s truly “just looking” versus considering upgrading your current model, there’s nothing wrong with it. We people-watch for entertainment. We do it out of boredom. We do it out of curiosity. If you’re in a relationship where it’s not allowed to at least give a once-over to someone else who sidles by, you better start looking into articles on co-dependency. If you’re NOT in a relationship? Well, just like those buffalo in that famous song, let your eyes roam.
3. Be subtle. “What’s subtle?” you might ask as you spin your head a full 180º as that “Harrison Ford meets Brad Pitt” lookalike saunters past in True Religion jeans and a sleeveless black Diesel shirt which shows off his He-man biceps. “Subtle” is watching in a way that YOU don’t get noticed back. “Subtle” is using peripheral vision. “Subtle” is the type of thing most teachers do with unfairly sexy students who don’t bother to hide that sexiness. “Unsubtle” is Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky, or those cartoon characters whose eyes literally pop out of their head, their tongue rolls out about twenty feet, and they start heating up like they’re a supernova. “Unsubtle” is where it can get creepy, or at least make you look foolishly desperate.
4. Use props. Sure, sunglasses are quite useful. But so are laptop computers, cell phones, and any other electronic device you can pretend to fiddle with while your eyes do the boots to hair once-over.
Comments