Ladies, I’m about to tell you something that my male brethren would prefer I not say. Most of the time we don’t feel sexy. Yes, the gender that begot “I’m Too Sexy” by Right Said Fred, (how could you forget them?) often doesn’t feel very sexy. Well I know I don’t at least.

Women seem to ooze a natural sexuality that is missing entirely from men. Maybe it comes from the fact that women are able to bear children, or some other womanly quality, but I’ve always found that women can feel sexy pretty easily while men have trouble feeling sexy themselves. We find lots of things sexy: women, different outfits, songs and all sorts of things, but actually feeling it ourselves is something else entirely.

Think about when you’re getting ready for an evening out on the town. Women have all sorts of things that they can wear to make them feel sexy, and that men find sexy on them. Dresses, mini-skirts, lingerie, high heels, stockings, even manicures and such all make women look beautiful and probably feel pretty as well. The options are pretty wide open about what a woman can wear.

Now, think about men. If we’re going somewhere nice we probably need to wear a suit. The biggest question then is whether to wear a tie or not. If it’s something even fancier the tuxedo is the accepted fashion choice. And while men look good in tuxedos, there isn’t much room for interpretation is there? We’ve all heard the joke about why men in a wedding party wear tuxes at the wedding; in case the groom doesn’t show up the best man slides over and no one’s the wiser. Funny, but it does sort of make my case.

I know that when I’m getting dressed to go out, half the time I wear what my wife has suggested for me to wear. It makes life easier, but I don’t usually feel super sexy when wearing the same suit I’ve worn to a nice dinner many times before.

Men’s undergarments speak to this as well. Men think in pragmatic terms a good deal of the time. Our underwear is usually designed for comfort or functionality. For most men their underwear drawer has these options; briefs, boxers and boxer briefs in varying colors. Maybe you have a thong that some girlfriend bought for you along the way, but putting that on sure is not going to make you feel sexy. Women on the other hand have options galore when exploring their underwear drawer. I’ve been married for a decade and I’m still learning about new cuts of female underwear.

Men don’t feel sexy, and many men probably don’t even think about feeling sexy most of the time. A light breeze can turn men on, but it doesn’t mean they’ll feel sexy. And because we are turned on so easily I don’t think we consider our own sexuality a lot. Our society presents the image that men need to be strong, masculine and be the provider for the family. Then after that’s done all the advertising that is targeted to us is about sports, cars, food and scantily clad women. Our society has highly sexualized women; a woman in a provocative pose can be used to sell just about anything. There are examples of men peeling off their shirts to reveal a washboard stomach and women gawking, but those commercials are few and far between and that is the only example I can think of. Just last night while watching television I noticed a woman in lingerie eating a fast food hamburger (not sure about the point there, other than the fact that she was nearly nude), a woman undressing while walking advertising perfume, and a woman making orgasm-like noises while eating a microwave meal. Because our society has sexualized women in such a way most women consider how they feel sexy on a regular basis.

Since society has not sexualized the male figure in such a way we rarely consider this in our daily lives. I feel that I recognize this more than some men, but still only think about how sexy I feel usually when I’m trying to seduce my wife or we’re going out for an evening.

I’ve asked my wife how often she thinks about feeling sexy and she looked at me and thought for awhile, eventually figuring that she probably thinks about it many times a day. When she’s getting dressed, how she appears to co-workers, how she appears to me all play into her thought process during a day, and that is before she starts to think about sex and feeling sexy during that time.

Today I thought about how sexy I felt exactly zero times, not when I was getting dressed, not with my co-workers, only when I started writing this did I stop to examine it. It is just not something that males think about. And when we do we feel uncomfortable trying to figure out what does make us feel sexy.

So, ladies I’m not asking you to extend any sympathies towards men regarding this. There is a double standard in our society that forces women to examine this on a daily basis while men can go along blissfully unaware.

I, for one, think men should examine their sexual selves and sexuality with a little more depth. I believe it would lead to a better understanding of a woman’s feelings on the subject and allow a more open and honest discussion on the subject. Like I said, most men feel uncomfortable thinking about what makes them feel sexy and not what they find sexy, so I don’t see a seismic shift occurring in our society anytime soon. It is something interesting to consider though.