Flying Under the Gaydar
If you’re straight and have gay friends, or you’ve watched any gay mainstream television in the past decade, such as Will & Grace or The L Word, you’ve probably picked up on a few of these phrases. Even so, you’re bound to learn a little something in this glimpse at some of the hottest gay buzz words—a mini-lesson that gives a whole new meaning to the word bi-lingual.
Just as two children sometimes make their BFF bond feel unique by speaking in code to keep parents or other peers in the dark, beginning in the mid 20th century, the gay culture launched a lingo all its own. Although our colorful jargon is all in fun today, the roots of Gayspeak were forged in a crucible of serious issues. At a time when homosexuality was considered a criminal act, gays still wanted to find others like themselves, but were threatened by the possibility of blackmail, or imprisonment—or even getting the crap beaten out of them—if their sexuality were to be revealed.
So how was a horny or love-starved queer supposed to hunt for a same-sex friend without mentioning “the love that dare not speak its name”? Create code words, of course. Using unique terms and phrases that only another queer would understand became a way of sending out ‘feelers’. Say the right phrase, get the right reaction, and you knew you had found a buddy (or better yet, a bend over buddy!). A clueless reaction, on the other hand, equated to a flat response on your gaydar. (In fact, “gaydar” is a term created by gay culture that combines the words gay and radar to mean a person’s ability to innately detect whether or not another person is gay just by being in close proximity to him or her).
Now that most heterosexuals are no longer afraid to be in the same room as a gay person, having a secret code is no longer a priority. Like society at large—which is responsible for such timely terms as bromance, hot mess, my boo, MILF, tween, beeotch, and cougar (words I learned from watching way too much reality TV)—these days, gay vernacular is more a byproduct of circumstance than need. While some gay terminology crosses over to the mainstream, there are other terms with which you may not be familiar, including some that are almost universal—words gays use to describe each other or categorize people, buzz words that have become staples of pop culture; and of course a handful of always entertaining euphemisms for sex acts and fetishes.
Just as two children sometimes make their BFF bond feel unique by speaking in code to keep parents or other peers in the dark, beginning in the mid 20th century, the gay culture launched a lingo all its own. Although our colorful jargon is all in fun today, the roots of Gayspeak were forged in a crucible of serious issues. At a time when homosexuality was considered a criminal act, gays still wanted to find others like themselves, but were threatened by the possibility of blackmail, or imprisonment—or even getting the crap beaten out of them—if their sexuality were to be revealed.
So how was a horny or love-starved queer supposed to hunt for a same-sex friend without mentioning “the love that dare not speak its name”? Create code words, of course. Using unique terms and phrases that only another queer would understand became a way of sending out ‘feelers’. Say the right phrase, get the right reaction, and you knew you had found a buddy (or better yet, a bend over buddy!). A clueless reaction, on the other hand, equated to a flat response on your gaydar. (In fact, “gaydar” is a term created by gay culture that combines the words gay and radar to mean a person’s ability to innately detect whether or not another person is gay just by being in close proximity to him or her).
Now that most heterosexuals are no longer afraid to be in the same room as a gay person, having a secret code is no longer a priority. Like society at large—which is responsible for such timely terms as bromance, hot mess, my boo, MILF, tween, beeotch, and cougar (words I learned from watching way too much reality TV)—these days, gay vernacular is more a byproduct of circumstance than need. While some gay terminology crosses over to the mainstream, there are other terms with which you may not be familiar, including some that are almost universal—words gays use to describe each other or categorize people, buzz words that have become staples of pop culture; and of course a handful of always entertaining euphemisms for sex acts and fetishes.
In my experience, top/bottom references are also used within the BDSM community, even by heteros. I remember when the bars had two names. The one on the sign, and then the name we used in the community. This made it safe to bring up the name of a bar.
then there was the notorious "family"....is she family?
"family" I like that! And I resonate with it, because my queer community is totally my chosen family.